He ended the affair but won't leave completely?

[Liztaylor101]

So I posted a lengthy essay on here, I have no reason why I am on here… I guess I can’t afford therapy and I can’t open up to anyone in the real world due to the nature of the situation. 
 

but cutting it short, I was part of what most people would call an affair, it’s not something we labeled it… it was emotional for many years before it became physical, and the physical part was sort lived. Neither of us spoke of leaving our spouses and I suppose it came to a dead end, he ended things with me and told me he wants to focus on his wife and family, that he doesn’t love me but will always care. 
 

since him ending things, I have left quietly and I haven’t bothered him. I’m not sure if he expected me to plead and beg, or become needy. It’s hurt more than anything I’ve ever felt but I never went to him with my pain, and respected his decision. Though since then he hasn’t fully left. 
 

bearing in my he ended it with me, so I haven’t closed communication, and he left it open between us, though I haven’t taken up the opportunity to message him. He has with me, every few weeks he will message asking if I want to join him and mutual friends out for drinks or food, it isn’t sex related I don’t believe as we wouldn’t be alone. 
 

this week, after 3 weeks of no contact he messages me a blank message, and then an hour later he messages asking if I’m still alive and checking in. I briefly reply and tell him I’m goo, thanks, then this morning I turn up at work and he’s sent me lunch from the company I like my sandwiches from. 
 

im really confused, he ended what we had, he’s been silent and distant for months, yet he hangs around, why? And won’t let the communication end completely 

Edited November 22, 2024 by Liztaylor101

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, Liztaylor101 said:

im really confused, he ended what we had, he’s been silent and distant for months, yet he hangs around, why?

Eh, this is very common. He's trying to keep you on the back-burner in case he wants attention or affection again. 

That's all. 

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Liztaylor101 said:

im really confused, he ended what we had, he’s been silent and distant for months, yet he hangs around, why? And won’t let the communication end completely 

Why does he do it - because he can. He is either keeping you on the back burner should his commitment to his wife ever waver… or, he just enjoys jerking you around for the fun of it. Why does a bully continue to pick on their victim - because it gives them a thrill to see if they still have the ability to do so. He will continue to do so for as long as you allow it to continue…

He may have ended the affair, but it’s up to you to end the relationship. Go no contact. 

Edited November 23, 2024 by BaileyB

[Jessee]

I’m going through the same thing kind of… 

Edited November 23, 2024 by Jessee

[Liztaylor101]

8 hours ago, Jessee said:

I’m going through the same thing kind of… 

Hard isn’t it, it’s like just when I’ve learnt to fully let go he returns in some way….. 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Liztaylor101 said:

Hard isn’t it, it’s like just when I’ve learnt to fully let go he returns in some way….. 

If this were true, this man would not be able to contact you.

 

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, Liztaylor101 said:

Hard isn’t it, it’s like just when I’ve learnt to fully let go he returns in some way….. 

You are getting something out of it too, otherwise you wouldn’t allow it - you would block him and go no contact. 

[Leihla_B]

23 hours ago, Liztaylor101 said:

...he ended what we had, he’s been silent and distant for months, yet he hangs around, why? And won’t let the communication end completely 

You won't let it end, either. He gets to enjoy the confidence of knowing that. Meanwhile, you stay miserable stalking his SM posts and waiting for these little tests from him.

You get to decide whether this is how you want to live.