Ahhh!! Posted August 5, 2001 Share Posted August 5, 2001 i;ll try to make this as short as possible: i'm 19... been dating a guy 1 for a lil over a year ... he's my first bf, its not an ideal relationship, but i was very very sad the few times that we almost broke up, and so i thought maybe he's THE one , yada yada ... now, i also have a dance partner, guy 2. been dancing with him for about 2 years. Last night, out of the blue, he asks if i wanna be "more than friends" with him ... (note: he does know i have a bf) WTH do i do??? my feelings: i am curious about guy2 ... b/c my current bf is the only one ive ever been with ... so a new person sounds tempting.. esp. him - we usually have fun together ... i would feel terrible guilty breaking up w/ guy1, because he is very mentally dependent on me ... eg: i was away on a trip for 4 weeks ... the day i got back, everyone noticed that he is unusually happy and not depressed, like in the 4 weeks that i was gone ... they say its not true love until u dont have any doubts. if guy 2 seems tempting, does that mean i dont love guy 1? also, i am not sure i am compatible with guy 2 - i mean i dont know if the relationship would last very long ... he is much more sporty than me ... which i am willing to join, but only if he joins my hobbies too ... im also afraid i like him (guy 2) b/c i associate him with dancing (i looove dancing) ... we have been pretty close with guy 2 - close slow dancing, holding hands when walking thru crowds, etc, but in a friendly manner ... SO i dont know what the hell to do ... any insights?? i basically want both of them... but i know i would feel too guilty being a playette ... thanks a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 5, 2001 Share Posted August 5, 2001 The fact that you are even thinking about seeing another guy indicate you should be free to see other people. You should also not feel obligated to stay with somebody the rest of your life just because of the effect your leaving would have on them. That's their problem. Your happiness is your problem. You are not ready for a committed relationship in your current mindset. You need to explore guy2 and lots of others as well. At your age, you should certainly be playing the field. If you are still feeling guilty about leaving your first boyfriend, see a psychologist who will help you with that. It's just plain insane to stay with anyone just because they can't handle a breakup. You can't hold your ownself hostage in a relationship that is wrong. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Ahhh!! Posted August 5, 2001 Share Posted August 5, 2001 Thanks tony! Your are right, i know. Just one more question of how to deal with guy1 ... should i have a "talk" and let him know i need to be free, etc., or ? ... Thanks again .. i know u r right ... and im looking fwd to guy2 =) Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted August 5, 2001 Share Posted August 5, 2001 You should have a talk with your boyfriend...but what you tell him is your business. I he's as nuts and dependent as you suggest, you ought to use a little psychology and just tell him that, at this time, you are not wanting a relationship with anybody. If you tell him you're interested in somebody else, that may hurt him more. Again, you're not responsible for him or his feelings...but just let him down easy. Let him know you are very fond of him...but right now, you are just way too young to be in a forever relationship. If he gives you a hard time, just walk off. If he tries to give you a guilt trip, you can really be pissed at him because that's not the mature way people act. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts