are hotter women harder to get with?

[whenisfriday]

53 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Then you need to change your ignorant therapist!  There is A LOT of science researches backing that exercise/gym help OCD. Exercises releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins that decrease tension, lift your mood and reduce discomfort. It’s not a cure, but it can help ease OCD symptoms. Why would your therapist tell you to spit on that??

Hitting the gym has nothing to do with eating 3000 calories a day. I am NOT telling you to become Mr. Universe, I am telling you to hit the gym and build muscles, human muscles, not movie marvel muscles. 

also I'm not sure if you understand how ocd works. once you solve one issue your brain finds something else to obsess over. I mean that respectfilly(didn't mean to post this twice)

Edited 20 hours ago by whenisfriday

[whenisfriday]

54 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Then you need to change your ignorant therapist!  There is A LOT of science researches backing that exercise/gym help OCD. Exercises releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins that decrease tension, lift your mood and reduce discomfort. It’s not a cure, but it can help ease OCD symptoms. Why would your therapist tell you to spit on that??

Hitting the gym has nothing to do with eating 3000 calories a day. I am NOT telling you to become Mr. Universe, I am telling you to hit the gym and build muscles, human muscles, not movie marvel muscles. 

also I need that amount of calories to see results. I tried with less and didn't get any. it's not about looking like Mr. Olympia. a calorie deficit doesn't get you past beginner gains. I don't understand why some people suggest I eat less?

[whenisfriday]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Then you need to change your ignorant therapist!  There is A LOT of science researches backing that exercise/gym help OCD. Exercises releases feel-good chemicals called endorphins that decrease tension, lift your mood and reduce discomfort. It’s not a cure, but it can help ease OCD symptoms. Why would your therapist tell you to spit on that??

Hitting the gym has nothing to do with eating 3000 calories a day. I am NOT telling you to become Mr. Universe, I am telling you to hit the gym and build muscles, human muscles, not movie marvel muscles. 

also he's saying it loses effectiveness if my BODY is what I'm obsessing over 

[NuevoYorko]

What do you and your therapist work on together to help you manage your OCD?   

[Els]

Well, seems like you're in a bit of a pickle then. You don't want to put in the effort to be conventionally attractive, but you only want to date conventionally attractive women. In general, like begets like. Not necessarily in terms of "leagues", but rather that people who spend a lot of time and effort on their appearance will typically be attracted to people who share their view (i.e. people who also spend a lot of time and effort on their own appearance). Being conventionally attractive, especially for women, is ALL about putting in the time and effort, so if you're looking for women like that but don't want to go to the gym regularly, then it seems like you're shooting yourself in the foot.

[whenisfriday]

3 hours ago, Els said:

Well, seems like you're in a bit of a pickle then. You don't want to put in the effort to be conventionally attractive, but you only want to date conventionally attractive women. In general, like begets like. Not necessarily in terms of "leagues", but rather that people who spend a lot of time and effort on their appearance will typically be attracted to people who share their view (i.e. people who also spend a lot of time and effort on their own appearance). Being conventionally attractive, especially for women, is ALL about putting in the time and effort, so if you're looking for women like that but don't want to go to the gym regularly, then it seems like you're shooting yourself in the foot.

I don't know if the gym will help me based off of what my therapist is saying because he's saying it wont make me more confident with women and apparently people in the ocd forums agree. I'm also seeing a lot of women in online forums saying muscle doesn't matter much, unless that's just to make me feel better?? I'm not sure what to think. all the girls I find attractive are either with tall guys or guys who are decently built.

I've shaven my head, grown my beard and learned to dress better. I'm not sure if that's enough. I tried going to the gym for over the year but I couldn't keep force feeding myself enough calories. and no matter how much I tried I could not get stronger. I don't know why. unless you're saying that women are more likely to be receptive of me approaching them?

[whenisfriday]

4 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

What do you and your therapist work on together to help you manage your OCD?   

right now we're trying erp(exposure therapy) it works for at least almost an hour sometimes 

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, whenisfriday said:

I don't know if the gym will help me based off of what my therapist is saying because he's saying it wont make me more confident with women and apparently people in the ocd forums agree.

Quite true.  I used to work with a young man (no OCD) who was smoking hot. Tall, dark, handsome and comfortably muscled.  But he saw himself as being fat.   

We live in a word where body dysmorphia is a thing - not everybody has an accurate view of themselves

[whenisfriday]

12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Quite true.  I used to work with a young man (no OCD) who was smoking hot. Tall, dark, handsome and comfortably muscled.  But he saw himself as being fat.   

We live in a word where body dysmorphia is a thing - not everybody has an accurate view of themselves

I'm told I don't have body dysmorphia though 

[whenisfriday]

4 hours ago, Els said:

Well, seems like you're in a bit of a pickle then. You don't want to put in the effort to be conventionally attractive, but you only want to date conventionally attractive women. In general, like begets like. Not necessarily in terms of "leagues", but rather that people who spend a lot of time and effort on their appearance will typically be attracted to people who share their view (i.e. people who also spend a lot of time and effort on their own appearance). Being conventionally attractive, especially for women, is ALL about putting in the time and effort, so if you're looking for women like that but don't want to go to the gym regularly, then it seems like you're shooting yourself in the foot.

what's your personal definition of conventionally attractive? I usually go for women who are 7/10 in my eyes. People hate when I use ratings but I just don't know how else to describe it. I'm tired of not knowing who is and isn't in my league 

[basil67]

38 minutes ago, whenisfriday said:

I'm told I don't have body dysmorphia though 

My point is that being gym fit doesn't automatically improve a person's view of themselves.   I don't buy for a moment that getting pumped at the gym will always improve a person's self image.

I notice that your posts are all about the looks of a woman.  What do you want emotionally and intellectually?   Can you match it?   Yes, leagues are more than appearance. 

 

[whenisfriday]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

My point is that being gym fit doesn't automatically improve a person's view of themselves.   I don't buy for a moment that getting pumped at the gym will always improve a person's self image.

I notice that your posts are all about the looks of a woman.  What do you want emotionally and intellectually?   Can you match it?   Yes, leagues are more than appearance. 

 

ok I understand you now. as in what do I want in a woman other than look? I'd like someone who has similar views, interests and humor to me.

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, whenisfriday said:

I don't know if the gym will help me based off of what my therapist is saying because he's saying it wont make me more confident with women and apparently people in the ocd forums agree. I'm also seeing a lot of women in online forums saying muscle doesn't matter much, unless that's just to make me feel better?? I'm not sure what to think. all the girls I find attractive are either with tall guys or guys who are decently built.

I've shaven my head, grown my beard and learned to dress better. I'm not sure if that's enough. I tried going to the gym for over the year but I couldn't keep force feeding myself enough calories. and no matter how much I tried I could not get stronger. I don't know why. unless you're saying that women are more likely to be receptive of me approaching them?

You don’t appear to understand the point we are trying to make here,

You seem to like women who are superficially, conventionally attractive, and who like the same type of men. You only have two choices here:

1) Work incredibly hard to improve your superficial, conventional attractiveness level, so that those women will like you more.

2) Start looking for women who are attracted to men like you.

Obviously, the second choice is much better. But it looks like you think that women with purely physical preferences must like you even though you don’t correspond to those preferences. That is just illogical. Women who are all about looks are attracted to men who are all about looks. Why would you even be interested in such women in the first place?

[whenisfriday]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

You don’t appear to understand the point we are trying to make here,

You seem to like women who are superficially, conventionally attractive, and who like the same type of men. You only have two choices here:

1) Work incredibly hard to improve your superficial, conventional attractiveness level, so that those women will like you more.

2) Start looking for women who are attracted to men like you.

Obviously, the second choice is much better. But it looks like you think that women with purely physical preferences must like you even though you don’t correspond to those preferences. That is just illogical. Women who are all about looks are attracted to men who are all about looks. Why would you even be interested in such women in the first place?

I get you. I definitely don't want to be with anyone who ONLY cares about looks.

[NuevoYorko]

Have you ever encountered a woman whose looks are  not necessarily high on a one dimensional numeric scale, but you still find them attractive?   I think it happens more often  as we're getting to know a person than just seeing them on the street or in a club.  Things a person does can become quite endearing and you grow to love looking at them even if they are not HAWT or whatever.  

Have you had this experience?

[whenisfriday]

1 hour ago, NuevoYorko said:

Have you ever encountered a woman whose looks are  not necessarily high on a one dimensional numeric scale, but you still find them attractive?   I think it happens more often  as we're getting to know a person than just seeing them on the street or in a club.  Things a person does can become quite endearing and you grow to love looking at them even if they are not HAWT or whatever.  

Have you had this experience?

I'd say that a lot of the women I've tried with aren't exactly what you see on magazine covers. But they are cute enough for me and in some ways more attractive. some were even overweight on rare occasions if I liked their face and personality. I'm always trying to figure out who is and isn't out of my league and which women are worth trying with. 

 

There's been occasions where I may not have thought much of them until they started being really nice to me. However if I find someone UNattractive then attraction won't build for me even with personality. I have to already find them somewhat cute if that makes sense? So yes I agree attraction can build but there has to be somewhat of a starting point for me. I always say I'm looking for "semi conventionally" attractive women. although some of my guy friends will say they look average looking when I show photos.

 

 

Edited 5 hours ago by whenisfriday

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, whenisfriday said:

I'm always trying to figure out ... which women are worth trying with. 

The women who show interest in you AND are a bit flirty.