Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 I’m 38 I’ve been with my 33 year old girlfriend for just over two years and we love each other dearly. We have nearly everything in common, get along amazingly, and love being with each other. We kiss passionately, hug, hold hands, and cuddle but that is it. I have literally not even seen her bras other than when she bends over to pick something up. I divorced my ex 6 years ago due to having no sex life for 7 solid years of our 15 years together and her having no interest in fixing it so I have been out of the dating game for a while. Is this the new norm? She won’t talk about previous relationships or tell me how many boyfriends she has had. She is VERY flirtatious and the only time we were starting to get hot and heavy she stopped and giggled. She sent me a text later that night saying “you almost got to see them ;)”. I can slap her butt in a playful manner but I haven’t touched her breasts or even seen her in a more revealing manner than shorts and a tank top. If this is the new normal I might just be better off breaking it off with her and staying single Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 It's not the new normal What conversations have you had with her about the situation? When does she feel that she may be ready for intimacy? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 (edited) Definitely not the norm. At 38, why did you let this go on for 2 years? Especially you were sex starved in your last relationship. You are not compatible. Edited November 20 by Gaeta 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 20 Author Share Posted November 20 46 minutes ago, basil67 said: It's not the new normal What conversations have you had with her about the situation? When does she feel that she may be ready for intimacy? Thanks for the reply. She tries to change the subject whenever I do bring it up. I’ve tried to ask her if she’s uncomfortable moving the relationship forward and becoming more intimate and she will giggle and say, I am acting silly. She tells me that relationships are built on more than just sex and anything worth having is worth waiting for. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 20 Author Share Posted November 20 17 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Definitely not the norm. At 38, why did you let this go on for 2 years? Especially you were sex starved in your last relationship. You are not compatible. I honestly did not know what to expect. I had actually trained myself in my last marriage that I just didn’t need sex and I had stopped craving it. I finally got to the point where I woke up and realized it wasn’t normal. I honestly hadn’t craved intimacy or sex until I started dating this woman. She is dropdead gorgeous, and is literally everything I want in a woman except for the lack of intimacy. The fact that I can go down to the beach in the middle of the summer and Seymour skin, then I can on my own girlfriend is extremely frustrating. In all honesty between my ex-wife and this woman, I really am half tempted to just stay single and focus on just me. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about compatibility or sex and could just use my hand since it has gotten me through the last 9.5 years just fine. (sorry, just irritated.) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 Responding to both of your recent replies: Where is your commonsense man??? A wife who lost attraction to you and a nutty girlfriend do not represent the entirety of womankind 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 20 Author Share Posted November 20 9 minutes ago, basil67 said: Responding to both of your recent replies: Where is your commonsense man??? A wife who lost attraction to you and a nutty girlfriend do not represent the entirety of womankind Why attack me based on how I feel? Basically, I’m simply stating that it seems like women are just too much of a hassle. If I just stay single, then I don’t have to worry about intimacy, or the other person cheating. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 32 minutes ago, Dazedandconfused86 said: The fact that I can go down to the beach in the middle of the summer and Seymour skin, then I can on my own girlfriend is extremely frustrating. Ok then it's baffling why you have stayed in this relationship. She clearly isn't interested in having a sexual relationship and you are not compatible. So what are you sticking around for? 33 minutes ago, Dazedandconfused86 said: In all honesty between my ex-wife and this woman, I really am half tempted to just stay single and focus on just me. I'm not sure why you seem to think your ex wife and this new woman are the only two women on earth. Did you ever think of trying..... going back out into the dating pool? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 Just now, Dazedandconfused86 said: Why attack me based on how I feel? Basically, I’m simply stating that it seems like women are just too much of a hassle. If I just stay single, then I don’t have to worry about intimacy, or the other person cheating. I'm not attacking you - just pointing out that a sample of two means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Sure, you can stay single - but wouldn't it be better to accept that your girlfriend is a tease and finding a better partner for yourself? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 20 Author Share Posted November 20 3 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Ok then it's baffling why you have stayed in this relationship. She clearly isn't interested in having a sexual relationship and you are not compatible. So what are you sticking around for? I'm not sure why you seem to think your ex wife and this new woman are the only two women on earth. Did you ever think of trying..... going back out into the dating pool? This area is absolutely horrible for dating. I honestly have no idea where I would find eligible women in this area in my age range. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 Just now, Dazedandconfused86 said: This area is absolutely horrible for dating. I honestly have no idea where I would find eligible women in this area in my age range. So you mean to tell me NO ONE in your area dates? I find that hard to believe. People manage to find ways to date. But regardless, it's better to be single than to be with the wrong person. It makes no sense that you are staying with this woman who has no interest in a sexual relationship. Her line of "anything worth having is worth waiting for" is ridiculous BS. It's been TWO YEARS. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 20 Author Share Posted November 20 3 minutes ago, basil67 said: I'm not attacking you - just pointing out that a sample of two means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Sure, you can stay single - but wouldn't it be better to accept that your girlfriend is a tease and finding a better partner for yourself? I apologize. To be completely transparent, having not had any type of sex since the age of 29 has pretty much emasculated me. I ended up training myself that sex is not needed and quite frankly as a waste of time. I ended up meeting this girl and we hit it off right away.. We are compatible on every single level except the intimacy, which I don’t understand. I think you and the others are right that I need to just break it off and see what else is out there. Unfortunately, outside of this relationship and my marriage, my only previous relationships were in my late teens, where this kind of behavior was normal from women. I guess I just am inexperienced and don’t know what to expect. I had always figured women didn’t get intimate until they were sure the person they are with was borderline husband material or you have been in a relationship for several years. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 20 Author Share Posted November 20 1 minute ago, ShyViolet said: So you mean to tell me NO ONE in your area dates? I find that hard to believe. People manage to find ways to date. But regardless, it's better to be single than to be with the wrong person. It makes no sense that you are staying with this woman who has no interest in a sexual relationship. Her line of "anything worth having is worth waiting for" is ridiculous BS. It's been TWO YEARS. I don’t drink so I don’t go to bars. My hobbies consist of hiking, working out, gardening, taking care of my yard, and I love vehicles. I don’t really know where to find single women in my area. I didn’t say nobody is dating. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 4 minutes ago, Dazedandconfused86 said: I don’t drink so I don’t go to bars. My hobbies consist of hiking, working out, gardening, taking care of my yard, and I love vehicles. I don’t really know where to find single women in my area. I didn’t say nobody is dating. Getting out there, going to meet ups, clubs, events, whatever, would be a better use of your time than staying in this relationship with this nutty woman. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 53 minutes ago, Dazedandconfused86 said: She tells me that relationships are built on more than just sex and anything worth having is worth waiting for. Two years into a relationship with no sex - that’s called a friendship. How long does she expect you to wait? Or, more importantly, how long are you going to allow this to continue? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 20 Author Share Posted November 20 4 minutes ago, ShyViolet said: Getting out there, going to meet ups, clubs, events, whatever, would be a better use of your time than staying in this relationship with this nutty woman. I do agree it seems like a waste of time staying with her and thinking things will chance, but clubbing is not my thing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 20 Share Posted November 20 10 minutes ago, Dazedandconfused86 said: I had always figured women didn’t get intimate until they were sure the person they are with was borderline husband material or you have been in a relationship for several years. How long do you think it take a woman to know that the man she is dating is husband material? I knew within weeks/the first few months. A woman who is interested in a man does not wait years to have sex with him - unless she has chosen abstinence prior to marriage. I would think that the experience of ending a marriage due to lack of intimacy would bring for you an understanding of the importance of physical intimacy in a relationship/marriage. The fact that you are two years into this relationship and she is playing these kind of games with you should be a HUGE red flag. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 20 Author Share Posted November 20 4 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Two years into a relationship with no sex - that’s called a friendship. How long does she expect you to wait? Or, more importantly, how long are you going to allow this to continue? I guess I don’t know. My last experience with dating before my ex was when I was 17 so I guess I figured it was normal to not have sex and it’s just the “male stereotype” in me that wants it more than a woman would. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 20 Author Share Posted November 20 Just now, BaileyB said: How long do you think it take a woman to know that the man she is dating is husband material? I knew within weeks/the first few months. A woman who is interested in a man does not wait years to have sex with him - unless she has chosen abstinence prior to marriage. I would think that the experience of ending a marriage due to lack of intimacy would bring for you an understanding of the importance of physical intimacy in a relationship/marriage. The fact that you are two years into this relationship and she is playing these kind of games with you should be a HUGE red flag. I guess I’m still stuck in my mindset from when I last dated before my ex which was 17. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 21 Share Posted November 21 Get on a dating site. 75% of singles are online. It does not matter why you did not have sex for years. Now you want a relationship with intimicy. In your age range people had plenty of sex and they don't need two years to figure things out, l would say people usually know under 6-8 weeks. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted November 21 Share Posted November 21 Withholding sex after 2 years (!) of dating is definitely not something I’d consider normal, and most definitely not the typical behavior of modern Western-educated women. What’s even stranger, though, is that you appear to extrapolate your experiences with your ex and your GF on women in general, and even feel desperate enough to stop dating. Please get rid of the false idea that men want sex more than women. Women are sexual beings just like men, and have sexual desires and cravings. If a woman delays sex to such extent or withholds it completely, there are only two possible explanations: 1) She is asexual or has extremely low libido, which means you shouldn’t be dating her (unless you’re like that yourself or totally fine with that); 2) She doesn’t really like you, which means you shouldn’t be dating her. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 21 Share Posted November 21 37 minutes ago, Dazedandconfused86 said: I guess I don’t know. My last experience with dating before my ex was when I was 17 so I guess I figured it was normal to not have sex and it’s just the “male stereotype” in me that wants it more than a woman would. Woman here: I started having sex at 15 and loved it! Sure, some 16-17yo women aren't ready and that's fine. But even in the early 80's when I was young, there was plenty of mutually enthusiastic teenage sex going on. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 21 Author Share Posted November 21 8 minutes ago, basil67 said: Woman here: I started having sex at 15 and loved it! Sure, some 16-17yo women aren't ready and that's fine. But even in the early 80's when I was young, there was plenty of mutually enthusiastic teenage sex going on. Interesting, when I was in high school back in 2001 and 17-18 nobody was having sex. People dated for years but never did more than make out. I think I’m still living in the older times. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 21 Author Share Posted November 21 25 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Withholding sex after 2 years (!) of dating is definitely not something I’d consider normal, and most definitely not the typical behavior of modern Western-educated women. What’s even stranger, though, is that you appear to extrapolate your experiences with your ex and your GF on women in general, and even feel desperate enough to stop dating. Please get rid of the false idea that men want sex more than women. Women are sexual beings just like men, and have sexual desires and cravings. If a woman delays sex to such extent or withholds it completely, there are only two possible explanations: 1) She is asexual or has extremely low libido, which means you shouldn’t be dating her (unless you’re like that yourself or totally fine with that); 2) She doesn’t really like you, which means you shouldn’t be dating her. I’ve always thought women in general thought of men to be horn dogs that want only 1 thing and that 1 thing needs to be earned. It’s just how I was raised, but thanks for the replies. I might be a bit more screwed up than I thought. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dazedandconfused86 Posted November 21 Author Share Posted November 21 33 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Get on a dating site. 75% of singles are online. It does not matter why you did not have sex for years. Now you want a relationship with intimicy. In your age range people had plenty of sex and they don't need two years to figure things out, l would say people usually know under 6-8 weeks. Serious question then. How come I know couples that have been dating for years but haven’t gotten married? Is marriage starting to essentially be phased out as a non-essential? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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