Marital Disharmony

[Lovinglips]

Hello everyone,
I’m new here, and it’s great to join this community.

I really need advice regarding my spouse, as we’ve been having constant and unresolved conflicts. I’ve tried my best to address these issues by talking to her, but nothing seems to work. I’ve suggested everything from counseling to involving family members, but she refuses.

She gets angry with me over the smallest things, and it feels like no matter what I do, it’s never right. What hurts the most is that she has started accusing me of things I would never do—things she knows deep down are not true. Whenever we have even the slightest disagreement over the phone, she hangs up on me. Most of the time, she won’t answer my calls or call me back. Even when I bring up this behavior, she flares up and denies any missed calls, despite the missed calls being clearly logged on her phone.

I’ve reached out to her mom and uncle—who are the only family members that have access to her —but nothing has improved. This has been going on for years, and instead of getting better, it’s only becoming worse. I feel completely drained and unsure of what to do.

Any advice or guidance would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

[Acacia98]

Respectfully, if everything has been happening exactly as you describe it here, I think divorce should be an option.

[Lovinglips]

 

9 hours ago, Acacia98 said:

Respectfully, if everything has been happening exactly as you describe it here, I think divorce should be an option.

Thank you for your contributions @Acacia98, I respect honest reviews without any sugar coating. I like your plane suggestion; I am drained, tired, and frustrated. 

Thank you so much

[ExpatInItaly]

Can I ask why you still want to be married to someone like this? 

[MsJayne]

Obviously she's got some grievance going on that she doesn't want to share with you, or she may have an un-diagnosed mental health condition. You've offered to go for counselling and she refused, so now you have to decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life putting up with being criticised and stone-walled. Maybe go for counselling on your own, it will help to unload it all and examine why you're still in the marriage. Whether it's children, money, cultural demands, or misguided loyalty, none of those are worth sacrificing your sanity for. 

[Lovinglips]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Can I ask why you still want to be married to someone like this? 

I sincerely do not know; I am so confused. 

Last week, I tried to have a talk with her and try to let her see how the marital disharmony is impacting negatively on everyone of us, including the kids. When I finished speaking, she simply did not utter a word. I waited and waited, and I tried to encourage her to say something. She later said if I had finished what I was saying, that she had other things to do and that she had a headache. And that was all

[ExpatInItaly]

You are wasting your time talking to her. She is showing you very clearly she does not care at all. 

It's up to you how much longer you want to drag out this dysfunction. 

[batfink]

I think she either doesn’t care or she feels unable to get help as something is holding her back. If she doesn’t want to work on herself or speak about what the problem is, unfortunately things will just carry on like this for the rest of the marriage. Give her one last try, ask if she wants to talk to a counsellor or see her doctor just to try and get to the bottom of this, remind her why you fell in love with her and you can see she’s changed and you’re worried. If she still won’t open up, it might be that you’d be better off without her, sadly 

[Lovinglips]

Thanks, I  have been done this over for these past years. These days , when I try she says.  'YOU WANT TO START YOUR NATIONAL ANTHEM'

[Acacia98]

What are you going to do, @Lovinglips? Have you thought about it?

[Lovinglips]

I sincerely do not know. That is  why I am here