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Relationship repair


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Lostinlove7721

My now ex left me and I felt it was because of her parents. They are narcissists and have issues with her sister in laws. 
 

Her mother and I had an amazing relationship until she found out we were going on a date. Over the 3 plus years they grew hate for me and I ultimately believe that is what has caused our divide. I see her periodically and she will stare at my car (can’t see in due to dark tints). She has looked as if she was going to cry every time I saw her. Even if I was in someone else’s car and she had no idea. 
 

how do I repair a frayed relationship with a narcissist so she can be happy again. I love her and miss her. Longest 4 months ever. 

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You say your ex left you because of her parents.   

What reason did your ex give for ending the relationship?  How long were you together for?   What reasons did her parents give for hating you?   How was it that you knew her mother before you took her on a date?    Why do you want your ex back when she chose her parents over you?

Edited by basil67
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Lostinlove7721
12 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You say your ex left you because of her parents.   

What reason did your ex give for ending the relationship?  How long were you together for?   What reasons did her parents give for hating you?   How was it that you knew her mother before you took her on a date?    Why do you want your ex back when she chose her parents over you?

We were together just over 3 years. She said it wasn’t working, although we didn’t fight. Her parents never gave a reason. Started because our age difference was the same as them. Then I was disrespectful because I didn’t stop and chat while I was crying. I worked with her mother. 
 

I see the sadness on her face. I care about her and miss her. I believe they gave her the option of me or getting evicted. 

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It would help if you gave us a proper story - it's impossible to comment with just these short grabs of information.   

For starters, tell us about your ages, your living situation, your goals, your jobs, what worked well for the two of you and what didn't work well.   If her parents never gave a reason, then how do you know they have anything to do with this?   Why were you crying in front of her parents?   Importantly, has your ex told you that she wants you back?   Please write at length

 

Edited by basil67
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Lostinlove7721
7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It would help if you gave us a proper story - it's impossible to comment with just these short grabs of information.   

For starters, tell us about your ages, your living situation, your goals, your jobs, what worked well for the two of you and what didn't work well.   If her parents never gave a reason, then how do you know they have anything to do with this?   Why were you crying in front of her parents?   Importantly, has your ex told you that she wants you back?   Please write at length

 

She is 33 and I am 41. We live 1.7 miles apart. She lives half a mile from my job. We lived together for a year, we ran into a financial issue and disagreement and opted to live separately. Since we split, we communicated 3 times. Each time she starts the conversation with “we could never be okay because of my parents”. She is a teacher and I work in law enforcement. Besides the financial issue, we never got in any arguments. We sucked at communicating. We were leaving our apartment that day and it was emotional. She has not as we don’t communicate. When she sees me driving, she will stop her car and stare. She has mental health issues and saw my car while going to her appointment. I was going to my friends house. She stood at the door trying to see into my car. Recently she began wearing my clothes again. I could be over thinking everything. 

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This financial issue was bad enough to stop the two of you from living together.  The two of you sucked at communicating.  She has mental health issues.   There's already enough here to cause a breakup.   

If this mysterious financial issue was your fault, and especially if it financially impacted her, that's a good reason for her parents to be wary of you.  

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As someone who has had all sorts of issues with a partner’s parents, allow me to tell you one truth: it’s never really about the parents. If your partner loves you and is happy in your relationship, she won’t quit no matter what her parents say. If she isn’t, she will break up with you whether her parents like you or not.

Of course, if we were talking about an 18 year old, then yes, parents’ opinion still has a huge influence, and such young people aren’t really capable of discerning the worth of their relationship anyway. But at the age of 33, nobody breaks up because of parents. Please don’t blame them and find a mature woman who knows what she wants and makes her own choices.

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ShyViolet

She is 33 years old, her parents don't control her life and make her decisions for her.  And if she is a 33 year old that actually lets her parents make her decisions for her, you need to ask whether that is someone who is emotionally mature enough to be in a relationship.

In any case, you cannot repair this relationship unless she wants that as well.  Which it doesn't sound like she is giving any concrete indication that she is interested in that.  Saying that you saw her "stare at your car" is a bit ridiculous and not enough reason to think this relationship is salvageable.

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