I am Utterly and Upset

[kilakopela]

I am a Senior in High School. I was dating a girl for almost 11 months. She was my first girlfriend, my first kiss, my first relationship, and alot of other firsts. A few months ago, something kept bothering her, and eventually she let me listen to her; she had a crush on another guy. I wouldn't have had a big of a problem with this if it wasn't for the fact that she would leave me in the middle of our conversations to talk to him because he would look lonely, or she would leave me to go have fun with him. I have seen her touch his arm, do the head on the shoulders, look at his lips, turn beat red, etc. and that upset me alot; she has stopped doing those things with me. That is the preliminary of my heart break and problem.

A week to two ago, there was a big school trip, he, her, and I went with alot of other students. She told me she wanted to spend some time with her friends there instead of me; it was almost always alone time with him. I was ticked, angered, etc.

One of the things we did on the trip was go horseback riding..she asked him to ride next to her instead of me. We argued alot that trip, and I personally felt justified, the fact that my girlfriend would only yell at me (She has been doing alot of little things she knows make me mad for the past month or so) and didn't want to spend time with me. Her friends, new ones and old ones, kept telling her that I wasn't healthy for her, that she and, lets name him asno, should go out, etc. She hasn't even tried to give me a chance to make her happy, or entertained, or laugh, all she seems is to want to cause an argument, and for him to make her laugh and comfort her.

 

A few days ago, she breaks up with me between 1140 pm and 1240 am. At noon that same day, she is on a date with asno. They both claim it isn't one. They both like eachother. and I think they are both on a date right now, her father was very hesistant to say anything when I called, but eventually said she is out.

This is the confusing part, they both claim to not be dating. She wants her friends to think they are a couple, she wants him to think she is single, and she tells me in private that she still really loves me, and needs time to sort through things on her own.

 

She also tries to kiss me alot when we are in private, and other things, she wants us to get back together, but keep it very quiet, yet whenever we are at school, she still runs to asno instead of me, and argues and yells at me infront of her friends who don't like me. and seems to be the person I fell for in private.

 

I just don't know what to do. She has a very special place in my heart for many reasons, but that is just a horrible way to end my first relationship. Should I wait? Should I go out and try to have fun with other girls/people? should I go on dates, or will that ruin any chance of us?

My parents really like her, especially how she took me out of a bad bad mental place, and I don't want to disappoint them by telling them that she broke up with me; they still ask if she is coming over to dinner and such. I just don't know what to do. If anyone wanted to inquire more, there is so much more I could tell, I am lost and hurt, and this post could go on forever, especially to a bunch of strangers.

I just don't know what to feel, think, say, do, believe, etc.

I am Utterly confused.

[slubberdegullion]

Slub's Rule #7 of Relationships: The first one is always the worst, except sometimes.

 

OK, so maybe it's not much of a rule, but I think you get the drift.

 

Welcome to the world of "what the hell is she thinking?"

 

This is your initiation into the world of The Rituals of Dating, Courtship and Other Natural Disasters.

 

To cut to the quick, she's not unlike many other girlz that age that want their cake and eat it too. She's getting attention from this other dude, denying that it's anything beyond "friends" but she's also got you on a string.

 

What to feel? Probably betrayed. That's how I'd feel.

 

What to think? That it's good you found out about her attitude now, instead of another year or more down the road.

 

What to say? That's the easiest one: "I thought we had something special, but your actions are telling me that you are attracted to other men. I'm not comfortable with that. So I'm putting you on the spot: Him or me. You have ten seconds to decide."

 

What to do? That depends on how she handles the above question, but more than likely she'll try to turn it around so that she's somehow the victim. Have none of it. She's messing around on you, and you can either be trifled with in this way, or you can stand up like a man and demand better.

 

What to believe? Believe that she's not the only one for you. Believe that what you and she had was good while it lasted, but it wasn't forever. Believe that you are lucky that she's shown her true colours and you've seen it clearly. Believe that your parents have been down exactly the same road that you have been down, one way or another, and that they'll love and support you no matter what happens with this girl.

 

Good luck.

[stirrednotshaken]

Hello,

I can empathise but from what I have read there are some pluses. It would be a rare thing to meet your sweetheart with your first foray into relationships. Fortunately you have met someone who has made you feel wanted and loved and the fact that you felt those things is a memory to hold onto. The difficult bit is letting go. I have recently split up with someone who has been a great force for the good in my life and I believe I have become a better person for having known her. Makes it all the more difficult to let her go. But that doesn't negate the great time we had together (barring one or two exceptions!) and the good things that came out of that relationship.

You mentioned that she has helped you through some difficulties. I hate to sound like an ass and forgive me if I do but some relationships aren't meant to be forever. She is obviously torn between you and the other (lonely?) guy. I wonder if this is what attracts her to him, maybe she wants to help him too.

The point is you can't force someone to be with you. You can tell them how you feel but then it's up to them. I would suggest being calm and level headed and tell her how you feel and if she chooses him, accept it with good grace, cherish your memories and move on.

[David18]

Slub is like Dr.Phil lol.

[JayKay]

Slub hit the nail on the head, OP

 

 

Do what he says. He's 10000% correct!!!

[FataMorgana]

Slub is like Dr.Phil lol.

 

indeed so just a nicer version.

[Giselle]

Here is a hug in advance, before I say what I am going to say <hug>!

 

But, I honestly don't think this girl likes you anymore.

Being a girl myself, from her actions with you in private I believe that she just wants the security of being in a relationship.

 

Cherish the memories that you had and walk away. You deserve so much better.

 

Oh, and parents will understand. I ran into the same issues when I was in high school--"my parents liked him so much! what am I going to tell them??" but they always knew that my dating decisions were for the better. They aren't going to choose her over you! Plus, the sooner you talk to them, the faster you can start healing. Good luck :-)

[Citizen Erased]

Some girls can be so horrible

 

Honestly, it would be best if you let this girl go. If she has an attraction to someone else other than you, and wants to spend time with him instead of you, then I hate to say it but it has to be the end. I know what it is like, my first REAL relationship lasted for 2 years during my senior year at school and then I fell for someone else. I felt horrible, but I had to end it.

 

The worse thing she has done is not be upfront with you, but she is still young and stupid and probably doesn't realise yet that the way she acts is really hurting someone else other than herself. It's not until most people leave school that they are forced to grow up and you shouldn't have to do that yet. Enjoy being young.

 

In answer to your question, Yes, you should go out with other girls, go on dates, muck around. Have FUN, be young, be a teenaged boy. If this was true love than it wouldn't be this hard. Perhaps sometime in the future you two may have a lasting relationship, but right now you have to let her go.