I've had enough... Think I'm tapping out...

[Walk]

I text him yesterday around 8. Said: "Would like to understand. Why Saturday? Why upset with me then? 'Cause I was talking to (male aquientance)? First day back and you blow up at me. Distance yourself and push me away. Why?"

 

He replies 3 and a half hours later. Says: "Everything I have done for you has been what you claimed you wanted. What you said would make you happy. You said a long time ago that you were tired of men (your ex) always forcing their sexual intentions on you. I let you decide when. You said you hated that they inevitably ended up taking your money (your ex and your brother). I haven't asked for a dime. YOu said you were tired of being taken advantage of (everyone you knew). I don't ask for anything from you that I have not already done for you before. You asked I gave. And now you tell me that none of it was important? That all you wanted was a hug? That would of made everything better? Somehow I don't think so...."

 

(verbatim, except I filled in the u=for you. This came all at once. Several texts in a row. Followed with...)

 

Next barrage of texts from him: "I have always treated you the best I could. If I got something new, then you did to. If I wanted something I would ask if there was anything you needed first."

 

Next: "I treated you like the princess you always wondered why no one saw you as. And my thanks has been, to be told it's not enough. YOu don't want one for one. You want one for two. You've claimed such. (Other agreements be damned) You need to remember two years ago. You didn't even feel you were worthy of love. Now you say it's not enough."

 

Directly followed by: "And yes, it pisses me off, that the one day I got off this weekend. I wake to find you hanging out at the coffee shop with another man. On my one f***ing day off!"

 

I text him back and say I didn't go there to meet my friend, he just showed up. And when (bf) texted, (saturday) I had told him I was coming right home, but then he told me he'd already made plans with his friend and so I waited there to see him. Then I tagged along like a puppy the rest of the night just to be near him.

 

His last text after that was: "All week long you've got to write and see people. I see the inside of a truck. I thought it was our time... G-nite"

 

He had to get back to work, so that was it... Last was at 12:30 AM. He'd been working since who knows when. Probably since midnight sunday night.

[Walk]

The "You want one for two" comment, refers to my telling him that hugs and kisses and affection are important to me. That I classify those as needs. (We've covered this so many times.) He said (earlier) that it means he provides for my financial security, and for my emotional security, but then he only gets sexual needs met. So I get 2 for his 1.

 

I didn't reply to that portion of the text. Only to the part about seeing my friend there.

 

So, although he covered other areas in his text messaging. It comes down to, he was jealous. I've dumped every guy friend for this relationship. Any guy I'd known, no matter how many years, I told to never contact me again. I deleted all their numbers, addresses, and haven't had contact with them in 2 years now. Even the friends I've had for 6-7 years. I explained to them why, asked that they not contact me, and that's been it. I don't go out anymore specifically so I won't give anyone reason to mistrust me.

 

I cheated on my exH, and I told this guy about it when we first started dating. I'd had an immense amount of guilt over it. It was something I had always thought only horrible people did. Then I suddenly was one of those people, and I couldn't live with myself. I'd talked to (bf) about what I'd done, to try to alleviate his fears. That it was a specific set of circumstances, and I learned that I needed to be strong enough to stand up for myself better then end in the route I took. I explained why I cheated, and why I knew it wouldn't happen again. And that if we ever got so bad that I wanted to leave, that I would leave and not let guilt influence me.

 

(I'd tried to leave exH for a year. Kept moving out, he'd hunt me down, call me 100x's a day, beg me to come back, threaten to kill himself... I moved out 7 times. He always found me. Knew where I worked... He wouldn't let me go. I didn't specifically do this to hurt him.. It was subconcious, and I was stupid to allow my needs to influence me. After all this, the exH stalked me for about 6 months. Always showing up whereever I went. Would pop out of the woodwork and demand to talk to me. At any bar I went to, at coffee shops, at work. Every where. I stopped going out at all for over a year. Even after I signed over the house to dickwad. The man who said he couldn't sell it if I got half because $95,000 wasn't enough for him. So he got $190,000 for the house I put all the money into: $50,000 plus I built most the damn thing. The azzwipe still wouldn't leave me alone. I got a lot of debt, he got $190,000 in profit.)

 

Sorry. I'm off on a tangent. I've gotta get to class. Thanks again for listening and the great comments, and advice. I still have to figure out what to do with the last two boxes of things. Guess more stuff is going to have to be tossed. *sigh*

[Blackard]

Not feasible. He quote "Doesn't regress". We either move forward or we're done.

 

Not sure what anyone else is saying but I'm telling you that this guy is a classic abuser. You can't fix him, you can't work with him, you can't make it better. All you can do is to succumb to his abuse, his control. That is the only way this relationship will work.

 

Now you can stay, or you can go, but do so with your eyes wide open.

[helena abadi]

Amen to that.

[Walk]

Kat23... I looked back through the thread you linked to. Feels like that was a different person. And I kind of feel like I'm on a cliff. Half on, half falling off into an abyss. It's a strange feeling.

 

I really tried hard to please him when I made that post. I was like a porn star on speed trying to make him want me. It's sad...

 

Then one day he just "came out of it". Poof. It didn't seem to be anything I did. One day he's screaming at me, next we having sex, and the day after all is fine.

 

His actions that day (from the august post) truamatized me. I had never felt so nasty, rejected, hatin' myself, as that day. And he wanted me to do that all over again last weekend. Put myself back into that position. Play porn star to soothe his ego. To make him feel manly while he rejected me over and over again. And when I didn't do more then ask for sex, and quit when he turned me down, then he got furious because I wasn't playing by his design. I didn't jump the hoops to "win" back his favor. Which pissed him off more, because he thinks he is God and I need to show him I am worthy of being with him.

 

Thanks again for the advice comments. Here's a hypothetical question... (we all know I'm talking about me anyway.. ) Can someone explain in a logical manner, why if a man is paying all the bills the woman shouldn't be doing all the work sexually?

 

A.) I need to know this to combat my mental processes. I'm caught in a loop, and I'm not seeing reason. My thought process is not rational, and I need something rational to cling to on this one. Does anyone have thoughts on this?

B.) I need to know so that I can defend myself against everyone else. I need a gun figuratively.

C.) I need to know so that I can avoid this in the future.

[Outcast]

Can someone explain in a logical manner, why if a man is paying all the bills the woman shouldn't be doing all the work sexually?

 

 

• Because relationships are not about the purchase of goods.
  
• Because you are not a prostitute.
  
• Because you were working and paying your own way and he insisted that you stop work to go to school without telling you that he was expecting you to be his paid sex slave.
  
• Because nobody should have to ask for simple gestures of affection and be told that they are a bargaining chip to be exchanged for favours
  
• Because this is just one more excuse and way for him to blame you for his inner turmoil and if you were to do everything he wanted sexually, he'd find fault with something else and another thing after that and so forth
  

[Magister]

Thanks again for the advice comments. Here's a hypothetical question... (we all know I'm talking about me anyway.. ) Can someone explain in a logical manner, why if a man is paying all the bills the woman shouldn't be doing all the work sexually?

 

It is seldom smart to be logical about such situations. Anything conclusion will seem logical if your premises aren't accurate. For instance, if a woman's only contribution to a relationship is sex, and her man isn't happy in the relationship, logically the woman isn't performing the way she should. Of course, I find the idea that anyone could contribute just sex to a relationship repugnant. So that would be a good place to start looking for false assumptions.

And then there is, if he could work extra and pay the bills, surely you could have done the same for yourself. It isn't exactly unusual for people to work 30-40 hours a week and go to school at the same. Which, of course brings up, How is you finishing school supposed to improve the both your lives?

 

Its possible my impression that you are a manipulator is off the mark, but I doubt it. Logically, a situation like this is too unbalanced to have come about against your will.

[Outcast]

Its possible my impression that you are a manipulator is off the mark, but I doubt it.

 

Yep it's way off the mark. Go back and read the bit where he persuaded her to quit school. How you can say SHE's the manipulator when it's HIM who berates her unless he does exactly his bidding is beyond me. Unless you do the same thing he does and see nothing wrong with it.

[Walk]

How is you finishing school supposed to improve the both your lives?

 

a situation like this is too unbalanced to have come about against your will.

The agreement was I would get my degree, within a time frame, and once I graduated, I would pay all the bills and support him so that he could either go back to school, or find a new career, or at least a company he would enjoy more. I have the means to pay for school at this time. He does not. So it made sense that I would go now.

 

Last he said though, he's breaking the deal. He won't allow me to pay all the bills while he gets more education or changes jobs. That if he can't do it on his own he won't do it.

 

I have made numerous offers to get a job. Have gotten job interviews, and applied at various places. He blows up. Says I am only showing that I don't appreciate what he is doing for me. That by getting a job would be a slap in his face, it shows I don't care how he feels, and that I'm intentionally going against what we agreed on.

 

I said I wanted to get a job last weekend, because he was freaking out about the bills. He said if I do that, then we are OVER.

 

So, Do you still think I am emotionally manipulating him into getting him to pay all the bills? He accused me of stealing the mail and hiding the bills. I don't. He for some reason thought I was sending them money, but didn't want him to know about it. He told me he doesn't want me cooking for him because he said I might poison the food. He believes the landlord put a camera in the bedroom to spy on us, and he covered "the camera" up with a pillow case. He believes a lot of things that are soooo not normal, that its hard for me to even contemplate that I might be the emotionally manipulative one in this picture. Especially since all of my ex's ended up better off after me, then they did before me. Especially since all my ex's and I still get along. Especially since I have always held at least one 40 hr/wk job, since I was 14 yrs old.

[SmoochieFace]

This doesn't sound like a *loving relationship*... this sounds more like *cold and calculating business relationship*. *shrugging*

 

So much manipulation and abuse going on... scary.

[Walk]

• Because relationships are not about the purchase of goods.
  
• Because you are not a prostitute.
  
• Because you were working and paying your own way and he insisted that you stop work to go to school without telling you that he was expecting you to be his paid sex slave.
  
• Because nobody should have to ask for simple gestures of affection and be told that they are a bargaining chip to be exchanged for favours
  
• Because this is just one more excuse and way for him to blame you for his inner turmoil and if you were to do everything he wanted sexually, he'd find fault with something else and another thing after that and so forth
  

I understand this. But the logic (in my brain) is different... please bare with me.. I know this sounds utterly naive and retarded. Theoretically he is meeting all my needs, so therefore I should meet all his needs. And if I don't meet all his needs, then I am the one not holding up my end of the bargain..?

 

I agree with what you say. He, however, insisted I was not just a "hole", or a prostitute, but that he deserved to have his needs met. This is what's hanging me up. I believe that he does deserve to have his needs met. As I deserve to have mine met, to the best of his abilities. hmm.. maybe I just answered that for myself. I don't expect perfection, and forgive when things aren't quite up to what I had hoped. He expects perfection and blows up when they aren't. hmmm... Except he believes he is meeting all my needs 100% of the time, and that I'm a slacker who does the bare minimum.

 

I thought I was wrong because I couldn't understand why I failed so often. I thought I was obviously just not getting "it". That I was deficent in something. And then it'd be okay for a while, and I'd think I finally got it. That I UNDERSTOOD, finally. I'd be so relieved. Than he'd hit me with it all over again. Start out with him not wanting me touching him, and then he'd get irritated over something I forgot, or did, or didn't do... and then he'd stop talking to me, but he'd buy me more stuff. More and more, until he blew up and then accused me of taking and taking and never trying to meet his sexual needs. After I tiptoed around him for days, humbly begging him to touch me, to come to bed with me, to want to have sex with me. It was always my fault. He'd tell me I have all the keys on how to act when he gets that way, but none of them work. Or at least not with any great success. He'll flat out refuse me for sex, and then two minutes later be mad that we haven't had sex in a WEEK. Doesn't matter that that day was the first day I'd seen him 5 days. That he'd been gone all week, and this was the first chance we had since the last time we had sex... didn't matter. He was mad, and it was my fault.

[Walk]

This doesn't sound like a *loving relationship*... this sounds more like *cold and calculating business relationship*.

 

I don't see making a handshake agreement with your SO as cold and calculating... I saw it as reassurance that when he wanted something that would better his life, or just a break from work, then I would be there to back him up. Not that it was hard and fast, just available. When he said he wouldn't afterward, he was basing that on the fact that he wouldn't allow himself to be in a position to have to rely on me. Because he fears giving up his "power". I wasn't trying to gain power over him, but gain mutal trust and happiness.

 

It's like asking your SO to run an errand, but promising that you'll run one for them if they need something another time. (assuming you follow through with the promise)

[SmoochieFace]

I don't see making a handshake agreement with your SO as cold and calculating... I saw it as reassurance that when he wanted something that would better his life, or just a break from work, then I would be there to back him up. Not that it was hard and fast, just available. When he said he wouldn't afterward, he was basing that on the fact that he wouldn't allow himself to be in a position to have to rely on me. Because he fears giving up his "power". I wasn't trying to gain power over him, but gain mutal trust and happiness.

 

It's like asking your SO to run an errand, but promising that you'll run one for them if they need something another time. (assuming you follow through with the promise)

 

But where is the love? Where's the romance? Where's the fun? I don't see any of those - I see a relationship based on economics and manipulation more than anything. Even *sex* seems to be a *commodity* here... a "do this for me and I'll give you sex" sort of thing.

[Lishy]

Have you left yet Walk? You have packed the car yes?

[Outcast]

Walk.

 

Will you PLEASE listen here? And STOP excusing him?

 

I have made numerous offers to get a job. Have gotten job interviews, and applied at various places. He blows up. Says I am only showing that I don't appreciate what he is doing for me. That by getting a job would be a slap in his face, it shows I don't care how he feels, and that I'm intentionally going against what we agreed on.

 

THIS IS CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR

 

I said I wanted to get a job last weekend, because he was freaking out about the bills. He said if I do that, then we are OVER.

 

THIS IS CONTROLLING BEHAVIOUR

 

• He accused me of stealing the mail and hiding the bills. I don't.
  
• He for some reason thought I was sending them money, but didn't want him to know about it.
  
• He told me he doesn't want me cooking for him because he said I might poison the food.
  
• He believes the landlord put a camera in the bedroom to spy on us, and he covered "the camera" up with a pillow case.
  

 

THESE ARE SIGNS OF A SERIOUS MENTAL ILLNESS; NAMELY PARANOIA. THIS IS NOT REPEAT NOT NORMAL IN ANY WAY. THIS IS A SICK MAN, WALK. This isn't just a 'quirk'. This is seriously disordered. This is verging on the kind of sickness that people get committed to institutions for.

 

Theoretically he is meeting all my needs, so therefore I should meet all his needs. And if I don't meet all his needs, then I am the one not holding up my end of the bargain..?

 

No. This is not a business. AND HE IS NOT MEETING ALL YOUR NEEDS!!!!!

 

He will not allow you to fulfil yourself or have any sense of independence by getting a job. He will not give you affection. How can you possibly say this is 'fulfilling ALL your needs'. All he's doing is paying for you.

 

He, however, insisted I was not just a "hole", or a prostitute, but that he deserved to have his needs met.

 

STOP. LISTENING. TO. WHAT. HE. SAYS. Why does he 'deserve' to have his 'needs' met and you do not? C'mon, Walk. You have been badly damaged so that your own rationality has gone out the window. You badly need therapy yourself, IMHO, because you have become utterly unable to see why he is so wrong. You are in serious trouble yourself IMHO. He has succeeded in brainwashing you. You are right now in as bad a shape as Manson's women were. What if his 'needs' are to kill someone - would you go along? You say no but I am afraid that you have fallen into his insanity - which is exactly what he wanted to accomplish by keeping you away from friends and work and other people.

 

GET OUT NOW AND DON'T LOOK BACK!!!!!!!!

[Walk]

Have you left yet Walk? You have packed the car yes?

Why you gotta call me out like that girl? j/k.

 

He won't be home til Friday at the earliest, so I've got till thursday to get out. However, I do have the car packed. I just have to figure out a way to strap my bike on the car. Oh, and my laundry basket of clothes. I'm amazed at how little I actually own. I'm leaving everything he's bought me here. It's all shoved in a bag. Christmas gifts, etc. For all his, "I buy you soo much".. it's very little.

 

I'm still clueless on where to go. I'm freaking out about classes, parking, where the classes are at, getting books, and other school supplies. Guess I should email my brother and see if he'll take my wayward azz in. Then I'll be forced to baby sit a 7 & 5 year old every day. They're good kids, well behaved, but... I just never got that maternal gene or something.

[Outcast]

Are there any shared housing arrangements that your fellow students might have that you could get in on (i.e. rent a room in a house with other students)?

 

Talk to an abuse hotline - they may be able to set you up with temporary housing until you can get a job and make a little money to afford some sort of house share.

[Lishy]

Walk I was not calling u out darling! I re-read what I wrote and it did sound kinda harsh but I promise it was not meant that way - I was just confused cos u had the car packed and I wondered if you had left!

 

You need to get away from him - Stop asking him his feelings on things and you need to stop contact for a few weeks to get the 'real you' back!

[Walk]

I know you weren't, I was trying to be funny. Does't work well for me right now... sorry.

 

I've gotta think for a bit. Thanks for the advice, comments. Need some air now.

[clandestinidad]

Theoretically he is meeting all my needs, so therefore I should meet all his needs. And if I don't meet all his needs, then I am the one not holding up my end of the bargain..?

 

Walk...he's meeting your financial needs, none of your others. And he's meeting thos financial needs b/c he has persuaded you, over a length of time, to become reliant on him....very controlling. Also, he makes you feel guilty about the finances and 'things' he provides, and reminds you that you will have nothing without him....abusive

 

On to the whole 'meeting all of his needs' part: You are striving with every ounce of yourself to meet ANY of his needs. At one time its supportive listening, at another its jumping through his sexual hoops, at another its catering to his clothing and coffee and food needs, etc etc.

 

He has trained you to behave like a puppy, I'm sorry to say so bluntly. He has trained you to try and cater to his IMPOSSIBLE demands/wishes. And the part that makes is even worse, is that when you do what he says he still beats you down (verbally/emotionally)...often times at the very same time that you're trying to meet that need.

 

Imagine this: A person has a 4 month old puppy. Puppies absolutely love their owners, and strive to please them and make them happy. This owner demands that the dog 'COME', so she comes, and he yells at her and hits her b/c she didnt come fast enough. Then later, he tells her to bring him the paper and then sit. After she does this, he kicks her and yells at her b/c she didnt carry the paper the proper way in her mouth, and wasnt sitting the way he wanted. Every time these things happen, the puppy feels confused b/c she did what he asked. Over time she feels worthless, cant do anything right, is afraid to do anything at all, is extremely self consious, thinks everything is wrong with her, cant function at normal activities, rarely smiles/laughs, has no strength to go on..........

 

I'm hoping that example will help illustrate for you what all of us see going on. It is actually much worse than that, however. He has twisted your mind soooo much. You are doing everything right, even more than ANY other woman I've ever known, and NOTHING will ever satisfy this controlling abusive guy. No one will ever meet his needs. His needs change as quickly as a snap, whenever it suits his desire to start a fight so that he can abuse you.

 

I'll try to say that in another way: He changes his needs all the time. One time its do ___, then its do ____, and other times its, well you didnt do it right, or but you only did it b/c ___. He's the one changing his 'needs', and manipulating the situation, and you, for the sick pleasure and power he feels from it. When he changes it, leaving you confused, it feels good to him b/c he's the one holding all the cards, he's in control. He's constantly making you jump through his hoops, derives pleasure seeing you try it, and then feels it when he shoots you down.

 

Then his multi-hour long lectures are one of his other methods in order to beat you down. From this he also feels in control and powerful. He uses manipulation tactics in order to make you think that the situation is your fault, or that he is justified b/c of ___ (work, jealousy, etc), justified b/c you didnt do it the 'right' way, or at the right time, or before or after a shower (remember how well he twisted that one?!?)

 

You HAVE been brainwashed. We are not lying to you. We know that you dont see it right now, and we are hoping that you see it soon. You are allowing him to have too much power over you...by that I'm talking about how he manipulates, beats you down, and controls you. He has too much power in your head....and your life....and you need to take it back.

 

From what you said about your exH, it kinda sounds like he was abusive too. Perhaps the reason you cant see these things as clearly as we all can is b/c youre used to it. Maybe you have allowed horrible "men" to skew your self-perception. You need to take it back.

 

This was all in response to what you said earlier....i'll keep reading and see if I want to add anything else

[JS17]

OMG I just came back to the thread. You're leaving Walk?

[cygny]

 

I thought I was wrong because I couldn't understand why I failed so often. I thought I was obviously just not getting "it". That I was deficent in something. And then it'd be okay for a while, and I'd think I finally got it. That I UNDERSTOOD, finally. I'd be so relieved. Than he'd hit me with it all over again. Start out with him not wanting me touching him, and then he'd get irritated over something I forgot, or did, or didn't do... and then he'd stop talking to me, but he'd buy me more stuff. More and more, until he blew up and then accused me of taking and taking and never trying to meet his sexual needs. After I tiptoed around him for days, humbly begging him to touch me, to come to bed with me, to want to have sex with me. It was always my fault. He'd tell me I have all the keys on how to act when he gets that way, but none of them work. Or at least not with any great success. He'll flat out refuse me for sex, and then two minutes later be mad that we haven't had sex in a WEEK. Doesn't matter that that day was the first day I'd seen him 5 days. That he'd been gone all week, and this was the first chance we had since the last time we had sex... didn't matter. He was mad, and it was my fault.

 

this guy is so messing with your head. he keeps putting you in a no-win situation just to hammer down your self-esteem. This is why you are being abused. if you don't leave now, you may get so low and intimidated and lose all your confidence that you will not have the emotional strength to leave. and the physical abuse will start. and i am completely and totally serious. if you care at all about yourself and your life, GET. OUT. NOW. your college has a housing office, they can get you a place and help you with a grant or loan. you need to be on your own and clear your head and concentrate on school. where you may just thrive and realize that you never want to see mr. trucker ever again.

 

i was involved with a controlling guy like this and when i started university (which he did help me get into) i realized that he was going to ruin it for me and within 2 weeks i broke up with him and never thought about him again. he actually slugged me when i told him.

[Lishy]

I am so very concerned about you honey

 

The thing is that I KNOW how you feel - I lived it too baby!!!!

 

I am so sorry if I sound like I am telling you what to do, I really dont mean to babe - I swear if I lived in the same country as you I would come and take you out of that toxic situation. Please think about getting out and then you will see it so much more clearly!

[Walk]

He text after I text him a message telling him in a not so nice way that I didn't do anything wrong, and he needs to figure out how to deal with his jealousy issues without tearing me down.

 

His several texts.. include some ego talk.. he asked if I knew what his worth was. I asked if he knew what mine was..he texts: "I know yours. It kept me around when you called me a liar to my face, when you told me to f*** off. When you quit your job and everything dropped into my lap. I know yours. When you've made me wait for what I wanted 'cause you weren't ready. You think you've busted your azz for this relationship, but what do I ask really ask for? Not much."

 

(Liar refers to post earlier about throwing 90% of bedroom talk out window.

Waiting refers, I think, to a sex act that I wasn't comfortable with but was willing to work at becoming comfortable with for him. I do enjoy it a lot now, and don't regret doing it.

And I told him f off one time about a year ago. I can't even remember why.. basically same argument as this one. I don't do enough, he does so much. I got mad and said F off, and bullsh*t, and that's bunk. My rationale was reduced to explatives.)

 

I replied: "I don't want to fight, we can talk if your rational. But I wanted to pay my share, you insisted no. You say hurtful things but I stay. I'm made to wait all the time."

 

he texts back: "So if everything I do say is so damn awful, then why do you stay? If I treat you like such crap, then why not leave my sorry azz?"

 

I tell him because I don't believe he realizes how much it hurts me, but if he does and it's all a lie, then I am gone.

 

He sent this while waiting for my reply to his above message: "And contrary to your opinion. I'm not just looking for a hole. When you don't try to arouse my desire for you, then it seems like all your offering is a hole. Cause that's all the effort you want to put forth. Why is it so wrong for me to want you to prove to me that what I want is important?"

 

I said it isn't, but when he's says an absolute No, and that money = sex. Then he's not saying he wants me for me. Only what he bought me for.

 

Another text: "According to you, you didn't do anything wrong. Which makes it all my fault, right? If that's the case, then you probably would be better off without me."

 

Then he ends it with: "I'm tired. I'm going to bed. I'm sorry you feel this way. Not just for me, but for you to. You need to figure out what's best for you. So do I... "

 

So this is an short representation of our "arguments", for the most part. I'm left feeling as if I'm just a prick. That really I'm selfish, and horrible because, damn... all the man wants is for me to be a little more sexually arousing, right? That so hard?

 

But then... he was the one who kept saying no to my advances, distances himself, and had said "your crowding me" the night before when I tried to hold his hand.

 

All it would've taken him is one iota of a suggestion that I should put something sexy on, or do something a little more exciting. A hint, a suggestion, one word. Instead, says no, and shuts me out. Stops talking to me.

 

and I f***ing broke my phone. I'm so mad at life right now!

[cygny]

Why are you continuing to torture and destroy yourself by going on with him? The more you fight the more drained you will feel. You are going around in circles and he is making you feel bad and guilty and more worthless when YOU are the one being mistreated and mind-f***ed!

 

You call yourself 'Walk'--is that because you know you have to? like, walk away?