Jump to content

The 'Always Say Yes' Philosophy


lemonicetea

Recommended Posts

lemonicetea

My landlord was telling me about how her stepdaughter is on dating apps and her philosophy is “always say yes”. In her mind unless somebody is making you feel unsafe or sending red flags, you always engage in conversation and always say yes if they ask you out. You do not need to continue dating them if the first date doesn’t go well.  She admits that she had gone out with a ton of guys that she was not that interested in but was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. 

Is this a good philosophy to have? I’ve had people like my profile on a dating app before that I just wasn’t feeling it. Like they didn’t do anything wrong but nothing about their profile really jumps out to me, or because of “petty” stuff like they seem too old or bad spelling/grammar. Should I try to give them a chance? 

Link to post
Share on other sites
21 minutes ago, lemonicetea said:

My landlord was telling me about how her stepdaughter is on dating apps and her philosophy is “always say yes”. In her mind unless somebody is making you feel unsafe or sending red flags, you always engage in conversation and always say yes if they ask you out. You do not need to continue dating them if the first date doesn’t go well.  She admits that she had gone out with a ton of guys that she was not that interested in but was willing to give them the benefit of the doubt. 

Is this a good philosophy to have? I’ve had people like my profile on a dating app before that I just wasn’t feeling it. Like they didn’t do anything wrong but nothing about their profile really jumps out to me, or because of “petty” stuff like they seem too old or bad spelling/grammar. Should I try to give them a chance? 

For some maybe. However you really can eliminate most of the people who you would be completely incompatible with simply by having a phone chat with them.

Some though don't feel comfortable talking on the phone prior to meeting and for them just agreeing to a meet is the best way. For me though I would find the always say yes philosophy as being a complete waste of time as there are much quicker ways to find out how interested you are in them.

Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, lemonicetea said:

Is this a good philosophy to have?

Only if you're happy to go out with a ton of guys who you have nothing in common with and/or no attraction.   

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly

This would absolutely not work for me, no. 

I wouldn't have any interest in meeting up with tons of men just for funsies. My time is more valuable than that. I would instead use my better judgement to filter out matches that didn't ping me as having potential.

There is a difference between being too picky and having zero standards at all. I don't think either extreme is good, personally. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Always say *yes* will have her end up in a ditch somewhere...like c'mon! Those men are strangers and some of them really good at making women feel special just to better play them.

It's better to use commun sense.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
lemonicetea
24 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Always say *yes* will have her end up in a ditch somewhere...like c'mon! Those men are strangers and some of them really good at making women feel special just to better play them.

It's better to use commun sense.

I’m pretty sure she doesn’t date anyone who is making her feel unsafe. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
NuevoYorko
16 hours ago, basil67 said:

Only if you're happy to go out with a ton of guys who you have nothing in common with and/or no attraction.   

Yes.  Also assuming that you have no friends, no interests in life, no books to read, movies to watch,  hobbies, need for solitude ... nothing at all going on except for "always saying yes" to any guy who will give you the slightest hint of attention.  ANY guy.

Link to post
Share on other sites
stillafool

That seems like something someone who is desperate would do.  I can't imagine it would be much fun wasting your time on someone you aren't attracted to, have nothing in common with and are not excited about seeing.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
NuevoYorko
28 minutes ago, stillafool said:

That seems like something someone who is desperate would do.  I can't imagine it would be much fun wasting your time on someone you aren't attracted to, have nothing in common with and are not excited about seeing.

Yes.  Watching the worst of the worst reality TV - alone - would probably be preferable.  

Edited by NuevoYorko
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, lemonicetea said:

I’m pretty sure she doesn’t date anyone who is making her feel unsafe. 

One day l had a coffee date at 11h am. He gave me his full name and place of work, he was a city worker. We had tonscof laughs during our meeting. When we left the coffee shop it was raining real hard so he offered to drop me at the metro station, 2 blocks away. Guess what? *I felt safe!! * He never dropped me at the metro station. He kept me against my will in his car and drove 40 miles across the city - telling me he was going to love me like no one else did - l had the scare of my life!!

She says yes to *strangers* that make her feel safe...l tested it for her, it's a bad idea.

Link to post
Share on other sites
ShyViolet

I'm sorry but this is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard.  Why would you waste your time and the other person's time by going out with people that you are definitely not interested in and have no attraction to?  Having zero standards and going out with almost "anyone" is not a good thing.

There's a time and place for being open to interacting with almost *anyone* and getting to know a wide range of people; save that for social events and group meet ups.  But when actually dating you're supposed to have some level of standards in who you go out with.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon

Depends on how isolated I was. 

I will say this: I think people on dating applies are way too critical. The goal is to go out and meet as many people as possible. I actually think if you like the profile (even if you aren't excited about their appearance) let yourself go out and meet the person. Now, I'm thinking 30 minutes for coffee or tea or something. From there you screen to a longer date.

Times when I've been withdrawn, yes meeting all kinds of people invigorated me. Didn't matter if the encounter led to a longer relationship.  Right now, I'm surrounded by lots of friends and activities. I can't say "yes" to everything. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

One day me and Hubby were looking for his coworker's dating profile, and during our search we looked at others.... eeee ya no there is nothing to say yes to IMO. Why waste everyone's time do that? 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...