stillafool Posted December 2 Share Posted December 2 4 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: I’ve had my friends vet my profile. Why don't you ask your friends to introduce you to some of their male single friends? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 2 Author Share Posted December 2 28 minutes ago, stillafool said: Why don't you ask your friends to introduce you to some of their male single friends? have done but my friends don't have single male friends. I have quite a close knit friendship group, we l quite introverted. Like there are a couple of single guys my friends said I would like but those men are ethically non monogamous or they don't want children or don't know if they will stay in the uk long term so my friends don't want to introduce me. I often ask them if they know anyone else single made some lovely guy friends of my own this year. One of which doesn’t want kids and the other one is married but in an unhappy marriage. so maybe I just have to be patient. Dating in the uk is not for the faint hearted. My housemate is also getting upset and feeling the same way Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 2 Author Share Posted December 2 34 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: You come off as needy, self absorbed and somewhat unrealistic. From the way you post, it seems like all you talk about with everyone is your dating woes and why nobody likes you. "All your friends" tell you you're just perfect, it's not you, it's the men. And here, you ae very defensive in order to make sure nobody here can think you might be doing something to contribute to your situation. In service of your defensiveness, you contradict yourself quite readily. Your stories change at the drop of a hat; for example, you say you've never had a relationship, no guy ever comes on to you, etc. But recently on this thread you are bringing up the guys you've dated and what they think of you. You say you have NO friends because none of them have time for you since they all have boyfriends, and now you're talking a lot about all your friends. And again, it seems like you are talking about this topic with them nonstop. That will push people away from you. If you are authentic, living your life with purpose, and being solid and true friend, you will find your way to a relationship. As it stands it really seems like you have a great deal of growing up to do - including learning to be accountable for yourself. I’m just venting here you don’t know me. I’m Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 2 Share Posted December 2 6 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: I’m just venting here you don’t know me. I’m Of course we don't. All we have to go on is what you post here. If it's not really indicative of how things are for you in your real life - why bother posting them? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 2 Author Share Posted December 2 2 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Of course we don't. All we have to go on is what you post here. If it's not really indicative of how things are for you in your real life - why bother posting them? I just vented when I had an upsetting week last week. Everything got a bit overwhelming Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 2 Author Share Posted December 2 (edited) 19 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Of course we don't. All we have to go on is what you post here. If it's not really indicative of how things are for you in your real life - why bother posting them? One more thing, it’s normal to date someone for a while, have a good connection, things taking a slow and healthy pace and them to say they don’t feel romantic???That’s what’s triggered to me worry all year. As I finally met someone who wanted kids, similar intellect, liked doing the same things as me, loads of coincidences too. Eg I went on holiday to Portugal last year and he was in the back of one of my pictures on holiday even before we met! Lovely dates, lots of kissing and hand holding. Then he said he didnt feel romantic and this year I’ve really been a bit shocked after it all, as I’m very cautious when it comes to dating as I worry about getting hurt but I allowed myself to open up to him and I communicated how I felt etc. only to be dumped Edited December 2 by PeachPalm1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 2 Share Posted December 2 26 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: Dating in the uk is not for the faint hearted. This is true anywhere in the world. Not sure why you think it is a UK or London problem. People right across this forum have similar problems and posters here come from all corners of the globe. Men and women alike. I would try to lean away from the narrative you're building that this is a problem with men in London. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted December 2 Share Posted December 2 15 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: One more thing, it’s normal to date someone for a while, have a good connection, things taking a slow and healthy pace and them to say they don’t feel romantic??? Well, yes, that happens sometimes. Did you think you were the only one who has experienced this? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 2 Share Posted December 2 53 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: One more thing, it’s normal to date someone for a while, have a good connection, things taking a slow and healthy pace and them to say they don’t feel romantic??? Was this guy your only relationship? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 2 Author Share Posted December 2 13 minutes ago, stillafool said: Was this guy your only relationship? No I had a brief relationship in 2021. A man I met who seemed very into me. I wasn’t sure about him at first and felt more of a friend ship vibe, but he really liked me and as I got to know him and developed a connection to him, I started to fancy him a lot. We started dating, but he was new to my country and didn’t have much money so I was planning all the dates and showing him around. Usually free dates because I acknowledged he didn’t have much money. We had wonderful times together, good sex, and I was very supportive to him. Only a few months in, my housemates started telling me he was using me, because he never planned dates. I got a bit sad with them my birthday came round, he did nothing for it. I felt so unappreciated. Tried to talk to him about it. He started calling me manipulative and he became really quite nasty and critical before telling me he dated me as he was lonely and never loved me and that he never wants kids when he knew I did and told me before he dumped his ex because he wanted a baby and she didn’t and it was quite soul destroying. Some of the things he criticised me for. Most of which were untrue and actually things he was doing to me. I put so much love and efffot into the relationship, looking after him when he was sick, driving him to work as he didn’t yet have a car. All out of love. I adored him. and that’s why I find dating so hard now. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted December 3 Share Posted December 3 Well at least that one guy DID take you on romantic dates. Look, it sucks to be rejected, but it has happened to all of us. Even if there were romantic dates, the guy felt that something was missing and he had to end that relationship. It hurt you, but it was not *wrong* per se. He wasn't feeling it. Again, most of us have been there. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 3 Share Posted December 3 8 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: One more thing, it’s normal to date someone for a while, have a good connection, things taking a slow and healthy pace and them to say they don’t feel romantic???That’s what’s triggered to me worry all year. As I finally met someone who wanted kids, similar intellect, liked doing the same things as me, loads of coincidences too. Eg I went on holiday to Portugal last year and he was in the back of one of my pictures on holiday even before we met! Lovely dates, lots of kissing and hand holding. Then he said he didnt feel romantic and this year I’ve really been a bit shocked after it all, as I’m very cautious when it comes to dating as I worry about getting hurt but I allowed myself to open up to him and I communicated how I felt etc. only to be dumped Can you define "slow and healthy pace?" Did you ever have sex with him? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 3 Author Share Posted December 3 9 hours ago, basil67 said: Can you define "slow and healthy pace?" Did you ever have sex with him? Yes but after a month of us Dating. Like weekly dates, a little bit of texting in between. Just felt not love Bomby like my ex. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted December 3 Share Posted December 3 7 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: Yes but after a month of us Dating. Like weekly dates, a little bit of texting in between. Just felt not love Bomby like my ex. What do you envision your ideal relationship progression? How frequently should you date? When should you have sex? 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 3 Share Posted December 3 (edited) 8 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: Yes but after a month of us Dating. Like weekly dates, a little bit of texting in between. Just felt not love Bomby like my ex. Weekly dates (as in one date a week?) and a little bit of texting between sounds exactly like the behaviour of someone who doesn't feel romantic towards you. Of course you want to avoid someone who's proposing marriage and making grand gestures within a month, but you do want someone who's enthusiastic enough to see you regularly. Edited December 3 by basil67 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 4 Author Share Posted December 4 20 hours ago, basil67 said: Weekly dates (as in one date a week?) and a little bit of texting between sounds exactly like the behaviour of someone who doesn't feel romantic towards you. Of course you want to avoid someone who's proposing marriage and making grand gestures within a month, but you do want someone who's enthusiastic enough to see you regularly. We were long distance. And working in the week. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 4 Share Posted December 4 On 12/2/2024 at 11:47 AM, NuevoYorko said: "All your friends" tell you you're just perfect, it's not you, it's the men. If all of your friends have told you the above and from what you've said about yourself, you're damn near perfect. So if guys don't want a relationship with you there's only one thing left. What do you look like? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 4 Share Posted December 4 4 hours ago, PeachPalm1 said: We were long distance. And working in the week. Long distance isn't a great option for dating either. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 4 Author Share Posted December 4 5 minutes ago, basil67 said: Long distance isn't a great option for dating either. Well semi long distance. It was just before I was moving to his town for work, I had matched with him in his town but I hadn’t moved yet. But the time we were dating he lived an hour away so it was long distance when we were dating Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 4 Author Share Posted December 4 4 hours ago, stillafool said: If all of your friends have told you the above and from what you've said about yourself, you're damn near perfect. So if guys don't want a relationship with you there's only one thing left. What do you look like? Looks aren’t my issue Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 4 Share Posted December 4 5 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: But the time we were dating he lived an hour away so it was long distance when we were dating All those days and nights without seeing each other gives a lot of time to lose interest...which it sounds like he did. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 4 Author Share Posted December 4 3 minutes ago, basil67 said: All those days and nights without seeing each other gives a lot of time to lose interest...which it sounds like he did. He was a very avid traveller. So for the 3 months we dating, about a month of that he spent travelling. I told him I wanted to see him more, and that as I work from home I can be more flexible in the week but nothing changed. It felt a bit sad. he was a great guy, successful and mature. It wasn’t about looks for me, I loved his personality and with that I came to desire him sexually. Something that is very rare for me to feel. And it’s just upsetting to me. Now he’s settled down with a woman who has toddlers with her ex partner. I just hope I find someone decent again one day Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 4 Share Posted December 4 4 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: He was a very avid traveller. So for the 3 months we dating, about a month of that he spent travelling. I told him I wanted to see him more, and that as I work from home I can be more flexible in the week but nothing changed. It felt a bit sad. And there's his lack of interest in practice. It's so important that you learn to recognise it and end a relationship sooner. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author PeachPalm1 Posted December 4 Author Share Posted December 4 4 minutes ago, basil67 said: And there's his lack of interest in practice. It's so important that you learn to recognise it and end a relationship sooner. His travels were already booked before me met me though so how was I to know he not interested. He was so loving and affectionate on dates and would always talk about how me and him are compatible Quote Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 4 Share Posted December 4 (edited) 24 minutes ago, PeachPalm1 said: His travels were already booked before me met me though so how was I to know he not interested. He was so loving and affectionate on dates and would always talk about how me and him are compatible OK, that makes sense about the holiday. But still, the low contact between meetups, and him not wanting to get together when you had more time was your indicator. Don't mistake disinterest with being slow and steady in the build up Edited December 4 by basil67 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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