how to get back with my women

[dink]

I promised my fiancee alot and did come threw on alot of stuff but not the stuff that counted, I've got an anger problem and can't control it all the time and it gets the best of me sometimes and it has scared her away and I want to know how or what I can do to get her back into giving me another chance

[Tony T]

Without more details there's not much help I can offer. But I can tell you that with few exceptions, harsh words said in haste out of anger can erase a lot of love and years of closeness.

 

Get your anger problem handled. Remember, we get angry because events or people aren't behaving as we demand that they do. If you can just get it in your head that people aren't meant to behave as you desire them to and events are meant to happen as you desire them to, you will be a lot better off.

 

Instead of being angry, express diappointment. That is far more rational. Also, for your information, the chemicals released in the body during fits of anger over time cause damage to the heart. You probably learned anger from one of your parents. It's very destructive and it will drive away love more surely than any other quality you have.

 

No matter how wonderful a relationship is, a major fit of anger, even if it lasts only 15 seconds, will override everything else and destroy everything you've worked for. That's just a reality and it's almost impossible to undo.

 

The only thing you can do here is apologize and wait it out. When a woman sees that you are capable of a major tantrum, she becomes very fearful you may do it again...and become violent towards her.

 

I hope you learned something here.

[Miss Mojo]

hi dink,

 

usually at the root of anger is immense frustration at something or someone. i know...it aint much fun feeling like mt vesuvius about to erupt.

 

anger can go for or against us...it depends on the way in which we choose to express it. we need to know how to recognise and express it appropriately in order to help us to reach our goals, solve problems and protect our health (and also of others).

 

problems dealing with anger not only affect relationships, affect thinking and behaviour patterns, but create a variety of physical problems, such as high blood pressure, heart problems, headaches, and digestive problems.

 

you have already acknowledged your problem in coping with anger. that in itself must be somewhat of a relief. have you tried seeking the support of important people (family, fiance) in your life in coping with your feelings and in changing your behavior patterns? have you considered speaking to a health care professional about learning anger management?

 

one thing that i believe that is *SO* important for us to do, is to learn how to laugh at ourselves and see humour in situations, and to learn how to relax. if you've ever had a fight with someone or been angry about something and you've turned around a day later and cracked up laughing at it, you'll see what i mean. deep breathe, analyse the situation for what it *IS* rather than how it makes you feel and then determine your response....will it deserve a diplomatic response, or can you honestly see a funny side to it?

 

although some people say that expressing anger is better than keeping it in, remember that frequent outbursts of anger are often counter-productive and may alienate others.

 

do you and your girlfriend have good listening skills? working on communication and can facilitate trusting feelings between people. this trust can help you deal with potentially hostile emotions, hopefully reducing and possibly eliminating them.

 

lastly, there is a major difference between being assertive and aggressive.

 

to be assertive is to get your point across without being intimidating. it is about remaining calm, maintaining self-respect and respect for others. assertiveness is without sarcasm, and recognises both people's needs.

 

to be aggressive is to use intimidating words and/or gestures to get a point across. this is what usually pushes others away. this kind of behaviour is generally at the expense of others and shows little respect.

 

most people respond much better to an assertive person, rather than an aggressive one.

 

talk to your fiance and let her know that you acknowledge you have a problem and that once and for all, you would like to confront it with help from her and/or a health care professional. gain the support and friends and family if you can, and tackle this problem head on. it will be a huge weight off your shoulders when you do.

 

best wishes

 

p.s. if she isn't very supportive, don't get upset....getting angry at her will only make her feel that you're not serious about nipping this in the bud. she may also be a bit skeptical, considering you haven't always come through on the things that counted.