Is it normal to not be interested in your family?

[lemonicetea]

Is it normal to not be that interested in your family (like aunts, uncles, cousins etc)? It seems like the older I get, the less I care about my family as a collective unit. Everyone is fine as an individual person and there’s no bad blood between us but I just find going to family get togethers a waste of my time if I’m being perfectly blunt. To be honest, I haven’t seen many of the people from my mom’s side in years and I have no real desire to. If one of them were to reach out, of course I would respond, but honestly I perfectly fine as it is. 
 

I think one problem that I have is that I feel like my role in the family is to be the teen daughter and that’s a role I’m sick of playing now that I’m in my 30’s. I also feel like I just want to branch off, but I’m a single childless woman so yeah, that’s not happening. Another issue I have is I have difficulties with group settings. Like I’m great with one on one conversations, but I have a difficult time just inserting myself in the middle of a group of five, even if they are my family members, and yakking away about what I did at work or whatever. 

[ShyViolet]

It's not that uncommon for people to feel no connection to their extended family and to dislike going to family gatherings.  If you have no desire to stay involved with them, you're not obligated to.  Do whatever feels right for you.

[basil67]

5 hours ago, lemonicetea said:

I think one problem that I have is that I feel like my role in the family is to be the teen daughter and that’s a role I’m sick of playing now that I’m in my 30’s.

What does playing this role involve?   And what stopped you from behaving like an adult in their company?   Trying to understand....

[Georgia46]

Yes it’s normal. My two sister in laws bore me to death, I have nothing in common with them even though we’re all a similar age. 

[lemonicetea]

18 hours ago, basil67 said:

What does playing this role involve?   And what stopped you from behaving like an adult in their company?   Trying to understand....

I feel that people see me as a teenager and talk about me right in front of me even though I’m there. For example one time my aunt asked me how my work is going, I started to tell her but then she turned to my mom and asked if I still work at the same place. 

[Els]

Yeah, same here. Honestly, if you select a truly random sample of 20 people and put them in 1 room, how much do you think those people would have in common? That's exactly like extended family gatherings IMO, it's just a random selection of personalities and interests. Sure, a few people might have extended families that they are very close to, but in the majority of cases, you won't have all that much in common.

 

[LuckyM]

I agree. I feel no connection at all and never did. I loathe family gatherings but my parents pushed me

But if everyone else feels an obligation you may become the family loner an outsider and the others

Will treat you like that.   Introverts are private or isolated

Are there any cousins or family you like?  You live near them?

[stillafool]

On 12/1/2024 at 12:02 PM, lemonicetea said:

I feel that people see me as a teenager and talk about me right in front of me even though I’m there. For example one time my aunt asked me how my work is going, I started to tell her but then she turned to my mom and asked if I still work at the same place. 

That would annoy me as well.  I would have told my aunt "you can just ask me, I'm sitting right here".  Sometimes you have to speak up and let them know that you are not that little girl anymore but a grown independent woman.  They usually back off once you do.  But a lot of people don't like to get together with family and dread the holidays because of it.

[Lotsgoingon]

Not unusual at all. 

[lemonicetea]

I have an extra question. I have just been to family get togethers for Thanksgiving, my cousin’s birthday (and mine was tossed in there as well) and Christmas. Just today I’ve been invited to two more family functions within the next week, one being my cousin’s kid’s birthday at a toddler play place and the other being a 2nd Christmas for my cousin’s stepkids who were out of town on Christmas Day. 
 

To be brutally honest, neither of these events affect me in any way. Like I’m happy the kids are having birthday parties and having Christmas but it’s like there’s nothing in it for me (not trying to be selfish). Like I’ve seen all these people three times in the last month so it’s not like there’s catching up I could do. 
 

Long story short but how do I get out of these with out sounding like a jerk? 

Edited December 27, 2024 by lemonicetea

[stillafool]

 

27 minutes ago, lemonicetea said:

Long story short but how do I get out of these with out sounding like a jerk? 

Just tell them you are feeling under the weather and don't go.  

[Gaeta]

On 11/30/2024 at 11:56 AM, lemonicetea said:

but I’m a single childless woman so yeah

No judgement but,. Family members are humans too, if you take the time to talk to them and find something you have in common with them then you may create a connection. 

In my family - we're big on family. Xmas is 10 days of eating, celebrating, traveling to visit others, we sky, we skate, we karaoke, name it! We make it fun. I have 2 lady neighbors that  'branched off' and they are alone ALL year long! One of them is going through a cancer, she has a sister that visits her once in a while that's it. While my home is full of `family` on Xmas Eve she sits alone in front of her tv. 

Again no judgement, you may not be a teenager but you do think like a teenager when you say your aunties and cousins are boring, nobody is boring, you just have not paid attention to them as human beings and as individuals. A teenager sits there and waits for family to come to them, an adult of 30 joins the group and participates. 

[lemonicetea]

On 12/31/2024 at 6:10 AM, Gaeta said:

No judgement but,. Family members are humans too, if you take the time to talk to them and find something you have in common with them then you may create a connection. 

In my family - we're big on family. Xmas is 10 days of eating, celebrating, traveling to visit others, we sky, we skate, we karaoke, name it! We make it fun. I have 2 lady neighbors that  'branched off' and they are alone ALL year long! One of them is going through a cancer, she has a sister that visits her once in a while that's it. While my home is full of `family` on Xmas Eve she sits alone in front of her tv. 

Again no judgement, you may not be a teenager but you do think like a teenager when you say your aunties and cousins are boring, nobody is boring, you just have not paid attention to them as human beings and as individuals. A teenager sits there and waits for family to come to them, an adult of 30 joins the group and participates. 

Just to be clear, I’m not saying that anybody is boring or bad or anything negative, as individual people. It’s just big families dinners are boring to me. 
 

You know maybe if my family did more activities like skating or bowling I would be more into it, but as of right now just eating dinner at somebody’s house just isn’t my thing.

Also maybe this is a skill I need to work on, but I have a hard time with joining a group. I’m great with one on one interactions, but to jump into a group, even if they are family members, is difficult for me.  I’m introverted and reserved, but maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I should try to be more extroverted and outgoing.