luvtoto Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 This is a quote I copied from another thread...."But if you're willing to be humble enough to accept that others in your life, including people here, have spotted an issue that you need help with - and agree to get that help and do the work that a therapist will give you, then you'll find that you'll be able to have happy relationships." I am 37 yrs old single mother with two kids. I have had one bad relationship after another my entire life. The last attempt at a "relationship" I had was with a guy that was just trying to be my friend. I couldn't even get that right. We are now not even talking, because I drove him so far away. I am ok with that...I am used to people leaving. It almost feels comfortable and expected. I've been told that I have extreme trust issues. I've already tried about 3 consistent years of therapy...didn't make a difference obviously. How does a person go about fixing that issue so that they can be happy?!?! Has anyone else experienced this problem? My signature is quite ironic...wouldn't you say?? But I wish I could be like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 You'll have to say more about why people leave or what the therapists said and why it didn't work. There are a couple personality disorders that are notoriously difficult to treat - mostly because the people with the disorders refuse to believe they are in any way to blame for what happens to them. Could you have one of them? Is it that you're insecure? Paranoid? Obsessive? Need more info to go on here. Link to post Share on other sites
JayKay Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 Did something happen to you during childhood that created these severe trust issues? Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted January 8, 2006 Author Share Posted January 8, 2006 You'll have to say more about why people leave or what the therapists said and why it didn't work. There are a couple personality disorders that are notoriously difficult to treat - mostly because the people with the disorders refuse to believe they are in any way to blame for what happens to them. Could you have one of them? Is it that you're insecure? Paranoid? Obsessive? Need more info to go on here. Sorry for the vague post. I'll try to go into detail some more.... I was raised by my father and a bitch of a step mother. My biological mother had an affair during their marriage. She divorced him to marry this "other man". She abandoned me when I was 3 months old. I never had a relationship with my biological mother until 3 years ago when I decided to meet her. She is still married to the "other man". They both decided to take me out to lunch where they told me that her husband was my biological father. After finding out the truth...I remember thinking to myself that that explained everything!!! The father & step mother that raised me knew!! I do not talk to them today because they treated me like ****. Never felt wanted or welcome in their house. They both always treated me like an outcast in the family. They had other kids in the house and they were worshipped and doted on. Came time for my brother's birthday's...they would both get a brand new bike. When it was my birthday, thinking...hey! I'm getting a new bike!...I **** you not...my dad told me that there were two new bikes in the garage..go ride those. Same story when I became 16 with the car, too. My family would support my brother's sports, but never showed up in the crowds for mine....ever. It's like they wrote me off way before I was out of the house. I just decided to lock myself up in my bedroom to avoid my family. I never questioned my families rejection. I just figured I was bad. Not knowing why I was such a dissappointment. I tried to reach out to my biological family, but my mother is abusive and she has been stalking me. I came close to taking a protection order out on her. My therapist told me...along with all my friends...and even my own kids...that I am waaaay too hard on myself. This "scapegoat-ism" mentallity that I've had my whole life is running my life! I am unable to develop healthy bonds with people. This last guy that I was friends with spent a year or so trying to build me up. He wanted to prove to me that people can indeed be trusted. I got frustrated trying to tear down my walls...he lost respect for me and I was right there saying..."See! Haha! You can't be trusted!!" I am no longer talking with him. I treated him like ****. I feel like ****. How do I get over this "second class citizen" persona my parents dubbed me with? I will live with it my whole life...I am sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 OK, you'll need to read up on 'self-parenting'. Essentially, you have to do for you what your folks never did. There's stuff on the web about it as well as books. But you have to commit to doing the work that's recommended and believing in it. You can't keep this 'I know I'll always be this way' mentality because right there you sabotage yourself. People can change - IF they want to. So you can't pay lip service to it. You can't allow yourself to cop out by saying 'I can't be fixed'. You can. Everybody can. People turn their lives around - when they genuinely WANT to. You might also want to read some books by Albert Ellis who teaches how we sabotage ourselves by the way we think - and how to change that. You might need to do some self-parenting work first, though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted January 8, 2006 Author Share Posted January 8, 2006 I have been trying to better myself...but basically...I think I am just getting better at hiding my faults. I don't have any unhealthy, controlling people in my life now. I booted them out the door. Now, I am trying to develop friendships with healthier people. I thought it would get better if I was more selective with the type of people I let in my life. Now, after our friendships develop, I start thinkin'..."hey, what the hell are you being my friend for?! Why are they so nice to me? I ain't nobody special." I had a year long healthy relationship with my guy friend...but, one day, subconsiously, I just ruined it. As I was being a jerk to him...and ruining things between us...I was trying to stop it. It's like I am not in control of my emotions here!! I feel hopeless...because, no matter how much I want to change, something inside of me just keeps destroying things. I am not in charge! I want to apologize to my guy friend...but, he is better off without me. I figure I'm doing him a favor. Well, gonna go google 'self-parenting'......... Link to post Share on other sites
Author luvtoto Posted January 8, 2006 Author Share Posted January 8, 2006 Just spent some time reading up on a self-parenting website. Wow. It's like they wrote the website for me personally. If anyone's interested...google "Joy2MeU". That will get you to where I am at. Thank you!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 You're welcome and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
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