First Meetup

[ShyViolet]

6 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

It's hard to fathom anyone not driving, not least a man.  Growing up in semi-rural Idaho, learning to drive my uncle's truck at 13-years-old on his farm, it boggles my mind that people live in cities and even countries where driving is a luxury, or at least not a necessity.

You're viewing everything through the lens of where you live.  There are lots of other places where it's completely normal not to drive... regardless of gender.  Such as where I live.  These generalizations you are making about driving are not true in a lot of places.

[Trail Blazer]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

You're viewing everything through the lens of where you live.  There are lots of other places where it's completely normal not to drive... regardless of gender.  Such as where I live.  These generalizations you are making about driving are not true in a lot of places.

I would agree with you if I had only written the solitary paragraph you've quoted.  My post it its full context prefaced my own perspective and then expanded upon what the OP said about her date not driving.

I speculated (with no knowldge of where she lives) that it was still somewhat uncommon for someone not to drive, merely based off the tone of her post.  I could still be wrong, but if it actually was very common that people don't drive there, she wouldn't have even mentioned it.

[introverted1]

5 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

As for the menopause question, I had a conversation with him over the phone. I expressed my thoughts to him very clearly. 

He's an adult man who made the decision to ask you a wholly inappropriate question.  It doesn't matter if you made your thoughts clear; it doesn't change the person he is.  

Personally, I'd be put off by a man who asked for a neck massage on our first date (and again on the second).  I am not sure why you thought that was ok but that hand-holding was too soon.  

Overall, this seems like a guy who is going to make your world smaller.  He doesn't like to travel, carries some bitterness about previous women he's met online, and seems overly concerned about you meeting other men. Fast forward down the road and it's easy to see these behaviors playing out in an unhealthy way.

With regard to driving... is it that he doesn't have a car or does he in fact not have a license/not know how to drive? 

[SEASON_WINTER]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

He's an adult man who made the decision to ask you a wholly inappropriate question.  It doesn't matter if you made your thoughts clear; it doesn't change the person he is.  

Personally, I'd be put off by a man who asked for a neck massage on our first date (and again on the second).  I am not sure why you thought that was ok but that hand-holding was too soon.  

Overall, this seems like a guy who is going to make your world smaller.  He doesn't like to travel, carries some bitterness about previous women he's met online, and seems overly concerned about you meeting other men. Fast forward down the road and it's easy to see these behaviors playing out in an unhealthy way.

With regard to driving... is it that he doesn't have a car or does he in fact not have a license/not know how to drive? 

he used to own a car. I never ask when was that. He knows how to drive.

[Sony12]

Holding hands on the second date felt to fast? Are you sure you are ready for a physical relationship with someone?

[Gaeta]

7 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

Feeling comfortable and natural with someone over time seems to be a better foundation for connection. 

Do you know how many bad stories start with 'we had this great connection'. 

The con artists are masters at making us feel comfortable and natural.

Before trusting your level of comfort you need to trust your instinct, and your instinct had you post here for our opinion because your instinct is telling you something is off with this man.

[basil67]

8 hours ago, SEASON_WINTER said:

he used to own a car. I never ask when was that. He knows how to drive.

OK, so he can drive.  But you're still left with a man who chooses to not drive but grumbles when women asks for dates at places which are hard to get to by public transport.    With all the money he saves by not having a car, he could get use a cab for the final connection.  You're dating a huge cheapskate

Also, if you don't want to hold hands on the second date, then it's clear you don't feel any physical attraction to him.  And that's OK!   But don't waste his or your time on more dates.

[Alpacalia]

On 12/21/2024 at 5:44 AM, SEASON_WINTER said:

One awkward moment after the third meetup was when he asked if I was in menopause. I told him I felt uncomfortable, and he apologized multiple times, eventually addressing it in person the next day over phone.

Omg. That made me laugh. I'm guessing because you're not keen on giving him neck massages he's assigned it to menopause? 

[Acacia98]

On 12/22/2024 at 3:00 PM, introverted1 said:

Overall, this seems like a guy who is going to make your world smaller.  He doesn't like to travel, carries some bitterness about previous women he's met online, and seems overly concerned about you meeting other men. 

That first sentence really struck a chord.