sleeping with seattle Posted August 6, 2001 Share Posted August 6, 2001 o.k. (aplogies to all the men out there) but i feel like a dude. i have no idea why the hell i do this. i am currently involved with someone and i like him yet i still cheat...the absolute love of my life whom our relation ship ended in feb...cheated on him. i'm not sure why...i was never abused or anything like that when i was younger...i mean...have i been cheated on too much?...fear of intimacy?...do i have low self esteem? i really don't feel like i do...i am 99% happy...am i gay?...or am i just a slut?...i really don't understand it...any sugestions beacuse it is getting in the way of my relationships and not to mention dangerous...which i am careful but good lord i don't even trust my self. me and the guy i am dating now have been toghther a month and i have cheated on him three times...that is crazy. and i know i should just dump him but it is like i know he isn't the one so i am still looking, but that is how i feel with every guy i date. except the guy i broke up with in feb., i just knew he didn't feel that i was THE one for him. so any sugestions would help alot thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Mojo Posted August 6, 2001 Share Posted August 6, 2001 hi there, the one thing i would advise you to do is not get involved with anybody right now, until you can in all honesty say that you have enough self-control to not cheat. only you can figure out the reasons why you cheat. do you reach a certain point in relationships where you feel you need to cheat? or perhaps you just aren't ready to settle down with one person yet? there are people who feel the need to sow their wild oats before settling down. there is nothing wrong with that, unless of course you sowing your oats while you are involved with another person...which is exactly what you are doing. the only reason it is getting in the way of relationships is because you are letting it. if you feel that you would like to explore lots of people, then don't get involved with anyone. if this is not the case, then by all means, find a guy who you really enjoy being with, but restrain yourself. a little bit of self-control never hurt anybody. not excercising self-control can hurt many including yourself. and yes, you should dump this guy you are with now. so what if he's not the one? he still doesn't deserve to have a cheating girlfriend. imagine how you would feel? you imply you have been cheated on before, so think back to how that felt. even if it didn't really hurt you, it doesn't mean it won't emotionally destroy someone else. most people are devestated when they find out their partner has cheated on them. it's all a matter of respect and principles. keep dating until oneday you do find "the one". don't settle for second best in the meantime, and treat them with disrespect because you can't restrain yourself. you obviously don't sound ready to settle with one person, so don't do it. the time will come oneday when you are ready, but you have some issues to work out before you can take that step. best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
sleeping with seattle Posted August 6, 2001 Share Posted August 6, 2001 thanks i appreciate it, i think it is because i have been cheated on by someone that i thought was totally for me but when i realized for darn good reasons that it wasn't the best of situations it literally made me sick and now all i want is him back and i guess i could have that but i have to remember the he will hurt me just like he did last time, so we remain friends my i see him and i fall back in and he knows this. the guy i am seeing now we started as friends and spent so much time together we just assumed the roles of b/f g/f we don't even have sex. i have a son that he is close to and it is more of a friend type relationship between us now we are like at a stand still and i don't think either one of us is happy but we don't know how or if we can go back to being friends and i don't think either one of us want to lose that so i don't even feel bad about cheating on him to me he is my friend and i can't be honet with him because i don't want to jepordize thing Link to post Share on other sites
Marzipan Posted August 6, 2001 Share Posted August 6, 2001 Dear Sleeping, I think maybe what you're doing has a lot to do with your break up in Feb. I think you really liked that guy and maybe you thought he was the one (like many of us out there!) and then he broke your heart. I think now you may be beginning to realize your self worth and that you are attractive,etc and so this is all very exciting for you. You are in this time when people notice you and things are starting to happen for you, it's okay to enjoy that but if you are dating someone and exclusively having a sexual relationship with them then you do owe it to them to be honest. The only thing that is hard to understand is the situation with the guy you are currently seeing. Are you with him because you're afraid of being alone? If you know that he is not, "the one" then why prolong that any further? You might end up hurting him in the end. I think you do owe it to your current partner to be honest about things, because although you say you are being careful sometimes things can still happen and then who will be to blame? It sounds a lot like what you're doing has a large part to do with the way your guy broke up w/you in Feb. My ex broke up with me going on two months now and sometimes I think I act a certain way or do a certain thing as a sort of retaliation for the way things ended w/him. I never used to smoke however since we broke up, I've smoked from time to time and find I enjoy it. It's not something I'd recommend, it's just an example. Maybe you just need to be by yourself for a while to enjoy this lifestyle. I don't necessarily think this makes you a "slut" or something, I just think you need a break from relationships to figure out what you really want. Think about it. I don't know if I have helped you at all but I hope things work out for your. Marz o.k. (aplogies to all the men out there) but i feel like a dude. i have no idea why the hell i do this. i am currently involved with someone and i like him yet i still cheat...the absolute love of my life whom our relation ship ended in feb...cheated on him. i'm not sure why...i was never abused or anything like that when i was younger...i mean...have i been cheated on too much?...fear of intimacy?...do i have low self esteem? i really don't feel like i do...i am 99% happy...am i gay?...or am i just a slut?...i really don't understand it...any sugestions beacuse it is getting in the way of my relationships and not to mention dangerous...which i am careful but good lord i don't even trust my self. me and the guy i am dating now have been toghther a month and i have cheated on him three times...that is crazy. and i know i should just dump him but it is like i know he isn't the one so i am still looking, but that is how i feel with every guy i date. except the guy i broke up with in feb., i just knew he didn't feel that i was THE one for him. so any sugestions would help alot thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Lila Posted August 6, 2001 Share Posted August 6, 2001 I used to cheat on my ex because he stopped giving me the attention and affection that I wanted from him. I have found that people cheat when there is something important to them missing from teh relationship. Maybe they don't give you the things that are important to you. Or, maybe you are not totally into them but are holding onto them for the wrong reason: i.e. in the comfort zone, just used to the person, scared that you can't find someone better, etc. Just rememeber that in the end, cheating is not worth it, either you or your significant other will get hurt. If you want to play the field, then don't get seriously involved with any one person, jsu casually date, but use protection! Stay single for a while, get it out your system, and if you do meet someone special, be fair to yourself and give it a try. Afterall, being in a healthy, monagomous, loving relationship is a beautiful thing that we all deserve. o.k. (aplogies to all the men out there) but i feel like a dude. i have no idea why the hell i do this. i am currently involved with someone and i like him yet i still cheat...the absolute love of my life whom our relation ship ended in feb...cheated on him. i'm not sure why...i was never abused or anything like that when i was younger...i mean...have i been cheated on too much?...fear of intimacy?...do i have low self esteem? i really don't feel like i do...i am 99% happy...am i gay?...or am i just a slut?...i really don't understand it...any sugestions beacuse it is getting in the way of my relationships and not to mention dangerous...which i am careful but good lord i don't even trust my self. me and the guy i am dating now have been toghther a month and i have cheated on him three times...that is crazy. and i know i should just dump him but it is like i know he isn't the one so i am still looking, but that is how i feel with every guy i date. except the guy i broke up with in feb., i just knew he didn't feel that i was THE one for him. so any sugestions would help alot thanks Link to post Share on other sites
champagne Posted August 6, 2001 Share Posted August 6, 2001 Hey, I've had the same problem in past relationships. I finally figured out that I should be single. So for a while I was single until I met the man I'm with now. I didn't cheat on him for 2 years (which is an accomplishment for me), until just recently. I figure that I must just not be ready for a relationship, or maybe I give in to my desires too easy. Which ever of the 2 are correct, I feel that I should be alone and try to find what and who it is I want (if that is possible). I think maybe you should just sit back and look at what it is that causes this and really analyze yourself from an outside perspective. Maybe you'll realize the same thing that I did. o.k. (aplogies to all the men out there) but i feel like a dude. i have no idea why the hell i do this. i am currently involved with someone and i like him yet i still cheat...the absolute love of my life whom our relation ship ended in feb...cheated on him. i'm not sure why...i was never abused or anything like that when i was younger...i mean...have i been cheated on too much?...fear of intimacy?...do i have low self esteem? i really don't feel like i do...i am 99% happy...am i gay?...or am i just a slut?...i really don't understand it...any sugestions beacuse it is getting in the way of my relationships and not to mention dangerous...which i am careful but good lord i don't even trust my self. me and the guy i am dating now have been toghther a month and i have cheated on him three times...that is crazy. and i know i should just dump him but it is like i know he isn't the one so i am still looking, but that is how i feel with every guy i date. except the guy i broke up with in feb., i just knew he didn't feel that i was THE one for him. so any sugestions would help alot thanks Link to post Share on other sites
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