Guy in our extended friends group came onto me and has now vanished?

[babybrowns]

Hello all,

A guy whom I had met at a party a few months ago recently hit me up. It started off with texting and then we spoke on the phone for an hour. He told me that he found me attractive and that he wants to get to know me more.

However, he confessed that he was currently in a relationship which was unfulfilling and not stimulating him in the way that he feels I do. He told me that he was not attracted to her in the way he is to me.

He asked me about meeting up. I did say that I feel a little hesitant due to his having a girlfriend, to which he said that I should “leave it to him, he’ll sort it”. He even told me that he’d told his father about me that day too once we had reconnected.

I agreed to meet him, and we scheduled a date for a few days after that. However, he then vanished. I have heard nothing from him. The only sign that he is ‘still alive’ is that he is looking at my stories when I upload pictures. 

I am wondering how to make sense of this?  It is not something that has happened to me before; getting approached by someone who’s in a relationship. I am interested in this guy since I do feel a similar interest in him to that which he supposedly has in me. This seemed to be just a flash in the pan, is all hope now lost?

This was an experience I had which wasn’t just another online dating disappointment; this is a man whom I met in person through friends. I’d appreciate insights.

With thanks

Edited November 30 by babybrowns

[basil67]

52 minutes ago, babybrowns said:

This was an experience I had which wasn’t just another online dating disappointment;

Oh for heaven's sake!   You're disappointed because a man who's open to cheating on his girlfriend ghosted you?   You should be thanking your lucky stars

Are you in therapy?

[Alpacalia]

It probably feels nice that he found you attractive and wanted to get know you better. So, it's a bit of a puff to your ego. So, what about it?

It's much more likely that he will get back in contact with you, invite you out, meet with you, and make a lively and heartfelt plan to hang out just to feed his love lust and attraction. Then vanish then reappear without a clue about how this affects or impacts someone like you; particularly if you let him know how warm, patient and single you are; or how interested you are in spending more time with him.

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, babybrowns said:

I am wondering how to make sense of this?

It seems pretty simple to me - he is in a relationship. He must have realized that he is not available to date. 
 

3 hours ago, babybrowns said:

This seemed to be just a flash in the pan, is all hope now lost?

Baby browns - do you really want to be in a relationship with a man who can such ridiculous nonsense as this - 
 

3 hours ago, babybrowns said:

I did say that I feel a little hesitant due to his having a girlfriend, to which he said that I should “leave it to him, he’ll sort it.”

I mean, where is your good sense? 

[NuevoYorko]

It concerns me that you seem to be seriously entertaining the idea that something may come of this interaction.  

From start to finish, it's all a clear, straight up NO.   A dreadful idea.

First - he meets you at a party, you text and then talk on the phone, and he then tells you that his partner  is "not stimulating him in the way that he feels I do. He told me that he was not attracted to her in the way he is to me."

Girl ... please!  Please.  This is so very weak, lame and half -assed.   He's IN A RELATIONSHIP!   And, he doesn't know you.  He surely doesn't know that you are more stimulating ... because you two met at a party and had some text and phone contact.

OK?

But, to top it all off,  he has completely ghosted you when you'd made a date!   

@babybrowns- what about this are you questioning?  

I can't understand.

[Miss Spider]

It’s hard to say. Maybe he got his validation fix/ego boost and decided not to take it further than that. 

[ExpatInItaly]

He's in a relationship. 

What were you thinking agreeing to meet up with him? Come on, bb. You know better. 

[happyhorizons]

11 hours ago, Miss Spider said:

It’s hard to say. Maybe he got his validation fix/ego boost and decided not to take it further than that. 

He tested the "waters" so to speak and decided that maybe it was not for him.....

 

8 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

He's in a relationship. 

What were you thinking agreeing to meet up with him? Come on, bb. You know better. 

Not a good move BB......don't let someone like HIM play you

[Georgia46]

He is one of the many time wasting players out there .. 

 

Lucky escape. 
 

delete and block.  
 

 

[NuevoYorko]

Something to keep in mind as well - you and this person are members of a mutual friend group.   

Would you like to be considered a pariah by all of these people?  Because that is what happens when somebody engages with a married person within a group.   They get left out in the cold.

Deservedly.

[basil67]

True ^    Even though he's the one in a relationship, you wouldn't get away from it unscarred.  The term 'homewrecker' gets used an awful lot

[BaileyB]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Even though he's the one in a relationship, you wouldn't get away from it unscarred. 

Women don’t trust or want to be friends with women who flirt/would entertain even the possibility of an extramarital relationship with their husbands.