He suddenly went cold again after getting 'too excited'

[babybrowns]

Hello all,

6 months ago, I matched with a guy online. There was quite a geographical distance between us, but we kept talking for a while because we both really enjoyed our communications with each other. We matched when he was down near my neck of the woods one weekend, visiting his mother. We have never met up, neither have we ever spoken on the phone.

At one point when we were talking back then, he did ask me if I wanted to meet up since he’d be visiting his mother one weekend, but unfortunately that particular weekend was a very busy one for me so I had to decline.

We kept chatting, but eventually when the aspect of a long distance between us kept looming over, we drifted apart, moreso him than me.

After we stopped talking, I did often think of him. I really enjoyed our communications and didn’t want to let that go completely. Even though I had never met this person or spoken with him on the phone, I felt a fondness for him from when we connected that I don’t often feel with men anymore. So recently, I thought I would reach out again just to check in with him, which I did a few days ago.

I was pleasantly surprised when I did. He seemed very happy to hear from me, and expressed a willingness to meet up. He said that he now had a new job that was closer to my neck of the woods. I asked if he wanted to speak on the phone one night, to which he responded positively so we scheduled a call for yesterday.

The night before this scheduled phone call however, things took a bit of a turn, in a direction that I wasn’t too comfortable with. He was texting me one night when he was in a bit of a horny mood. I had never before seen this side of him- he had never spoken to me like this before; I was accustomed to seeing his ‘more decent’ side.

My responses to his ‘risué messages’ were not quite matching his level of energy, but likewise I was humouring him just enough as to not ‘put him off’. He could sense that he was probably being a little ‘too much’ and did intermittently say “sorry if that’s a little too cheeky!” during these exchanges. He even asked there and then if we could do our phone chat right then instead of the next evening when it was scheduled for, but since it was already getting quite late that night and I had an early start the next day, I requested for us to keep it for the next evening as planned. He said “sure, keep me updated on when’s good for you tomorrow 🥰”

I was looking forward to our telephone chat, when I hoped we would finally have a chance to hear each other’s voices for the first time and get to build a connection in some way other than just via text message, which we had always ever done.

However, when I subsequently got in touch the next day to confirm what time we would be doing our phone call that evening, it seemed as if something had changed for him. He left my message on ‘unread’ for a few hours, and then sent me quite an indifferent reply in which he said he had to cancel our call. His energy was incredibly different to how he had been the night before and the preceding day when I had first reached out.

He expressed in his cancellation message that his mother had some friends cancel on her last weekend so he thought he would go spend the evening with her since she’d been by herself for a couple of days. He joked that he “realised he got a little too cheeky with me last night and that he was trying to now balance out his karma by being a good son to his mother 😆” 

He did not offer to reschedule our phone call, and was very vague in the message in general- saying we would ‘definitely meet up one day’. It was as if our recent conversations about planning a call and a meetup in the near future never happened.

I expressed to him that if he’s not actually that interested, it would be best if he came clean about that so that we could both just move on and cut contact once and for good. He kept trying to say “no, he is” , that he “doesn’t want to waste his second chance with me”, but still no suggestion of a phone call or a meetup. It was almost as if he was just trying to say enough to keep me around when actually he lacked any real interest in seeing where things go with me.

So I am now back to where I started- him stepping back, but for a different reason this time to when he attributed it to ‘the distance’ the first time- but I am left wondering why he has done so this time? I’m left confused.

I would really appreciate some inputs to help me make sense of why he might have disappeared all over again. He seemed so interested just a few days ago, and for some reason, after that night that he was horny and then apologetic for this, he went cold on me again.

Thank you in advance for your support 💛

 

Edited 9 hours ago by babybrowns

[NuevoYorko]

24 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

We kept chatting, but eventually when the aspect of a long distance between us kept looming over, we drifted apart, moreso him than me.

That might be the crux of it right there.  He didn't want to spend his energy cultivating "something" with a person that he could not date in real life.  So he faded off.

YOU reached out to him.  He was happy to hear from you - and steered the contact towards "sextng."  Which is reasonable, under the circumstances, since you life far apart and can't actually date.  

But, it didn't really get off the ground.  So ... here you are.

[babybrowns]

Hi, nope the distance was an issue the first time but not this time- as mentioned he now has a job closer to where I (and his mother) live. It is a hybrid job so he is spending half the week here, and the other half of the week back home in the distant town where he’s from. This is why I’m wondering as to his reasons for stepping back this second time, when the first time it was supposedly the distance as he’d said.

Edited 9 hours ago by babybrowns

[basil67]

Everything changed at the point where he wanted to sext and you didn't, so the change would have been related to that.  I guess he's thinking that the two of you want different things and faded

 

[NuevoYorko]

3 hours ago, babybrowns said:

Hi, nope the distance was an issue the first time but not this time- as mentioned he now has a job closer to where I (and his mother) live. It is a hybrid job so he is spending half the week here, and the other half of the week back home in the distant town where he’s from. This is why I’m wondering as to his reasons for stepping back this second time, when the first time it was supposedly the distance as he’d said.

Well ... he actually never reached out to you to let you know he was now closer.   According to your OP, he only told you this after YOU took the initiative to reach out.  He didn't let you know on his own. That says all you need to know about his level of interest.

If you need more - his first impulse was not to ask you for a date -- it was to try sexting.

Sorry.  Don't be too disappointed though - he's really just an Internet stranger, though you developed some feelings for him.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

5 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

If you need more - his first impulse was not to ask you for a date -- it was to try sexting.

This. 

You two don't want the same things out of this. I wouldn't bother trying to keep this afloat. You are a back-up option for him, and not even for a date. He's not that interested in more or he would have let you know on his own that he was nearer to you now, but he didn't bother until you reached out to him. 

This guy is just not a match for you.