Did I technically cheat?

[foxy25]

Hi,

So I met this guy online(Jake) and had our first date on 31st October 2019. We had a good first date and then had a second date 9th November. We slept together on the 17th November for the first time.

We didn't have the exclusivity talk because at the time I was moving to a different country and didn't want to commit or make him commit to anything back then. ( Flights were booked for April 2020)

However I kissed a guy on the 30th of November and another guy on the 14th December on nights out. At the time I didn't see an issue with it as me and Jake hadn't had the talk and I assumed he was also a free agent. 

Christmas week his ex text him to meet up and he said it to me, I told him to go ahead with meeting her and get whatever closure he needed as there was no point in not. The meeting didn't go well with the 2 of them as he told her he was seeing someone.

I met Jakes friends on the 21st of December at his house and then again on the 28th/29th December 2019 and then I realised maybe he isn't with other people and I also didn't want to be as I met his friends too. We didn't do Christmas presents that year as I guess we didn't know what we even were. On the 28th December he asked me if I had been with anyone else and I told him I had kissed 2 other guys which he was shocked by, I was surprised by his reaction as I thought he was also doing whatever he wanted. We then kinda said let's be exclusive from the 28th December even though I was still aiming to travel.

Turns out covid hit in 2020 and I didn't get to go travelling. Me and Jake stayed together and have been together 5 years. Because it worked out between us I feel guilty about kissing those 2 guys all those years ago in the first 6 weeks of knowing him. I guess I feel bad because he wasn't with anyone else during that time but I was. Does that make it cheating from my side? Was it bad of me to be texting and going on dates with him and still kiss 2 guys? I knew we both liked each other early on.

 

Thanks 

Edited 19 hours ago by foxy25

[basil67]

The two of you weren't exclusive, you clearly weren't so enamoured that you only wanted him, he knows about the incidents and he accepts it.   

Thing is, you can feel guilt all you want, but if you can't change it and it's not affecting your relationship then you're really just being toxic to yourself for no good reason.   It's time to let it go and focus on the here and now

Edited 12 hours ago by basil67

[Gebidozo]

Please stop blaming yourself. You did nothing wrong, it wasn’t cheating. You and Jake weren’t exclusive yet, you were free to kiss or even have sex with whomever you wanted to at that point.

 

[smackie9]

Ya but how were you supposed to know how things would have ended up the way they did? You barely knew each other, there was no commitment, and you were planning to move on in April. To boot, you told him everything, he got over it and quickly went forward. Why now is this bothering you...it's 5 years later? What's changed? You pregnant?