What does it mean when my ex-girlfriend says 'Take care of yourself Nick. If you ever loved me, that's what you'll do'

[HopelessNick]

I've been depressed my whole life but hid it from her until after our breakup. She knew I was a loner because of my shyness when we were together and tried to bring the best out of me, but didn't know I was depressed.

I did a couple of horrible things to her after the breakup and I told her about my depression and that it made me go crazy for a while which was why I did what I did, but she wanted nothing to do with me and said she would never forgive me.

After a year of no contact (she has a new boyfriend now), she found out through social media I was in a psych ward after a suicide attempt.

She asked me what happened and I told her. She said “For what it's worth, a lot of people wouldn't forgive you for what you did, but I do”.

I told her I haven't stopped loving her since day one even through everything and she said "Take care of yourself Nick. If you ever loved me, that's what you’ll do".

We haven't spoken since.

[ExpatInItaly]

Oh, Nick. Dear me. I remember your past threads. 

Please, please focus on your yourself and your healing now. This young lady is in your past, and wants you to let go of her. She cares about you, and wants you to be well again. But she has moved on from your relationship. You need to do the same. 

[HopelessNick]

19 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Please, please focus on your yourself and your healing now. This young lady is in your past, and wants you to let go of her. She cares about you, and wants you to be well again. But she has moved on from your relationship. You need to do the same. 

I told her I still loved and missed her and she said "Thanks for saying that and I do still think about you sometimes. If you didn't do what you did to me, I would say I still miss you too, but I can't miss someone who would threaten to hurt three people and fat shame someone they claimed to love. I can't ever believe you loved me after those disgusting messages Nick. I know I should block you like I have before, but I'm not going to because while I don't trust you with anything anymore, it is nice knowing you're still around. You're a good guy and I still want you to become the person I always saw in you."

Does that mean that she wants nothing to do with me forever and that it's her way of saying goodbye forever?

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, HopelessNick said:

Does that mean that she wants nothing to do with me forever and that it's her way of saying goodbye forever?

More or less, yes. 

You need to let go. 

[Gebidozo]

6 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

Does that mean that she wants nothing to do with me forever and that it's her way of saying goodbye forever?

Yes.

But she already made that very clear before. That was a few months ago, if I’m not mistaken. Have you taken any steps to start therapy so that you could get rid of your obsession with that woman?

[HopelessNick]

40 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

But she already made that very clear before. That was a few months ago, if I’m not mistaken. Have you taken any steps to start therapy so that you could get rid of your obsession with that woman?

I'm in a psych ward at the moment because of a suicide attempt and she found out through social media posts. We hadn't spoken for 3 months until that happened.

I'm not obsessed with her anymore. I've come to realise she was more a mother/sister to me than a girlfriend because she looked after me and I love her for it. She was also the only person in the world to put any effort into me and the only person I can speak to besides my parents and colleagues because of my social anxiety. I don't know why, but I have no interest or motivation in speaking to anyone else but her too.

7 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

I told her I still loved and missed her and she said "Thanks for saying that and I do still think about you sometimes. If you didn't do what you did to me, I would say I still miss you too, but I can't miss someone who would threaten to hurt three people and fat shame someone they claimed to love. I can't ever believe you loved me after those disgusting messages Nick. I know I should block you like I have before, but I'm not going to because while I don't trust you with anything anymore, it is nice knowing you're still around. You're a good guy and I still want you to become the person I always saw in you."

Does that mean that she wants nothing to do with me forever and that it's her way of saying goodbye forever?

I asked her if she wanted it to be goodbye forever and she said "This isn't an invitation for you to message me all the time because I don't know if I will ever fully forgive you and I want to work on my new relationship without having to worry about you, but please message me before you try to hurt yourself again? I did still love you and I still want you in this world Nick."

I then said the last thing I wanted for her was to worry about me and that I never wanted her to be involved or find out in the first place. (That is all true)

She got angry and accused me of lying, saying if I didn't want her to find out, I wouldn't put it on social media. (I don't blame her).

After accusing me, she said "Anyway, I am telling you that you still have someone who cares about you and is giving you one last chance to let me help you. Stop apologising, stop feeling sorry for yourself, get some help and if you need to talk to someone, for some reason I am still here.

 

[SurfCity]

7 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

We hadn't spoken for 3 months until that happened.

 

On 11/25/2024 at 12:12 AM, HopelessNick said:

After a year of no contact

How do these timelines fit together? Which is the truth? 

[HopelessNick]

5 hours ago, SurfCity said:

 

How do these timelines fit together? Which is the truth? 

Sorry, a year. 9 months of complete no contact, then I told her I got a new job and hence my work phone wouldn't work in case she called it and she just asked me where i was going. Then 3 months of no more contact 

[ExpatInItaly]

19 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

I don't know why, but I have no interest or motivation in speaking to anyone else but her too.

That may be, but you have got to start making some changes there. She cannot be your support system anymore, nor the only person you speak to. 

19 hours ago, HopelessNick said:

She got angry and accused me of lying, saying if I didn't want her to find out, I wouldn't put it on social media. (I don't blame her).

Well, why did you post about this on social media if not to get her attention? 

[HopelessNick]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

That may be, but you have got to start making some changes there. She cannot be your support system anymore, nor the only person you speak to. 

Well, why did you post about this on social media if not to get her attention? 

I just did a cover song as a way of journaling and it made me feel better, but my head was in a bandage. 

[ExpatInItaly]

7 minutes ago, HopelessNick said:

I just did a cover song as a way of journaling and it made me feel better, but my head was in a bandage. 

I see. 

Well, I do hope you are feeling better and on the path to recovery. Please don't keep circling back to this woman. She was your past, but not your future.