Sony12 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 2 minutes ago, KentuckyEsq said: I definitely wouldn't share photos. But if confronted, I would perhaps tell him there was more to it than I'm sure what she's telling him. The future planning, the talk of marriage, soulmates etc. I miss her (or the fantasy we had) so much If confronted all you would say was that you're sorry. You are just as guilty in this situation as she is. You knew she was married and you willingly went along with it. If she had been lying to you about the fact that she was married you might have more room to stand on. But she was honest with you about that part and because of that you look just as bad as she does. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Chrysalis Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 (edited) 8 hours ago, BaileyB said: You are still sitting on the sidelines waiting to get called into the game… Exactly. And when she says things like "I don't want to be," that's her way of trying to soften the blow at best, and keeping you on the hook "just in case" at worst. But, it's mostly the former. You said, "I guess you're done" and instead of saying "Yes, I'm sorry," she said "I don't want to be." That was because she feels guilty about hurting you in all of this. She genuinely doesn't want you to be hurt. But, she falsely giving you hope. She's choosing her husband, if he'll have her, while trying to keep you from being hurt or, worse for her, being mad at her. And, I agree with Sony. This is why we stay out of other people's marriages, even when invited in. Edited January 6 by Miss Chrysalis Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 2 minutes ago, Miss Chrysalis said: And, I agree with Sony. This is why we stay out of other people's marriages, even when invited in. I follow true crime cases and trust me a good portion of those cases happened because someone was being unfaithful. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Chrysalis Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 1 minute ago, Sony12 said: I follow true crime cases and trust me a good portion of those cases happened because someone was being unfaithful. Totally. I'm also obsessed with true crime :). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 4 hours ago, Sony12 said: @Kentuckyesq this whole thing is turning into a big mess. You don't want to deal with this anymore with this type of drama. People get hurt or killed when there is infidelity drama like this and the spouse has found out about it. Be smart and just completely walk away from the situation and tell this lady not to contact you again. She is clearly not trustworthy and has clearly been lying to both you and her spouse. In the future don't get involved with married women. There are plenty of women who are legally divorced that are looking for someone to date. And absolutely do not share photos you have of you two. Doing something like that would be extremely immature of you. The H actually called me (she had emailed again saying he was going to and asked me to lie for her again). I did not. He essentially blames me for it all and said I owed to him to let him know when she first started being flirty 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 4 hours ago, Sony12 said: If confronted all you would say was that you're sorry. You are just as guilty in this situation as she is. You knew she was married and you willingly went along with it. If she had been lying to you about the fact that she was married you might have more room to stand on. But she was honest with you about that part and because of that you look just as bad as she does. I know I look just as bad, but I shouldn't look worse Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 (edited) 1 hour ago, KentuckyEsq said: The H actually called me (she had emailed again saying he was going to and asked me to lie for her again). I did not. He essentially blames me for it all and said I owed to him to let him know when she first started being flirty You are lucky he is not going over to your place and giving you a knuckle sandwich...... or worse. Edited January 6 by Sony12 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Chrysalis Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 1 hour ago, KentuckyEsq said: The H actually called me (she had emailed again saying he was going to and asked me to lie for her again). I did not. He essentially blames me for it all and said I owed to him to let him know when she first started being flirty So your affair partner is asking you to lie for her to help her save her marriage? You do see how incredibly selfish this woman is, right? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 4 minutes ago, Sony12 said: You are lucky he is not going over to your place and giving you a knuckle sandwich...... or worse. Maybe. But I'll say this. I don't just turn the other cheek. I would fight back Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 3 minutes ago, Miss Chrysalis said: So your affair partner is asking you to lie for her to help her save her marriage? You do see how incredibly selfish this woman is, right? I do now 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 6 Author Share Posted January 6 8 minutes ago, S2B said: Then tell him the truth! he deserves to know who he is married to. She is a cheater and a liar. Tell him. I tried to. All I got was blamed then he hung up on me. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted January 6 Share Posted January 6 45 minutes ago, KentuckyEsq said: I tried to. All I got was blamed then he hung up on me. Make sure you lock your doors at night. This guy likely knows where you live. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Chrysalis Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 3 hours ago, S2B said: And she didn’t leave him either! She didn’t file for divorce! she went on vacation WITH HIM! she chose her husband! that means you are NOT her priority! she let YOU know what her plan is - to stay married AND have you as her side piece. I'm not sure the going on vacation was for HIM more than it was for the kids. I do get her still doing that (for the sake of the kids) regardless of her ultimate decision. It's not like it was a romantic couples cruise. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 7 Author Share Posted January 7 3 minutes ago, Miss Chrysalis said: I'm not sure the going on vacation was for HIM more than it was for the kids. I do get her still doing that (for the sake of the kids) regardless of her ultimate decision. It's not like it was a romantic couples cruise. Yes it was Disney world Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 OP, what is your take on this woman now? Now that the curtain has been pulled back and you're seeing what she is made of? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 19 hours ago, KentuckyEsq said: He essentially blames me for it all and said I owed to him to let him know when she first started being flirty (a) he blames all on you -- because that's what his wife had been telling him. She has been walking on two paths. Telling you that you're the one and downplaying her marriage. In the meantime telling him that he's the true love and downplaying the affair. In her stories you probably started it all. (b) owed to him -- no you don't. He's a stragner and we should not expect from strangers to talk to us about our spouses. Strangers don't owe us anything. Just get out of the situation already man. I appreciate how sweet it feels to be in love, but there's absolutely no hope here. The family vacation says all. Women who are getting ready for a divorce do not go on vacations with their STBX for old times sake. They wait for their husbands to leave the home and use that opportunity to either prepare for or execute the move. Very, very different energy. Then her behavior upon getting caught underlines the choice she's already made. She's not ready to leave the marriage and you cannot assume that she will be at any other point in time. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 18 hours ago, Sony12 said: You are lucky he is not going over to your place and giving you a knuckle sandwich...... or worse. Why does no one ever tell women who come here who are in affairs that this can happen to them? Married women can get just as violent as men when another woman is having sex with their husbands. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 1 hour ago, Will am I said: (a) he blames all on you -- because that's what his wife had been telling him. She has been walking on two paths. Telling you that you're the one and downplaying her marriage. In the meantime telling him that he's the true love and downplaying the affair. In her stories you probably started it all. This is correct. He blames it all on you because she did. She has told him that you chased her so hard, she tried to resist over and over again and then finally gave in to you. This is typical for cheating men and women. The cheating men do the same thing once they are caught. They blame it all on the woman. I would tell him the awful truth about who he is married to. It's very doubtful that you are her first affair. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 7 Author Share Posted January 7 1 minute ago, stillafool said: This is correct. He blames it all on you because she did. She has told him that you chased her so hard, she tried to resist over and over again and then finally gave in to you. This is typical for cheating men and women. The cheating men do the same thing once they are caught. They blame it all on the woman. I would tell him the awful truth about who he is married to. It's very doubtful that you are her first affair. I tried to tell him; he didn't want to hear it. I even told him I have the "receipts" as in tens of thousands of texts and emails going back to the beginning. He eventually hung up on me. Part of me wants to reach out again, but I am hopeful I told him enough (e.g. that it had been going on for 1 1/2 yrs., that she has been asking me to lie for her, and that she called me her soulmate, future husband, love of her life, etc.). At this point I want her to feel as bad as I do. Surely, the relationship dynamic in their home is not one of bliss. I think at one point in time (and I did half heartedly try to end it a couple of times) I would have wished her happiness, but now that she's thrown me under the bus to save her own skin and then asked me to lie for her, broke me. Also, f*** her H too as he wanted to lecture me for not reaching out to him (I know him peripherally, but not close to him) to let him know. All the while, he was saying "I love my wife, but she's a manipulator and is able to easily manipulate me, etc. as if that absolves her of any blame and places it all on me. So, though I won't contact him, if he contacts me again I'll share even more details, including photos if he wants to see them. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 7 Author Share Posted January 7 The email that pushed me over the top was the out of the blue one from yesterday that said "Please please please tell him that our last contact was December 16th and it was a brief email. He's going to call you." I told her "I'm not covering for you this time. You're trying to save your own skin." She replied that she was only trying to keep him from being upset with me. WTF does that even mean? My final message was "bull**** you're only looking out for yourself." No contact since then but I'd love to know what happened between them next. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 Like I said, to her husband she's downplaying the affair in all dimensions. It didn't amount to much, it didn't get physical, it was shorter than it really was, the last contact was ages ago, he approached me, I wasn't looking but he persisted, I was drunk, ... all the stuff people say to make it seem smaller and less relevant to their spouse now. She probably talked about her marriage in much the same manner when she was talking to you. It was never good from the start, we're essentially roommates, last intimacy was years ago, ... 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 1 hour ago, KentuckyEsq said: I tried to tell him; he didn't want to hear it. Trust me, your words are sitting on his mind like an anvil. He's in denial phase because he wants to keep his marriage. Soon reality will hit him, and I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't contact you again. He's going to think: why would he lie and say things to me that would anger me more rather than to downplay it the way she did to lesson my anger? Then he will want to hear more. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 7 Author Share Posted January 7 (edited) I guess what hurts more than anything is that none of what she said was apparently true and, I being a trusting person or blinded by the idea of bliss, fell for it. My dumb ass thought she was everything I ever wanted and the first person I truly connected with mind, body and soul. Edited January 7 by KentuckyEsq Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 (edited) 50 minutes ago, KentuckyEsq said: I guess what hurts more than anything is that none of what she said was apparently true and, I being a trusting person or blinded by the idea of bliss, fell for it. My dumb ass thought she was everything I ever wanted and the first person I truly connected with mind, body and soul. That’s the lesson here for you. There is something to be learned in every experience - about yourself, about relationships, about life. Your happiness was never to be found in a woman married to another man. Edited January 7 by BaileyB 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Author KentuckyEsq Posted January 7 Author Share Posted January 7 9 minutes ago, BaileyB said: That’s the lesson here for you. There is something to be learned in every experience - about yourself, about relationships, about life. Your happiness was never to be found in a woman married to another man. Of course, the logical side of me knows this. Who wouldn't? The emotional side of me won out...per usual. And I quickly caught feelings and fell hard. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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