I told him I didn't want to talk to him again. Why won't he just unfriend me?

[FemaleArcher]

Why won’t he unfriend me? A week ago, I told this guy not to ever reach out to me ever again. It was someone I dated over the summer. (I told him to never reach out to me again after he said he wouldn’t reach out until he got his issues resolved in regard to his depression and anxiety). I knew it was bs and that he was just afraid to tell me he didn’t have any money. Or maybe he was afraid to say he didn’t want to see me. (Which is why I went off on him and I told him not to ever reach out to me again) When I told him I was going to cut him off he told me I was overreacting. But that if I wanted to cut him off so be it. But that I was overreacting. Why hasn’t he unfriended me?

[basil67]

If you block him, the problem will be solved

[FemaleArcher]

19 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If you block him, the problem will be solved

Honestly, I still want him.

[basil67]

I suggest you make up your mind about what you want with him.  If you want to be with him, reach out and apologise for over reacting

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, FemaleArcher said:

Honestly, I still want him.

Then why do you want him to unfriend you? That makes no sense.

Tell him you want him. Call him and say sorry for freaking out, say you want to try it again with him. 

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, FemaleArcher said:

Honestly, I still want him.

You can't have it both ways. 

Make up your mind. Either you want him in your life, or you don't. You told him never to contact you again, but clearly you wo'n't unfriend him because you are hoping he reaches out. Right? 

 

[S2B]

Sending mixed signals is just confusing to men.

if you want him - tell him.

if you don’t - then block him.

[basil67]

I'm wondering why you'd expect him to unfriend you anway.   When we unfriend someone, we do it for our own peace of mind.  It's not for the welfare of the other party

[stillafool]

Why would you tell a man not to befriend you and then wonder why he doesn't unfriend you?  More than likely he has a large list and hasn't gotten around to it yet.  If someone told me not to befriend them but they actually wanted me to, I'd think they were unstable and I wouldn't want to be bothered.  Don't play games.

[NuevoYorko]

If you don't want to to hear from him again,  what you do is block him and delete him from all your stuff.  It's really simple.  

He doesn't have to do your bidding.

[FemaleArcher]

On 11/25/2024 at 5:59 PM, basil67 said:

I'm wondering why you'd expect him to unfriend you anway.   When we unfriend someone, we do it for our own peace of mind.  It's not for the welfare of the other party

Because I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. So it doesn't make sense that he hasn't unfriended me even though I told him I was done. 

[FemaleArcher]

On 11/25/2024 at 7:11 PM, stillafool said:

Why would you tell a man not to befriend you and then wonder why he doesn't unfriend you?  More than likely he has a large list and hasn't gotten around to it yet.  If someone told me not to befriend them but they actually wanted me to, I'd think they were unstable and I wouldn't want to be bothered.  Don't play games.

This doesn't really make sense why would I tell a man not to befriend me and then wonder why he hasn't unfriended me? Um I told him I was done with him and I don't know why he hasn't deleted me. Whenever I've told a guy I was done he always unfriends me on social media it's a natural response. 

Edited November 28 by FemaleArcher

[FemaleArcher]

On 11/25/2024 at 11:31 PM, NuevoYorko said:

If you don't want to to hear from him again,  what you do is block him and delete him from all your stuff.  It's really simple.  

He doesn't have to do your bidding.

I honestly didn't mean what I said though I just pissed off at the time. I still want us to be friends.

[NuevoYorko]

19 minutes ago, FemaleArcher said:

Because I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. So it doesn't make sense that he hasn't unfriended me even though I told him I was done. 

Wrong.  It doesn't make sense that you expect him to take an action on his own social media / contacts list or whatever TF platform because you think he ought to.  YOU are the one who said you are done.  YOU are the one who needs to delete him.

Who knows.  Maybe you're such an afterthought to him that he simply will never reach out to you again.  Perhaps when he does a "friend purge" one day he'll get around to deleting you.

[FemaleArcher]

On 11/25/2024 at 2:17 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

You can't have it both ways. 

Make up your mind. Either you want him in your life, or you don't. You told him never to contact you again, but clearly you wo'n't unfriend him because you are hoping he reaches out. Right? 

 

Yes, you're right I know I shouldn't have said that but I was just frustrated at the moment.  That still doesn't excuse how I acted though.

[basil67]

3 hours ago, FemaleArcher said:

Because I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore. So it doesn't make sense that he hasn't unfriended me even though I told him I was done. 

He said you were overreacting, and given you want him back in your life, it appears he was right.  Perhaps he left you as a friend in order to give you a way back if you did want to make amends

If you do want him in your life, then not being blocked gives you a way to contact him and apologise for your behaviour.   But only do so if you're actually going to work on overreacting in general, because one day you'll lose someone really special.   

He may come back into your life

Edited November 28 by basil67

[FemaleArcher]

On 11/28/2024 at 3:57 PM, basil67 said:

He said you were overreacting, and given you want him back in your life, it appears he was right.  Perhaps he left you as a friend in order to give you a way back if you did want to make amends

If you do want him in your life, then not being blocked gives you a way to contact him and apologise for your behaviour.   But only do so if you're actually going to work on overreacting in general, because one day you'll lose someone really special.   

He may come back into your life

Yes, I know you're right but I don't know what to do to stop overreacting. Whenever I get upset I go off (not thinking about what I'm saying in the moment). But then afterwards I always regret what I've said. He did say Happy Thanksgiving to me when I messaged him. But I need to figure out how to not explode like that when I'm upset.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, FemaleArcher said:

But I need to figure out how to not explode like that when I'm upset.

Let me ask you this: do you also do so when it would be unacceptable? For example, in public or at work? 

[FemaleArcher]

44 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Let me ask you this: do you also do so when it would be unacceptable? For example, in public or at work? 

I did once when I was fed up with a coworker for not bagging the groceries like he was supposed to do. But it takes a lot to get me upset it's like if a person keeps doing the same thing again and again it's a buildup.

[basil67]

3 hours ago, FemaleArcher said:

Yes, I know you're right but I don't know what to do to stop overreacting. Whenever I get upset I go off (not thinking about what I'm saying in the moment). But then afterwards I always regret what I've said. He did say Happy Thanksgiving to me when I messaged him. But I need to figure out how to not explode like that when I'm upset.

Look up Anger Management Therapy.   

[stillafool]

On 11/28/2024 at 12:03 PM, FemaleArcher said:

Quote

This doesn't really make sense why would I tell a man not to befriend me and then wonder why he hasn't unfriended me?

Read you titile again.  When you tell someone you don't want to talk to them again and then ask why they don't unfriend you, you're right, it doesn't make sense.  If you don't want to talk to someone anymore it is on you to block and unfriend them.  Not the other way around. 

Quote

Um I told him I was done with him and I don't know why he hasn't deleted me. Whenever I've told a guy I was done he always unfriends me on social media it's a natural respons

Why haven't you unfriended him by now?  He's probably not thinking about you and hasn't notice or gotten around to it.

 

[FemaleArcher]

Yesterday he told me that he didn't appreciate the way I lashed out at him. Even though he knew it seemed shady because he had unexpected plans. I hope we can get passed this because I really do like him. 

[NuevoYorko]

I don't think a person should be dating anyone who lashes out in anger at them because of something like unexpected plans coming up.  That is not healthy.   Sorry - but you  seem like a pretty bad relationship risk.  Do look into anger management therapy before you try engaging in any kind of serious relationship again.  A healthy person is not going to put up with that.

[FemaleArcher]

39 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

I don't think a person should be dating anyone who lashes out in anger at them because of something like unexpected plans coming up.  That is not healthy.   Sorry - but you  seem like a pretty bad relationship risk.  Do look into anger management therapy before you try engaging in any kind of serious relationship again.  A healthy person is not going to put up with that.

He even said that he knew it seemed shady because it was so last minute I really like him a lot and I want to be with him.

[basil67]

35 minutes ago, FemaleArcher said:

He even said that he knew it seemed shady because it was so last minute I really like him a lot and I want to be with him.

There is absolutely nothing in his behaviour which would justify your reaction.   If the person you're dating has good self esteem, they will never come back after this.

Have you found any anger management therapy places yet?