Reality6001 Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 Hi! I've never done this before, but I need some advice. I've been married for a little over 10 years, and I'm not in love with my husband anymore. I told him last weekend, and what I really wanted was for him to leave, but I didn't tell him. He's good guy, just not the right one for me. I did agree to conseling with him because I think it will be good to talk thing out, since we have 2 kids. Anyway, back to my real problem right now. He's trying so hard to be nice and loving, it's making me crazy. Being in the same room with him drives me over the edge and makes me feel like my space is being invaded. He wants to continue to have sex, I don't. I gave in the other night and I was a mess .We have talked a little, but it always comes back to the same thing, he's in love with me deeply, and I'm not. He has suggested we stay together and just live without any type relationship other than as friends. It's crazy , and since I have a appt with the theripist on Tuiesday, I'm trying to hang on, in hope of learning a better way to handle this. Anyone have any ideas to make this easier, I know it not going to be easy, but I needed a little humor...... Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 What has changed in your relationship with your husband? I'm assuming that you loved him when you married him. You went on to have two children together. So, something must have changed in the way you relate to each other. What happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reality6001 Posted January 8, 2006 Author Share Posted January 8, 2006 Well, I'll try to explain it a little better this time. Yes, I was in love with him, but over the years I have changed and grow, he's stayed the same . It's not his fault, he like who his is and where he's at in his life. For some reason the things I used to love about him only make me nuts now, and bug me to no end. Please don't get me wrong , he is a great guy,I just don't know if I can and want to get those feeling back other than in a friend.And at this point with us staying in the same house is just not working. I know he wants more explaination and he does deserve them, I just can't seem my bring my self to tell him . He seems to think if he says he love me every five seconds( Which by the way he's said everyday several times to me for the last ten years), I'll change my mind. It's not going to happen. All it's doing is making me want it over with. I'm going to ask for some space, which I should of done when I first told him, but becaue of pride and ego I tryied to keep up a good front for our families. I think it would help both of us, and give us time to really think about things. I'm hoping the theripist can shed some lite on issue and help us both see if it can be fixed or its over and if it is workout for our boys.But that's just the thing that is pushing me further out the door,. because even after talking to him ,he still is doing what he done for 10 years, love me , and I don't want it.It not fair to either of us. Any suggestions.. Thanks for your thoughts and for listening, Reality6001 Link to post Share on other sites
InApickle Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 Is there any other romantic interests you might have? Sometimes a prospect can make a person think that if only they could get out of their current situation, they would be free to persue another relationship. I was in a similar situation, but there were no children. I just had fallen out of love with my husband because of an affair of his that had taken place many years before, but I just couldn't get past it. He was a great guy and I know he loved me with all his heart, but I couldn't see past the affair, no matter how hard I tried. I got it in to my head that there is a man out there for me that won't hurt me (be unfaithful) or do something to me that will make me carry around all this emotional baggage. My ex husband to this day treats me very good. He still cares about me, although he has moved on with his life and is now remarried. And... I have come to the conclusion, that if you have any love in your heart for your husband, that you try and work it out. It's not always better on the other side. Building new relationships can be exhausting... And, finding a man that truly loves you and is willing to work things out is definitely a positive thing. I would go to counseling and if your heart is not in love with another man, I would try to work on things with you husband if you feel it can be a livable situation. If he honestly can change certain aspects of his behavior, do you think you could love him again? Link to post Share on other sites
scobro Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 That is what my wife said to me "you are a great guy just not the right guy for me":( .What happens do you just wake up and feel your husband isn't right for you anymore? and what made him right 10 years ago that doesn't make him right today? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Reality6001 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 First off, niether one of use has ever had a affair, no there is no one else. No niether of us violent, no niether one of us is abuse.Right now, it about trying to determine whether I can stay in this relationship without the love. I do see your point, but doesn't he deserve to be loved the same way in return? Nither one of us can continue to walk on egg shell. Last night,we were up until 4am, talking. It breaks my heart to know that I have done this to him, but I can't stop now if were going to get to the bottom us this and fix it one way or another. I still think some time apart would be better, and since I have my first theripist session tomorrow, I'm hoping that they will be able hel us start to fix this.. Reality Link to post Share on other sites
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