I'm so angry at him - and at myself!!!

[CrazyHorse]

I'll try to make this as brief as possible.

 

Dan and I know each other through my best friend and her fiance. He's the fiance's best friend.

 

We've known each other for about 3 years. We slept together once over 2 years ago. Nothing happened after that.

 

In August '05, we slept together again. We nearly slept together again in September but both decided we shouldn't because we didn't want things to get messy, especially because of our close connections (my best friend, his best friend). He said he had too much respect for me and cared too much for me to have a FWB situation.

 

Not long after that, we were at a party together and we got very touchy feely. We didn't sleep together though.

 

Fast forward a month later: he rang me up out of the blue oneday and we met at his mates house. He asked if I'd like to come over and watch a movie. He said that anytime I'd like company I can just call him. If ever I want to watch a movie or something, I can just call him. If I'm bored at work, I can just call him. You get the picture. So I went over his house that night, one thing led to another and we slept together. That week, I sent him a text at work because I was bored and his reply was very nonchalant. I shrugged it off because for starters, he's one of the moodiest people I know.

 

A few weeks later he again told me if I ever want to watch a movie or anything, I know where he is.

 

Early December, we were at a party together and he practically ignored me the whole night because there was another girl there who he was too busy talking to. We both sort of know her (she's the best female friend of my friend's fiance).

 

We slept together on Christmas Eve. Everything was fine and dandy.

 

Fast forward NYE: this girl was at their party. Again, he acted differently around me and practically brushed me off.

 

Tonight, I found out that they went to the pub together today. She went back to his place later. I asked my friend what's going on between them and she said nothing is. He has a soft spot for her because she's doing it tough at the moment. Whatever. You can't tell me that he's not going to try and get in her pants too. Stupid @rse that he is.

 

Why am I so hurt by this? This guy is meant to be a friend of mine. We're not exclusive and for so many reasons (including the fact that he uses rec drugs too much and he's moody as hell) we will never be. But I'm still hurt. I thought we were coming somewhere with our friendship. Recently, we've had some really great discussions and spent some time together, without having sex and now he just brushes me off. It's like the novelty of me has worn off.

 

I know that someone like that doesn't deserve my time or my friendship but it still hurts. I feel that he doesn't have respect for me at all. I feel that he doesn't really see me as a friend but as a shag. He's so hot and cold with me it's ridiculous. I asked my friend oneday what the hell is his problem and she said that when he thinks it could become more, he backs right off. He also tends to treat his best mate like cr*p when he's in a mood. He'll ignore him for a couple of weeks if he's got the poops.

 

I'm so angry and upset, not just with him but with me for getting myself into this situation. I really hate him right now and I know I'm going to struggle to not be cold to him when I see him next. I was in tears tonight. Why, when he's clearly such a s***?!

[Fun2BMe]

I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. Try not to feel so much hatred towards him, it'll only make you feel worse. Chances are he IS sleeping with your best friend's fiance's female best friend. It sounds like he's doing to her what he did to you and brushes you off whenever she's around because now it's her turn to have a round with him.

 

His inviting you for a "movie" any time you want to seems like a code to sleep with you, and now that he's moved on to someone else, you are hurting, even though you did not expect for things to develop into anything serious anyways. I guess what hurts is the fact that you were beginning to feel a friendship with him, but possibly in the meantime started to develop some more feelings, and it hurts to see him with another girl...

 

That was rude of him to draw you in and then respond so nonchalantly to your text. I don't know if it will be a good idea for you to act cold the next time you see him, as tempting as that option seems at the moment. It will validate to him that you really do have feelings for him to have gotten upset that he is no longer sleeping with you. He has treated you badly by leading you on, telling you to come over, call and so on, but leaves you in the dark now that this other girl is in his life.

 

Take comfort that his actions are partly a result to his use of drugs. If he was sober he wouldn't be taking you for granted the way he is and treating you this poorly. You say he is very moody, most likely from the drugs he is doing. I think his judgement is also impaired, but all of these things are no excuse to ignore you now that he's hanging out with the other girl, after showering you with so much attention.

 

I guess this is the risk you take when you get physically and to an extent emotionally involved with someone you do not have a committed relationship with. In reality he is free to see whoever he wants to, at least that has been clear from the beginning, so it will make you look like you can't handle what you put on your plate if you start to give him the cold shoulder.

 

I would suggest you be indifferent towards him and not give him the attention you used to so that he will know what the consequences are of treating you this badly. I wouldn't act cold or mean but instead keep a distance and be cool towards him until you are strong enough to not let him get to you, then meet someone who doesn't do drugs and try to develop a new relationship which will also help to get your mind off this loser! Don't cry over him, really. He's not worth it.