Goodbye text

[racka]

2 years relationship ex (21F) definitively broke up with me (31F) 4 weeks ago because of past and recent hurt and communication issues.

She initially broke it off 3 months ago after a big fight, but we tried to make things work as I apologized and kind of dated again as she was unsure before I left for a month trip abroad.

She sent a pretty cold text 4 days into my trip as she said she wanted to see other people, that we should move on and wishing me farewell, then said "We can have a call if you want...". I answered "Okay. Take care", she answered me to take care too and I left it at that.

She then blocked me on Instagram 4 days after, and seems angry/hurt. She might have stalked my Instagram for new girls or Tinder activity after we broke up (she's done that before).

I want to send her this message, so that we can be both at peace :

~~~~~

I couldn’t respond properly to your last message, but I’d like to do so now, calmly. I hope you’ll read this, even if you’re angry.

I know how difficult your decision must have been, and how much our relationship meant to you. You tried for so long to save us. I didn’t see it coming, and I wasn’t able to hold on to you before you reached your breaking point. I would also understand if you blame me.

I am sincerely sorry for my mistakes and for not always being the person I should have been.

I wish so many things had gone differently, wish I could have given you more, and I know you did too. You made me grow, pushed me to evolve. I’m sure I’m a different person today because of you.

Know that I love you like I’ve never loved before. Maybe it’s irrational, but it’s how I feel, and it’s painful to say goodbye. But we’ll be okay, both of us. Thank you for showing me a love so strong, one that transformed me, continues to transform me, and will leave a lasting mark on my life.

Thank you for everything we shared and everything you brought into my life. Thank you for your love, loyalty, tenderness, efforts, and care. Thank you for the everyday simplicity of our relationship. Thank you for loving me enough to want to follow me to the ends of the earth—literally. The fact that our relationship lasted so long despite the challenges is a beautiful testament to the strength of our shared love and everything it overcame.

I hope your incredible memory will hold onto the good times, just as I’ll cherish them. I’ll look back on them fondly.

I wanted to write this message so that our story could have an ending worthy of what it was, so that we can both move forward with peace, and so that maybe you can leave with a lighter heart.

You are a beautiful person, and I thank you for being a good person to me.

This message doesn’t call for a response; I just hope it might allow us to share a smile if our paths cross again one day.

I sincerely wish you all the best.

~~~~~~

Should I send it to ease things off ? I know I low key still hope for reconciliation, but that is not the goal at all.

Edited December 1, 2024 by racka

[basil67]

Sorry things didn't work out for you.   

I wouldn't send the letter.  Thing is, she's blocked you and this means she doesn't want to hear from you - so if you can get the letter through to her, it will be a disrespect of her boundaries.   And honestly, my ex sent a letter like this to me after I left our marriage and it just gave me the icks.   I know the letter came from a place of love and regret, but I still didn't want it. 

Consider the writing of this letter to be cathartic act for you, but don't actually send it

[ShyViolet]

I vote no to sending that letter.  To be perfectly honest it's kind of cringey to send something like that after a clean breakup, especially where the other person has blocked you.  It's just not necessary and it's way too much.  The relationship is over.  Nothing is going to change that now.  The only thing to do now is leave her alone and move on.

[racka]

Well I did send her a revised less cringey version of this as I reached out (she actually wanted to reach out the same day saying she wasn't mad at me or anything but she didn't want to see me dating or stuff). We exchanged farewells and she sent me a answer too saying thanks and how much she regretted things went out this way, saying she will miss me a lot. We chatted for a while, she kept asking if I was dating, not sure why, I told her no. We are in good terms, told each other we were available to talk if needed. I didn't tell her I wanted her back but I miss her like hell, maybe I should have done so.

It was 3 days ago.

Feels good for the soul but hurts like hell. Gives the mutual breakup feeling without it really being mutual.

Edited December 5, 2024 by racka

[ExpatInItaly]

16 hours ago, racka said:

she kept asking if I was dating, not sure why

This is usually for these reasons:
A) The dumper wants to know if the ex would still be available in case single life doesn't work out so well
B) The dumper is already dating and wants to relieve their rather guilty consceince by finding out if the ex is seeing others anyway

Sometimes it's a combo of the above. Either way, it's best not to read into it. It doesn't usually mean much, in the end. 

[Georgia46]

I just wanted to say that what you wrote was so lovely.  
 

maybe you two will work things out.