Author Lamron300 Posted November 27 Author Share Posted November 27 6 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: What does this have to do with emotional balance? She liked you, had sex with you, then realized she wasn’t feeling enough to have a long term relationship, and broke up with you. Why are you so bitter about this? People do it all the time. There is nothing abnormal or immature or unbalanced about that. Because my first post on this forum was when I was 25. It was about a girl I was really into, 3 dates and 3 kisses and then she called things off. She went slowly very silent and even at the last second was kind of leaving me in limbo. I am now 31 and the same thing is happening but to a bigger extent. I understand dating doesn’t work out always or there would be no singles or no forums etc. My problem is it is never straightforward. Do I feel positive that at least I’m meeting women and dating? Some people aren’t even going on dates. Do I feel good that I’m having regular sex? No. I just want to meet someone I can be myself with. I feel like everything is a ticking time bomb. I feel you may as well date 5 women to ensure you have 1. To answer your question, I’m bitter as I feel like I’ve been messed around a lot this year by these women. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lamron300 Posted November 27 Author Share Posted November 27 41 minutes ago, introverted1 said: I think you are being too rigid about what bf/gf means. Sure, it can mean that you are a long-term, established couple. But it can also mean that this is the person with whom you are exclusively dating on a regular basis, ie., there isn't any question that you will see each other 2-3 times a week (barring travel or other conflicts). Of course, at any time, either one of you could call it off, although the presumably mutual hope is that, with increased learning about each other, this would become less likely rather than more so. I thought that’s what was established. I have learnt people don’t change their minds suddenly, they are thinking it. People don’t always say the truth either. Prior to the women who just dumped me, I was dating a woman and things were on fire too. Generally fun activities like axe throwing etc. on third date in a week (after sex twice) she told me we don’t have the connection she hoped. That doesn’t even make sense. I just blocked and moved on and then this happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 15 minutes ago, Lamron300 said: I feel you may as well date 5 women to ensure you have 1. This is the wrong mind set. It means you would like a woman, anyone will do, just one that will stick around...so you go on dates with just anyone. Like 22 year old women. First time I ended up online dating it took 3 years to meet someone and I went on 200 first meetings. My problem was I was all over the place. I had a lot of attention so if guy was hot, that's all I needed. I wasted a lot of time before I met my ex. Then that relationship ended after 5 years. I took some time off and went back online. This time around I filtered these men not by their looks (of course they had to be attractive to me but no more hotties and bodybuilders) but by their history, character, accomplishment, their goals, how articulate they were and I met my boyfriend after 1 year online and about 75 meetings. I went on much less first dates but they were better dates, better men over all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lamron300 Posted November 27 Author Share Posted November 27 35 minutes ago, Gaeta said: This is the wrong mind set. It means you would like a woman, anyone will do, just one that will stick around...so you go on dates with just anyone. Like 22 year old women. First time I ended up online dating it took 3 years to meet someone and I went on 200 first meetings. My problem was I was all over the place. I had a lot of attention so if guy was hot, that's all I needed. I wasted a lot of time before I met my ex. Then that relationship ended after 5 years. I took some time off and went back online. This time around I filtered these men not by their looks (of course they had to be attractive to me but no more hotties and bodybuilders) but by their history, character, accomplishment, their goals, how articulate they were and I met my boyfriend after 1 year online and about 75 meetings. I went on much less first dates but they were better dates, better men over all. I don’t think I could survive 200 meetings😭😭. I only match with people based on the quality of their profile. I don’t care if they are a super model if their profile is brief with nothing to start a conversation I won’t match. I’ve been more open minded as well, in terms of dating a bit older and a bit younger, haven’t seen any real difference. I’m quite down at the moment, to be honest with you. I’m swiping furiously on the apps at the moment to try get some matches. I just have to accept that all I may find on this app is women to have sex with as that all that seems to happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 Dude, you are so lost. The real happenings of a relationship are in feeling and connection and body language and facial expressions. You are under the impression that all is well until someone says otherwise. Not true. I would bet that if your dates were filmed by a video team, we the audience could see your ambivalence and see the other person's growing discomfort with you. We could see it. Volume all the way down. One goal is for you to learn to see and feel what's really going on with another person. The problem is you really think you can hold back and as long as the other person doesn't specifically object, everything is fine. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. And if you keep the same attitude, you will be "wrong" again. What's so scary about thinking about what people are saying here? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 34 minutes ago, Lamron300 said: s😭😭I just have to accept that all I may find on this app is women to have sex with as that all that seems to happen. And that's likely all you want to have happen. Dude there is nothing wrong with using apps for those reasons. It just makes you look silly though when you are using it for those reasons and then turning things around and blaming the ladies for things not going anywhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 1 hour ago, Lamron300 said: I’m quite down at the moment, to be honest with you. I’m swiping furiously on the apps at the moment to try get some matches. Take a few days off the app and take time to make peace with what happened. You do not put the right energy into it at this time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lamron300 Posted November 27 Author Share Posted November 27 1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said: I would bet that if your dates were filmed by a video team, we the audience could see your ambivalence and see the other person's growing discomfort with you. We could see it. Volume all the way down. One goal is for you to learn to see and feel what's really going on with another person. The problem is you really think you can hold back and as long as the other person doesn't specifically object, everything is fine. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. What's so scary about thinking about what people are saying here? Well of course she had her reasons, I just feel her reasons are to do with her ‘turmoil’. There is no evidence that if I did everything different with her the outcome will be different. Some people can’t deal with their emotions. I’m still young, but I think I neglected the difference between early 30s and early 20s. What kind of woman has sex twice with someone on Wednesday and then on Friday ‘sorry I can’t do this I’m going through too much right now’ Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lamron300 Posted November 27 Author Share Posted November 27 48 minutes ago, Sony12 said: And that's likely all you want to have happen. Dude there is nothing wrong with using apps for those reasons. It just makes you look silly though when you are using it for those reasons and then turning things around and blaming the ladies for things not going anywhere. I wasn’t using apps for sex, but now I’m thinking what is the point? If we had just said from the beginning, let’s not get feelings involved and just have no strings attached, I wouldn't be in the position I am in now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lamron300 Posted November 27 Author Share Posted November 27 24 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Take a few days off the app and take time to make peace with what happened. You do not put the right energy into it at this time. You’re right, but I want to rebound quickly. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Lamron300 said: You’re right, but I want to rebound quickly. Were you the one criticizing the quality of women on dating apps, does what you're about to do will make a quality man out of you? You will consciously go out there and *use* a person to feel better about yourself. The next woman you come across could be a perfect match for you but you will not see it because of your current frustration. Then we're gonna go around and around in a circle as to why you cannot meet compatible women. Edited November 27 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lamron300 Posted November 27 Author Share Posted November 27 29 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Were you the one criticizing the quality of women on dating apps, does what you're about to do will make a quality man out of you? You will consciously go out there and *use* a person to feel better about yourself. The next woman you come across could be a perfect match for you but you will not see it because of your current frustration. Then we're gonna go around and around in a circle as to why you cannot meet compatible women. Only way to move on is but moving forward quickly. I’m not going to set any expectations going forward, just going to go with the flow. The problem is with online people is the less I know about them, the better. It’s like impossible to find people without baggage Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 18 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Also, you appear to be in this permanent indignation mode, as though all women were obliged to like you and it’s somehow abnormal if they don’t I'm getting this bigtime. OP - I think that your real issue is that you are extremely controlling and it is concerning. I imagine that women pick up on this. It's something that triggers a warning response in people who are aware of it. I don't think you have bad intentions - but all of your moves are so calculated and rigid, with the end goal in mind of getting the desired result from whatever woman you're interacting with at the time. There is an edge of anger involved as well. This is not right. Nobody is getting what they want and how they want it in romantic relationships by keeping a stronghold of control on the situation. This includes the person themselves - I mean YOU. What happens is that people be themselves and let the other person see that, for better or worse. At the same time, they are taking a small leap of faith by putting themselves in a vulnerable position, and also, being really open to seeing who the other person is. I mean in their totality - NOT just in relationship to their response to, in this case, you. You never do this and your rigidity is pretty profound. And ... it doesn't work. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 (edited) 34 minutes ago, Lamron300 said: It’s like impossible to find people without baggage What about your own baggage? Ever think about dealing with that? Edited November 27 by NuevoYorko 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 56 minutes ago, Lamron300 said: It’s like impossible to find people without baggage Baggage? What do you mean? like life experience, wisdom, knowing exactly what she wants, not settling for less than what she wants, not taking BS, moving quickly from a situation not fitting her needs? There was nothing wrong with this young woman. She enjoyed herself for a while then realized you were not what she was looking for and she told you. It happened to ALL of us at some point. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lamron300 Posted November 27 Author Share Posted November 27 8 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Baggage? What do you mean? like life experience, wisdom, knowing exactly what she wants, not settling for less than what she wants, not taking BS, moving quickly from a situation not fitting her needs? There was nothing wrong with this young woman. She enjoyed herself for a while then realized you were not what she was looking for and she told you. It happened to ALL of us at some point. No. Contact with Ex partners, mental disorders, kids, ex husbands…all things I’m not willing to put up with. There was a lot long with this young woman, ironically the fact she was young is a big problem, won’t do that again. What she told me is going on is rather trivial, but I guess that’s her perigee I mean you said it yourself it took you 200 meetings to meet someone suitable, so maybe I’m being too optimistic. I’m going to just try multi dating again and download different type of apps to increase my odds. I guess if I end up having sex with multiple people, that’s just the collateral in this silly dating world. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 44 minutes ago, Lamron300 said: I guess if I end up having sex with multiple people, that’s just the collateral in this silly dating world. You sound like you think you're teaching somebody a lesson. As you know, you have missed out on every promising woman you've met (if any of them actually were promising to you) because you would not set your pride and control issues aside and focus on them and how the two of you were meshing. Instead, when you are dating a woman who supposedly interests you (I have my doubts) you prefer to keep having sex with other women and making sure that the one you "like" doesn't get any ideas about having a real relationship with you. And ... said "promising" woman catches that vibe and moves on pronto. And, next, you blame her and then shut yourself down even more. Soon you may be best served by hiring professionals who will follow a script provided by you whenever you have encounters. None of this messy "real people" garbage or baggage you need to find out about. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 1 hour ago, Lamron300 said: No. Contact with Ex partners, mental disorders, kids, ex husbands…all things I’m not willing to put up with. Oh goodness, you just don't want to date someone that had a life before you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 Lol this thread has really become quite humorous. I highly suspect the OP is just b's'ing at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 12 hours ago, Lamron300 said: What kind of person has constant sex with someone, lovebombs them and then unceremoniously dumps them. I’m not going to lie to you, I am gutted. I’ve dated a lot of women this year and nothing has really worked out, some due to me, some due to them. It’s just so tiring. At no stage does something seem secure. Until 2024 I didn’t even know people had constant sex and then change in a second. Sure, people can change in a second if they get they recognise an attribute which isn't acceptable to them and no amount of constant sex will change that. But it's equally likely that she's been mulling it over for a while but this was the first you heard of it. And again, people don't bother working through issues if they are only 'dating'. Why would they?? You want a partner who's got their head screwed on, but you really need to tighten your own head a bit more first. Understanding your actions/choices and their consequences would be a good start. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lamron300 Posted November 27 Author Share Posted November 27 52 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: You sound like you think you're teaching somebody a lesson. As you know, you have missed out on every promising woman you've met (if any of them actually were promising to you) because you would not set your pride and control issues aside and focus on them and how the two of you were meshing. Instead, when you are dating a woman who supposedly interests you (I have my doubts) you prefer to keep having sex with other women and making sure that the one you "like" doesn't get any ideas about having a real relationship with you. And ... said "promising" woman catches that vibe and moves on pronto. And, next, you blame her and then shut yourself down even more. Soon you may be best served by hiring professionals who will follow a script provided by you whenever you have encounters. None of this messy "real people" garbage or baggage you need to find out about. None of them have been promising this year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Lamron300 Posted November 27 Author Share Posted November 27 30 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Oh goodness, you just don't want to date someone that had a life before you. Just want to date a woman who is straightforward, say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t have constant sex and then change in 24 hours. It’s like sex doesn’t mean anything to people these days. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 27 Share Posted November 27 18 minutes ago, Lamron300 said: Just want to date a woman who is straightforward, say what you mean and mean what you say. Don’t have constant sex and then change in 24 hours. It’s like sex doesn’t mean anything to people these days. What the heck? People have been having sex without meaning since the sexual revolution. You know what does have meaning? Words. Words such as girlfriend/boyfriend. The two of you were just dating, so she owed you nothing 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted November 28 Share Posted November 28 9 hours ago, Lamron300 said: I feel you may as well date 5 women to ensure you have 1. That kind of cold, materialistic thinking is exactly what has been causing all your problems. You view relationships and women as things you can get, rather than opportunities to have feelings, develop connections, and gather life experience. I already told you this several times, but you choose to ignore it and keep blaming women for your problems. 9 hours ago, Lamron300 said: To answer your question, I’m bitter as I feel like I’ve been messed around a lot this year by these women. Then you have nothing to be bitter about, because those women haven’t messed around with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted November 28 Share Posted November 28 9 hours ago, Lamron300 said: Generally fun activities like axe throwing etc. on third date in a week (after sex twice) she told me we don’t have the connection she hoped. That doesn’t even make sense. Why on God’s green Earth doesn’t that make sense? Do you think that you’re entitled to eternal love and faithfulness if a woman agrees to throw some axes with you and sleeps with you twice? Why is it so hard for you to accept the basic fact that no woman owes you anything at all? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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