AP's spouse Just Discovered Affair

[basil67]

You've got all these revenge fantasies.  If you'd started this completely unaware that she was married, you'd have a much stronger case for doing this.   But as it stands, you knew she was married and made a conscious choice to participate in the cheating.   You're just as much at fault as she is, and you don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to justifying revenge

[stillafool]

Do you know for certain that he found out about the affair? She could be lying about that in order to slow down the affair.

[spiritedaway2003]

On 12/23/2024 at 10:45 AM, KentuckyEsq said:

In her "goodbye" email last Thursday (I haven't heard from her since) she indicated that her H asked her to not have anymore contact with me. He also asked if we had had any communication since DDay. She told him only one time when I emailed her to check to see if she was "ok." This was a total lie as she had begun emailing me within hours of discovery and emailed me during her entire vacation. Also, as they were driving back from the airport late last Sunday night ( I suppose he was busy driving and she was in the back seat) she emailed me stating that there was a detour and their new route would take her right by my house. Who does that s*** while 3 feet away from their spouse? Then she had the nerve to tell him there had been no contact other than me contacting her to see if she was ok. I was thrown under the bus and I am of a mind to contact H (I have his number) and fill him in on EVERYTHING. I have the receipts---thousands and thousands of emails/texts and hundreds of photos. Or should I just let it be, not hurt him anymore than he is and let her portray herself as the victim? I truly think if he knew the whole truth he'd kick her to the curb. Is this a bad plan of action, to tell him everything? 

Yes that is a bad plan of action.  Because you're a biased party, there is no way to determine your motives anymore.  You could be sincere in telling the truth for the sake of truth, which you aren't.  You could be telling him because you want her to separate from him by exposing the affair, or you just want to hurt them both because she's hurt you.  Either way, thread carefully.  He could hurt you for sleeping with his wife.

Pay attention to her action.  If you are who she says you are (her future), this is the time she would choose to leave.  It does take some time for that process to happen because it's common that one party will want to see if there is still anything left to salvage in the marriage or if it's totally run its course. I will just say this -- going on a vacation doesn't seem to be the kind of action I'd expect from someone who is leaving.   Physically separating would be the first step if she is serious at all about leaving.  

Edited December 25, 2024 by spiritedaway2003