dogex Posted Monday at 04:45 PM Share Posted Monday at 04:45 PM When I act tough women become playful with me, by giving me smiles and teasing, but when I try respond them by being nice/kind they seem weirded out or disgusted by it. I can't understand it, how can I respond to their approaches without receiving these reactions? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted Monday at 05:53 PM Share Posted Monday at 05:53 PM I think it’s probably the type of women you’re drawn to. Nice and kind is always A++++ in my books. I don’t give “tough” the time of day. By tough I’m assuming you mean generally unavailable and pure douchey. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogex Posted Monday at 07:40 PM Author Share Posted Monday at 07:40 PM 1 hour ago, glows said: I think it’s probably the type of women you’re drawn to. Perhaps, I like the powerful and independent kind. 😍 1 hour ago, glows said: By tough I’m assuming you mean generally unavailable and pure douchey. It has to be this way otherwise they take advantage of me, "Could you do this/that for me?" (In the sweetest voice you can imagine) say the girls in my job, it makes me feel used. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted Monday at 08:39 PM Share Posted Monday at 08:39 PM (edited) 3 hours ago, dogex said: When I act tough women become playful with me, by giving me smiles and teasing, but when I try respond them by being nice/kind they seem weirded out or disgusted by it. I can't understand it, how can I respond to their approaches without receiving these reactions? When you switch from one personality to another, they realise that what they were attracted to was a lie - hence being weirded out or disgusted. Always present as the person you are. Or if you don't like the person you are, work to change the parts you don't like. Edited Monday at 08:40 PM by basil67 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SurfCity Posted Monday at 09:15 PM Share Posted Monday at 09:15 PM What do you consider being tough to mean and what do you consider being nice/kind? Some guys confuse nice/kind with being a lackey, a pushover, and someone with no self respect. They think being tough means having boundaries and not allowing themselves to walked all over. Nobody likes a doormat or someone with no self respect. If you're switching your personality to someone who's a doormat with a servile attitude, it's not surprising that women are reacting with disgust. If you tried that with your guy friends you would find that they would also react with disgust. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted Monday at 09:31 PM Share Posted Monday at 09:31 PM 1 hour ago, dogex said: It has to be this way otherwise they take advantage of me, "Could you do this/that for me?" (In the sweetest voice you can imagine) say the girls in my job, it makes me feel used. I'm calling BS on this. Sure, there may be the rare woman who does this, but not women in general. I've never, ever seen it happen in a workplace. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Leihla_B Posted Monday at 10:32 PM Share Posted Monday at 10:32 PM 2 hours ago, dogex said: It has to be this way otherwise they take advantage of me, "Could you do this/that for me?" (In the sweetest voice you can imagine) say the girls in my job, it makes me feel used. Just say, "No." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogex Posted Tuesday at 12:42 AM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 12:42 AM 3 hours ago, basil67 said: When you switch from one personality to another, they realise that what they were attracted to was a lie - hence being weirded out or disgusted. Always present as the person you are. Or if you don't like the person you are, work to change the parts you don't like. Damn, I never thought like that, you must be correct! What happened is that I got the first impression of a 'shy guy' (for several reasons) but I HATE it, this is why I tried to "switch" it... Now I realize how scary it must have been a guy change from a day to another 🤦♂️ ! How do I change in the right way? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted Tuesday at 01:42 AM Share Posted Tuesday at 01:42 AM I'm sure they don't think you're scary for switching - they just think you're a waste of time. You change by working on becoming the best man you can be, while still being genuine to yourself. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted Tuesday at 10:09 AM Share Posted Tuesday at 10:09 AM 17 hours ago, dogex said: When I act tough women become playful with me, by giving me smiles and teasing, but when I try respond them by being nice/kind they seem weirded out or disgusted by it. I can't understand it, how can I respond to their approaches without receiving these reactions? Simple - women are usually very good at detecting insincerity. You shouldn’t “act tough”; you shouldn’t act, period. Be yourself. Present yourself the way you are, and you won’t have to experience such weird occurrences. On a side note, I’ve never encountered a woman who’d be disgusted by nice and kind men. Are you sure you were being genuinely nice and kind, and not just acting nice and kind in order to make those women like you? Again, you can’t allow any hint of pretense. Women like genuine products, not artificial constructs designed to impress them. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author dogex Posted Tuesday at 10:36 AM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 10:36 AM 16 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Be yourself. Present yourself the way you are, and you won’t have to experience such weird occurrences. But what if who I am is awful? I'm shy and and always being the target of fun? I like to mind my own business and I just can't do jokes, but people around me keep joking all day long, it frustrates me. 16 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: On a side note, I’ve never encountered a woman who’d be disgusted by nice and kind men. Are you sure you were being genuinely nice and kind, and not just acting nice and kind in order to make those women like you? 13 hours ago, SurfCity said: Some guys confuse nice/kind with being a lackey, a pushover, and someone with no self respect. They think being tough means having boundaries and not allowing themselves to walked all over. No, no, I didn't mean "nice guy" I meant genuinely nice or polite "Hi", "How are you?", "Nice haircut!" etc. But I always feel that they are creeped by it, it must be because I'm ugly right? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted yesterday at 06:43 AM Share Posted yesterday at 06:43 AM 20 hours ago, dogex said: But what if who I am is awful? Do you really think you’re awful? If so, please stop trying to have a relationship for now and first work on your own mental and spiritual state until you begin to love and respect yourself. 20 hours ago, dogex said: I'm shy and and always being the target of fun? I like to mind my own business and I just can't do jokes, but people around me keep joking all day long, it frustrates me. People are different. There are women who like shy, introspective men who don’t like joking around. Your task is to get to know such women and try to date them. Don’t waste your time aiming for women whose type you’re not, and don’t humiliate yourself by pretending you are something that you you’re not. 20 hours ago, dogex said: No, no, I didn't mean "nice guy" I meant genuinely nice or polite "Hi", "How are you?", "Nice haircut!" etc. But I always feel that they are creeped by it, it must be because I'm ugly right? I really can’t fathom a woman who’d be creeped by a man telling her she has a nice haircut. Unless you’re saying it in a creepy tone, maybe? ”Ugly” is a rather meaningless word in the realm of romance, perhaps barring extreme cases. As my Mom puts it, “a man should be just a little bit more handsome than a chimp”. One of the biggest Casanovas I’ve ever known, a college friend of mine, barely fulfilled even that requirement. None of the women I dated was interested in “pretty” men. Your facial features are the last thing you should worry about. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted yesterday at 10:19 AM Share Posted yesterday at 10:19 AM On 11/18/2024 at 5:45 PM, dogex said: When I act tough Give us an example of this "tough" behaviour. 23 hours ago, dogex said: I meant genuinely nice or polite "Hi", "How are you?", "Nice haircut!" etc. But I always feel that they are creeped by it, Context is important. Are these random women you're approaching? Friends? Where and how do you deliver these comments? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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