do You Think This Woman Is Interested in Me?

[GuitarGuy7]

So I have known this girl for a couple of months.

We met during a group hangout back in late august although we didn't talk all that much. Eventually I asked her through text if she wanted to play badminton with a group of people. She took 3-4 days to respond back and said she'd love to. She never did show up though. One time, I responded back and told her that she should bring a badminton racquet to play. She didn't respond for 4-5 days.

When she did respond, she said thanks for the suggestions and said she would like to play next time and then asked me if I would like to act in her film. We're in the same class and she needed someone to film her project. At first, she wanted to ask a different student in the class but after the teacher recommended me, she asked me instead.

We shot the film together and she was quite friendly towards me and her roommate was there as well. We stayed in contact through text although she would still oftentimes take days to respond back. I did meet up with her to work on the editing project.

We worked on another film set and she was really friendly towards me and other people and joked around with me. She seems like a naturally friendly and joking kind of person.

One day, I made a post on Instagram on how making connections is so hard. She responded to my story and said "I'm always here for you". We talk a lot in person and she's very easy to talk to and very friendly. She asks me questions about myself and seems eager to talk. We like to joke around sometimes too when we're together.

One time, she suggested that we host a friendsgiving together with a group of other people from college. We've been meeting up and talking about that together and how to invite people. She sometimes takes 15 hours to respond back but she always does and when I say good night to her, she will say good night to me back.

Do you think she’s interested?

[Georgia46]

Hmmmm she could be.  She could be just a slow texter.   This would drive me nuts though… I can’t deal with people that take hours/days to respond! 
 

try asking her out on a date… you’ll know for sure then. 

[GuitarGuy7]

16 minutes ago, Georgia46 said:

Hmmmm she could be.  She could be just a slow texter.   This would drive me nuts though… I can’t deal with people that take hours/days to respond! 
 

try asking her out on a date… you’ll know for sure then. 

I would have asked her out sooner but I just assumed that because she takes days to respond back, she's not interested. 

But when we do talk in person, she's very warm and friendly. She even suggested that we host a friendsgiving and invite a bunch of people together for it. 

[Georgia46]

She could just be one of these people that is useless on the phone but is genuinely interested.   

Edited November 17 by Georgia46

[basil67]

I'm not seeing romantic interest.  But she's certainly a good person to have in your social circle

Edited November 17 by basil67

[SurfCity]

5 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

One day, I made a post on Instagram on how making connections is so hard. She responded to my story and said "I'm always here for you".

Seems like she feels sorry for you or feels bad that you're so lonely. I wouldn't say it's romantic interest.

[Maldives]

8 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

I would have asked her out sooner but I just assumed that because she takes days to respond back, she's not interested. 

But when we do talk in person, she's very warm and friendly. She even suggested that we host a friendsgiving and invite a bunch of people together for it. 

Mmm the slow response suggests maybe low interest, but who knows I had a quick respond/texter but had low interest in me.Best to do checkpoints that's the only way you can find out 1st checkpoint asked her out on date that will show you if she is interested then go from there.

[glows]

Sorry.. another person here who doesn’t think she’s interested. Woman has the time and resources to film movies, liaise with other students and roommates, host events but she takes days to respond to you. Saying goodnight Id interpret as part of ending the conversation. She may be charming but also disingenuous and insincere. 

If you enjoy her company keep in touch but I would consider her saying one thing and doing another/cancelling or not showing for the tennis disrespectful. Why would you spend your precious time on someone who can’t be straight with you from the get go. A simple “no, I’m busy” or “ I don’t like tennis but let’s do something else” is so much easier than playing these disrespectful mind games. 

[Gebidozo]

It doesn’t look like she’s interested. Slow responses and this kind of “we’re good buddies” attitude would indicate a lack of romantic feelings to me.

Asking her out on a date would be the necessary first step to make if you’re really interested in her and want to know if she is interested. All these group activities and warm friendly chats mean absolutely nothing romantically.

 

 

[GuitarGuy7]

3 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

It doesn’t look like she’s interested. Slow responses and this kind of “we’re good buddies” attitude would indicate a lack of romantic feelings to me.

Asking her out on a date would be the necessary first step to make if you’re really interested in her and want to know if she is interested. All these group activities and warm friendly chats mean absolutely nothing romantically.

 

 

If I ask her out, I doubt she says yes. It will be a rejection. 

I guess I have no choice now...

Tomorrow, i'm going to call an escort so I can finally lose my virginity before the age 30. Then during the summer, I will be heading to The Philippines. 

American women have rejected me my whole life nor do they see my value. They look at me, look at my stature, and say no within an instant. Yet I believe with all of my heart, that I would make a good boyfriend, maybe even a great boyfriend. I am fit, have a wide variety of hobbies and interests, take care of myself physically, and I have ambitions. I have no addictions, no history of abuse, and am fairly clean cut. It's just too bad that women in this country don't see these qualities.

That is why I must head to The Philippines. I am heading there not because I dislike American women, but because American women dislike me. It is my only chance of having any semblance of a dating life before the age of 40. I know the risks associated with pursuing filipinas, but it is a risk I have to take when the alternative to that risk is blowing out the candles to my 40th birthday, still a kissless virgin. When you don't have good options, all you have are bad options. 

[SurfCity]

What if Filipino women don't like you either? 

You should try being a passport bro before you try escorts. If foreign women also don't want you, then you should go to the red light district in Amsterdam or move to Nevada where prostitution is legal. 

[smackie9]

Totally friends zoned. 

[ShyViolet]

It sounds to me like she is maybe mildly interested, low interest.  Taking days to respond isn't a good sign.  But you wouldn't know for sure until you just go ahead and ask her out.  What do you have to lose anyway?

[basil67]

On 11/18/2024 at 3:26 AM, GuitarGuy7 said:

Eventually I asked her through text if she wanted to play badminton with a group of people. She took 3-4 days to respond back and said she'd love to. She never did show up though. One time, I responded back and told her that she should bring a badminton racquet to play. She didn't respond for 4-5 days.

Did you consider that not everyone has a badminton racquet hanging around?  And it's foolish to buy one for what might be a single game.  Unless you can offer to loan or hire equipment, it's not a great suggestion for a date.   She probably shrugged at the idea and let it drop

Edited November 18 by basil67

[GuitarGuy7]

7 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

It sounds to me like she is maybe mildly interested, low interest.  Taking days to respond isn't a good sign.  But you wouldn't know for sure until you just go ahead and ask her out.  What do you have to lose anyway?

Actually I do have something to lose by asking her out. 

Because we organized the game night together, if I ask her out and she says no, that means there's a good chance that she won't want to host game night with me anymore. That also means I won't get invited to game nights anymore either if she decides to host them. Sure, I could host game nights on my own but when I tried inviting people, nobody would show up. In fact, people only showed up because she invited them. 

So I have put myself in a situation where asking her out could jeopardize the friendship group I have established. 

[basil67]

24 minutes ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Actually I do have something to lose by asking her out. 

Because we organized the game night together, if I ask her out and she says no, that means there's a good chance that she won't want to host game night with me anymore. That also means I won't get invited to game nights anymore either if she decides to host them.

I don't think there's a 'good chance' she will drop you from the invitation list for the game nights, but it might become weird and awkward between you.

Given that the delays in her messages to you suggest there is no romantic interest AND the fact that you want to continue with the group, I would advise you don't ask her out

[Leihla_B]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

Given that the delays in her messages to you suggest there is no romantic interest AND the fact that you want to continue with the group, I would advise you don't ask her out

I agree. When you have a lot invested in a shared friend group, it makes sense to be cautious. 

[GuitarGuy7]

Especially since we were the ones that hosted the game night together. If I asked her out and she said no, then it would just be awkward and there goes my chance of hosting this again because she's the one that invites the people since I don't know anybody. 

So I kind of put myself in a position where because we are interconnected, there are consequences to asking her out and her saying no. That's why it's an extremely tough decision for me. 

I do like her and have feelings for her. That's why it's tough. 

[SurfCity]

Isn't this the first time in your life that you've had a friend group? This is the first time ever that you've been able to have a social life, correct? Have you ever been to a Friendsgiving before? Have you ever planned/been invited to game nights before? This is a big deal for you and you shouldn't risk losing this friend group by asking her for a date when there's a very low likelihood that she'll say yes. 

Now that you have people to go out with and socialize with, it'll be easier for you to meet new women and you therefore will have a good chance of finding someone to date. 

Don't secretly develop feelings for her and do your best to put her out of your mind. That's the only way you'll be able to focus on meeting someone who is into you. 

[basil67]

Just now, SurfCity said:

Now that you have people to go out with and socialize with, it'll be easier for you to meet new women and you therefore will have a good chance of finding someone to date. 

One caveat: I recently read a thing about how MeetUp groups get a handful of men joining them with a view to meeting women.  Sometimes they even get kicked out because it takes away from the friend vibe which the women are there for.  

@GuitarGuy7 If you're going continue with social groups, focus on making friends rather than dates.   If there is a woman there who vibes with you, romance will happen in good time.  Perhaps even let her lead so that you can avoid the uncomfortable outcome of someone in the group rejecting you

[GuitarGuy7]

I actually have an idea of asking her to hangout casually without explicitly saying it's a date. Here's my idea. 

I know she likes playing pickleball, so I plan to text her and ask "Hey (name of person). I know you mentioned that you want to try playing pickleball. Do you want to play together sometime after the break?"

If she responds with a yes: Then it's an opportunity to spend one-on-one time with her and then potentially ask her out on a formal date. If she agrees to hangout with me one-on-one, then it's a sign that she might say yes to an actual date. It's also a way to build more of a connection with her. 

If she responds with being "too busy": I say no problem and make it seem like it's not a big deal. I will then say that I am looking forward to hosting another game night. 

If she tries to turn it into a group outing: I respond with "wow that's a good idea! Maybe we can get a group of people to come play pickleball with us." I know if she says this, she's essentially friend-zoning me but I play along with it and act like it's not a big deal. I enjoy being her friend and turning it into a group outing is no big deal for me. 

If she tells me she's not interested in me or not looking to date right now: I respond with ""Haha I know. I didn't mean to make it a date, I just wanted someone to play pickleball with. No big deal though, I'll ask someone else. I am looking forward to having another game night sometime." Because even though I was romantically interested in her, by downplaying it and making it seem like it was just a casual hangout between buddies, then it takes the pressure and tension off of her. That way, it's less likely to be awkward and I can still host game nights with her hopefully. 


It sounds like a brilliant plan. 

[Gebidozo]

23 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

If I ask her out, I doubt she says yes. It will be a rejection. 

Are you serious? You are afraid of asking out a girl you like because she might reject you? Man, this is not the way to do these things. You have to go through 500 rejections and 50 dates that lead nowhere and 20 relationships that end very soon and 10 painful breakups before you have real success.

Romance is about failing a 100 times and succeeding 1 time. It’s about scoring the winning basket, not having a perfect, yet measly 2 out of 2 during scrap time.

 

23 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

Tomorrow, i'm going to call an escort so I can finally lose my virginity before the age 30.

Your call, of course, but it’s not a good idea. It’s better to lose virginity at the age of 40 with someone who likes you than at the age of 30 with someone who doesn’t care for you at all.

 

23 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

It's just too bad that women in this country don't see these qualities.

Look, I’m not a woman, but all I see is you being afraid of asking a girl out on a date, being bitter, and complaining. Trust me, this is such a turn off for all mature, independent women (American, Filipino, doesn’t matter, I repeat: all normal women), that they won’t bother to get to know you further to discover your alleged qualities.

Women like confident, independent men who don’t complain and who are brave and vulnerable enough to be rejected, hurt, and yet get back on their feet and keep trying.

Edited November 19 by Gebidozo

[SurfCity]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

One caveat: I recently read a thing about how MeetUp groups get a handful of men joining them with a view to meeting women.  Sometimes they even get kicked out because it takes away from the friend vibe which the women are there for. 

I didn't realize it was a meet up group, I thought it was a group of friends he made naturally. I agree that he shouldn't ask her out if it's a meet up group for game nights. 

[basil67]

45 minutes ago, SurfCity said:

I didn't realize it was a meet up group, I thought it was a group of friends he made naturally. I agree that he shouldn't ask her out if it's a meet up group for game nights. 

Well....it sounds like a meetup group...

[flitzanu]

13 hours ago, GuitarGuy7 said:

I actually have an idea of asking her to hangout casually without explicitly saying it's a date. Here's my idea. 



If she tells me she's not interested in me or not looking to date right now: I respond with ""Haha I know. I didn't mean to make it a date, I just wanted someone to play pickleball with. No big deal though, I'll ask someone else. I am looking forward to having another game night sometime." Because even though I was romantically interested in her, by downplaying it and making it seem like it was just a casual hangout between buddies, then it takes the pressure and tension off of her. That way, it's less likely to be awkward and I can still host game nights with her hopefully. 


It sounds like a brilliant plan. 

this last part is a terrible idea because it is a lie.  downplaying it in the way you're describing is not going to change anything and it's going to make you dishonest.