foxy25 Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 (edited) Hi, So I met this guy online(Jake) and had our first date on 31st October 2019. We had a good first date and then had a second date 9th November. We slept together on the 17th November for the first time. We didn't have the exclusivity talk because at the time I was moving to a different country and didn't want to commit or make him commit to anything back then. ( Flights were booked for April 2020) However I kissed a guy on the 30th of November and another guy on the 14th December on nights out. At the time I didn't see an issue with it as me and Jake hadn't had the talk and I assumed he was also a free agent. Christmas week his ex text him to meet up and he said it to me, I told him to go ahead with meeting her and get whatever closure he needed as there was no point in not. The meeting didn't go well with the 2 of them as he told her he was seeing someone. I met Jakes friends on the 21st of December at his house and then again on the 28th/29th December 2019 and then I realised maybe he isn't with other people and I also didn't want to be as I met his friends too. We didn't do Christmas presents that year as I guess we didn't know what we even were. On the 28th December he asked me if I had been with anyone else and I told him I had kissed 2 other guys which he was shocked by, I was surprised by his reaction as I thought he was also doing whatever he wanted. We then kinda said let's be exclusive from the 28th December even though I was still aiming to travel. Turns out covid hit in 2020 and I didn't get to go travelling. Me and Jake stayed together and have been together 5 years. Because it worked out between us I feel guilty about kissing those 2 guys all those years ago in the first 6 weeks of knowing him. I guess I feel bad because he wasn't with anyone else during that time but I was. Does that make it cheating from my side? Was it bad of me to be texting and going on dates with him and still kiss 2 guys? I knew we both liked each other early on. Thanks Edited November 20 by foxy25 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 (edited) The two of you weren't exclusive, you clearly weren't so enamoured that you only wanted him, he knows about the incidents and he accepts it. Thing is, you can feel guilt all you want, but if you can't change it and it's not affecting your relationship then you're really just being toxic to yourself for no good reason. It's time to let it go and focus on the here and now Edited November 20 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted November 21 Share Posted November 21 Please stop blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong, it wasn’t cheating. You and Jake weren’t exclusive yet, you were free to kiss or even have sex with whomever you wanted to at that point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 21 Share Posted November 21 Ya but how were you supposed to know how things would have ended up the way they did? You barely knew each other, there was no commitment, and you were planning to move on in April. To boot, you told him everything, he got over it and quickly went forward. Why now is this bothering you...it's 5 years later? What's changed? You pregnant? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author foxy25 Posted November 21 Author Share Posted November 21 Although I said I told him about the 2 incidents when we had the discussion end of December, I actually only told him I kissed someone and when he replied in shock I didnt tell him about the second kiss until last year as at the time I didnt want to tell him there was a second person when he was disappointed there was a first. I think I feel guilty because I didnt tell him about both at the same time. I guess I told a white lie. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 21 Share Posted November 21 10 hours ago, foxy25 said: Although I said I told him about the 2 incidents when we had the discussion end of December, I actually only told him I kissed someone and when he replied in shock I didnt tell him about the second kiss until last year as at the time I didnt want to tell him there was a second person when he was disappointed there was a first. I think I feel guilty because I didnt tell him about both at the same time. I guess I told a white lie. So you both had different dating expectations...that shouldn't matter. Why should you feel guilty about it when you thought he was just as free to do whatever? The only thing wrong was that you two just assumed and there was no communication. Water under the bridge. No reason to dwell on it now. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted November 22 Share Posted November 22 Verdict: No. You didn't cheat. End of story You did tell a lie of omission when you didn't tell him about the second kiss guy at the time when you came clean. It happens - Don't make it happen of it. Learn from this. And with that, move forward with a clean conscience. Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted November 23 Share Posted November 23 I would say that no, you didn't cheat. And you were honest with him and told him. Things happen early in a relationship. No one knows what the other wants unless they talk about it. If anything you can say that both of you failed to communicate early on as to where you were, but that's on the two of you, not just you. All that matters is that you take the rest of the time you have together and make it worth it. Kissing a couple of guys 5 years ago when you weren't even sure you were an item should not be a deal breaker. Link to post Share on other sites
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