filly Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 Hi I’m new here as a poster although I have read the board for a while now. My story…... Almost 2 1/2yrs ago I went back to uni. Pretty soon in the first year I crossed paths with a guy (secondment from military) on my course, as soon as I set eyes on him something clicked inside me. I didn’t register it too strongly at first, but the moment is forever locked inside my mind. As I got to know him a bit, I found out he was married and had 2 teenage children, although he is only in his mid-30’s. My feelings for him at this stage weren’t too strong and although a bit of a blow, I could deal with it. Initially I was friends with a group of people that he was also acquainted with….too cut along story short I am not on friendly terms with the girls in this group any more and after the first year stopped all contact as far as possible with them, he has since become friendlier with this group (mix of girls and boys, some also military). Due to this reason my contact with him as since become very limited but my feelings for him have grown overwhelmingly strong, I am confused my morals tell me to stay away he’s married but my heart is hoping there might be a chance – like this is fate we were meant to meet…………., too the point I feel suicidal at the thought of this year finishing and never seeing him again. We have had lots of ups and downs between us too many to mention all in one go, I have felt like there is something between us, but I could be reading all the signals wrong. I have tried speaking to some friends but even though I have tried taking their advice, none of them have been in this situation themselves and I feel they don’t really understand where I am coming from. I desperately need help, the last few years have been a nightmare, its affected my health seriously and my studies, even typing this now I am in floods of tears, I don’t know what to do to overcome my feelings for him, and nothing has worked so far. I need people to talk to and understand and help me….tell me everything will be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 7, 2006 Share Posted January 7, 2006 I believe that the most wonderful & powerful thing about love is that it is shared. Like the love he most likely shares with his wife & family. It seems to me that your feelings for this man are not based on anything other than what is going on in your own mind. ...too the point I feel suicidal at the thought of this year finishing and never seeing him again. I desperately need help, the last few years have been a nightmare, its affected my health seriously and my studies, even typing this now I am in floods of tears, I don’t know what to do to overcome my feelings for him, and nothing has worked so far. I mean this sincerely when I say that perhaps you should be seeking professional help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author filly Posted January 21, 2006 Author Share Posted January 21, 2006 I read what you said and can understand what you are trying to tell me. But the last 2 weeks things have changed a lot. We started talking on messenger, very innocent to start off with but the talk soon hotted up. We were chatting about emoticons, I wanted to know if he was using an old version or new version of messenger, and asked if he could see the pics. He asked if they would be exciting, misunderstood what I meant and I said no but I could show him some exciting pics if he wanted, I was just flirting to see what his reaction would be. He got really excited and spent ages teasing me asking me to send him a picture. I didn't at first and logged off but when I logged on again in the evening he sent me a msg and started the convo up again. In the end I sent him a pix naughty but not disgusting. He seemed to love it and to cut it short more pixs followed and we had over a few days really hot convos. He said some really flattering things but I don't know if this is just a trick. From his talk hes giving me the impression he likes me but is not sure about pushing it further?? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 my morals tell me to stay away he’s married Listen to them. but my heart is hoping there might be a chance – like this is fate we were meant to meet…………., Your 'heart' doesn't know squat. There are a couple dozen people right now convinced that their 'hearts' tell them that they and Brad Pitt are 'meant to meet'. You have met thousands of people in your life - were they all 'meant'? There are hundreds of thousands of people who have had their hearts broken because the people they were POSITIVE they were 'meant' to be with turned out to be bad deals. What you call your 'heart' is just wishful thinking based on your fantasy. Nothing more. too the point I feel suicidal at the thought of this year finishing and never seeing him again. This is an extremely unhealthy obsession. You will only come to grief. Sure, maybe he's IMing you a bit and maybe he'll even screw you, but make no mistake, you'll turn into yet another of those pathetic women hanging on for years, believing he 'loves' you while you put your life on hold and he comes up with excuse after excuse why he won't leave his wife. Don't be one of them. You badly need help if you actually feel suicidal over this guy. Please, please drop all contact with him and get yourself to a therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 But the last 2 weeks things have changed a lot. What has changed? He's left his wife & children & wants to be with you? No? I didn't think so. From his talk hes giving me the impression he likes me but is not sure about pushing it further?? What does it matter? He's married and he's behaving inappropriately with another woman. No doubt he'll 'push' this as far as you let him. In the end I sent him a pix naughty but not disgusting. He seemed to love it and to cut it short more pixs followed and we had over a few days really hot convos. The only thing that has changed is that you both have upped the stakes as far as having an affair. You are on the slippery slope to that already. Then you'll be back posting here & asking why he hasn't left his wife yet & when is he going to leave his wife & how you're so miserable & still feeling suicidal......... Nothing good will come from this. Nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
nonmymouse Posted January 25, 2006 Share Posted January 25, 2006 Peolple cant control their feelings with the flick of a switch. If they could they would be 'thoughts' , not 'feelings'. The only cure for unrequited love is to sever contact with that person, or endure the agony. I'm going through it at the moment, and it is real, and it hurts alot. Unfortunately, I spend all day sitting opposite this person at work. Maybe it's just a mega crush, who knows; feelings cant always be put into words. All i know is I feel awful and just want to return to normality. Love is not rational; infatuation is not rational; having your life turned into turmoil by a person you work with is not rational. These things happen. Link to post Share on other sites
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