whenisfriday Posted Tuesday at 06:08 AM Share Posted Tuesday at 06:08 AM it seems that way to me at least. I only really see them with guys who are taller or have more muscle than me. and they seem less interested when I try to have conversations with them compared to other women. People say leagues don't exist but I'm finding it hard to believe. I'm 5 foot 8 and on the slimmer side. How do I break the mindset of "this girl is too hot for me?" or do I just lower my standards again? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted Tuesday at 06:55 AM Share Posted Tuesday at 06:55 AM Leagues do exist, but not in terms of “upper league” and “lower league”, but in terms of “my league”, “your league”, etc. You are out of your league not in the sense of aiming too high. You’re simply aiming outside of your potential targets. You’re looking for women who don’t like you. You should start looking for women with whom you have a real connection. Women who wouldn’t reject you because of your height or your body type or whatever. ”Hotness” is a very vague word. I view the hotness of a woman in terms of a strong, mutual sexual chemistry between her and me. She is hot if I like her and she likes me; if she doesn’t, I don’t consider her really “hot”. I might appreciate her beauty aesthetically, nothing else. Try to switch to this mindset. This is not “lowering your standards”. On the contrary, trying to get together with women who don’t like you is lowering your standards. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted Tuesday at 08:21 AM Share Posted Tuesday at 08:21 AM Curious, what does this have to do with long-distance relationships? Are you trying to connect with women who are not in your are? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted Tuesday at 09:26 AM Share Posted Tuesday at 09:26 AM We had another 5'8 thin guy here just a couple of weeks ago who couldn't find a partner. Are you him? Regarding leagues, I can't comment on you lowering standards without knowing what they are 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted Tuesday at 11:49 AM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 11:49 AM 2 hours ago, basil67 said: We had another 5'8 thin guy here just a couple of weeks ago who couldn't find a partner. Are you him? Regarding leagues, I can't comment on you lowering standards without knowing what they are what was the topic? maybe Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted Tuesday at 11:58 AM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 11:58 AM 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Curious, what does this have to do with long-distance relationships? Are you trying to connect with women who are not in your are? didn't know where to put the post sorry Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted Tuesday at 01:49 PM Author Share Posted Tuesday at 01:49 PM 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Curious, what does this have to do with long-distance relationships? Are you trying to connect with women who are not in your are? read the section name wrong Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted Tuesday at 02:18 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 02:18 PM If you judge women only on their looks then be ready to be also judged on your looks only. If you're in your phase of getting a hot woman then hit the gym and become one of those men these women want. If you want something then work for it. A long time ago I had gained a lot of weight after a divorce. I went to see a private nutritionist, got active and lost 125-lbs in 1 year. I wanted to be an attractive 40is woman that could get a lot of attention and I did it. I did not complain to anyone about being fat and lonely. I did something about it. So.....stop complaining and do something. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted Tuesday at 07:22 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 07:22 PM i can only give you one example, which does not mean it is generally what happens. i'm slim and not muscular and date/dated very "hot" women that many people constantly say are "out of my league" so, yes it's possible to date hot women if you're not a "hot" guy. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted Tuesday at 07:47 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 07:47 PM (edited) 8 hours ago, whenisfriday said: what was the topic? maybe The topic was that he can't get a girlfriend because he's 5'8 and slim Edited Tuesday at 07:50 PM by basil67 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted Tuesday at 07:58 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 07:58 PM What happens when you approach these hot women? Please explain in detail where you have seen them, what you say when you meet them, how you go about letting them know that you are interested in dating them / hooking up with them. I have a feeling it's not because you are 5'8" and slim. So please share the last 3 or 4 failed attempts you've had and I will try to help you do a better job. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted Tuesday at 08:23 PM Share Posted Tuesday at 08:23 PM 14 hours ago, whenisfriday said: People say leagues don't exist but I'm finding it hard to believe. LS has a long history of advising guys to date within their league. Leagues most certainly exist Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted yesterday at 01:21 AM Author Share Posted yesterday at 01:21 AM 5 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: What happens when you approach these hot women? Please explain in detail where you have seen them, what you say when you meet them, how you go about letting them know that you are interested in dating them / hooking up with them. I have a feeling it's not because you are 5'8" and slim. So please share the last 3 or 4 failed attempts you've had and I will try to help you do a better job. it's been a long time. usually a compliment, ask them what they're drinking etc. or if I'm on the bathroom line I might try and discuss the music that's playing. they often don't really help to carry the convo and I feel like I have to come up with everything and then there will be some awkward pauses and then at some point either me or them might say "it was nice talking to you." it doesn't usually get to a point where it feels safe to ask them out or ask them to leave with me, minus some very rare occasions. and the types of guys I see with those types of women are almost always taller or have more muscle than me. with rare exceptions of course. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted yesterday at 01:23 AM Author Share Posted yesterday at 01:23 AM (edited) 11 hours ago, Gaeta said: If you judge women only on their looks then be ready to be also judged on your looks only. If you're in your phase of getting a hot woman then hit the gym and become one of those men these women want. If you want something then work for it. A long time ago I had gained a lot of weight after a divorce. I went to see a private nutritionist, got active and lost 125-lbs in 1 year. I wanted to be an attractive 40is woman that could get a lot of attention and I did it. I did not complain to anyone about being fat and lonely. I did something about it. So.....stop complaining and do something. my therapist says that more muscle won't make me more confident because of how my ocd brain thinks. because apparently I always find something wrong. maybe he's right? so it seems pointless to do for that reason. I also tried for over a year and saw little to no results. I just didn't have the appetite to feed myself 3000+ calories a day either. it's all very discouraging and I don't know what to do anymore. yet people are saying my looks aren't the issue so I don't know who to believe Edited yesterday at 01:26 AM by whenisfriday Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted yesterday at 01:28 AM Author Share Posted yesterday at 01:28 AM 16 hours ago, basil67 said: We had another 5'8 thin guy here just a couple of weeks ago who couldn't find a partner. Are you him? Regarding leagues, I can't comment on you lowering standards without knowing what they are think at least "semi conventionally attractive" for my standards. not sure if that makes sense? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted yesterday at 01:37 AM Author Share Posted yesterday at 01:37 AM 5 hours ago, basil67 said: LS has a long history of advising guys to date within their league. Leagues most certainly exist this worries me Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted yesterday at 02:42 AM Share Posted yesterday at 02:42 AM (edited) You're worried that leagues might exist, but at the same time worry that you may have to lower your standards. This worry is the very definition of the existence of leagues Edited yesterday at 02:51 AM by basil67 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted yesterday at 03:07 AM Author Share Posted yesterday at 03:07 AM 24 minutes ago, basil67 said: You're worried that leagues might exist, but at the same time worry that you may have to lower your standards. This worry is the very definition of the existence of leagues as in its more mental? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted yesterday at 03:13 AM Share Posted yesterday at 03:13 AM (edited) As in a lot of people (including you) don't want to date others who they see as less desirable. Edited yesterday at 03:13 AM by basil67 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted yesterday at 04:06 AM Author Share Posted yesterday at 04:06 AM 52 minutes ago, basil67 said: As in a lot of people (including you) don't want to date others who they see as less desirable. gotcha. I feel less desirable for anyone I'm interested in Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted yesterday at 06:14 AM Share Posted yesterday at 06:14 AM 2 hours ago, whenisfriday said: gotcha. I feel less desirable for anyone I'm interested in No. You’re interested in the wrong kind of women.. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted yesterday at 06:37 AM Share Posted yesterday at 06:37 AM 2 hours ago, whenisfriday said: gotcha. I feel less desirable for anyone I'm interested in Yep, so you need to reconsider what you're looking for. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted 20 hours ago Share Posted 20 hours ago 11 hours ago, whenisfriday said: my therapist says that more muscle won't make me more confident because of how my ocd brain thinks. because apparently I always find something wrong. maybe he's right? so it seems pointless to do for that reason. I also tried for over a year and saw little to no results. I just didn't have the appetite to feed myself 3000+ calories a day either. it's all very discouraging and I don't know what to do anymore. yet people are saying my looks aren't the issue so I don't know who to believe Then you need to change your ignorant therapist! There is A LOT of science researches backing that exercise/gym help OCD. Exercises releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins that decrease tension, lift your mood and reduce discomfort. It’s not a cure, but it can help ease OCD symptoms. Why would your therapist tell you to spit on that?? Hitting the gym has nothing to do with eating 3000 calories a day. I am NOT telling you to become Mr. Universe, I am telling you to hit the gym and build muscles, human muscles, not movie marvel muscles. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted 19 hours ago Author Share Posted 19 hours ago (edited) 44 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Then you need to change your ignorant therapist! There is A LOT of science researches backing that exercise/gym help OCD. Exercises releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins that decrease tension, lift your mood and reduce discomfort. It’s not a cure, but it can help ease OCD symptoms. Why would your therapist tell you to spit on that?? Hitting the gym has nothing to do with eating 3000 calories a day. I am NOT telling you to become Mr. Universe, I am telling you to hit the gym and build muscles, human muscles, not movie marvel muscles. he's not saying I shouldn't work out. but he's saying I should do it for myself but not for women. he also says people with muscle still have those insecurities. he didn't say it can't reduce ocd symptoms though does that make sense? and I tried lifting for over a year and barely saw results. I also got tired of shoving 3000 calories down my throat. I didn't have the appetite to keep forcing myself. I'm saying that because I wanted to gain muscle. i need those calories otherwise I won't see results Edited 19 hours ago by whenisfriday Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author whenisfriday Posted 19 hours ago Author Share Posted 19 hours ago (edited) 49 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Then you need to change your ignorant therapist! There is A LOT of science researches backing that exercise/gym help OCD. Exercises releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins that decrease tension, lift your mood and reduce discomfort. It’s not a cure, but it can help ease OCD symptoms. Why would your therapist tell you to spit on that?? Hitting the gym has nothing to do with eating 3000 calories a day. I am NOT telling you to become Mr. Universe, I am telling you to hit the gym and build muscles, human muscles, not movie marvel muscles. hitting the gym didn't help my ocd or make me feel better about myself. unless it was the meds idk.also I'm not sure if you understand how ocd works and I mean that respectfully. once you solve one issue your brain finds something else to obsess over Edited 19 hours ago by whenisfriday Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.