My girlfriend and I broke up am I at fault?

[chingito22]

 

 

I apologize for the long post, but im going crazy, so it all started when i started going out with her casually 2 years ago when we met through mutual friends, she has a daughter by the way she is 20 im 31 when we first met i instantly fell head over heels, but my friend who knew her said she was trouble and she had a high body count also said to stay away from her because all that because she wasnt loyal needles to say i didnt listen. so when we were going out casually thats when i began to see the gaslighting, we first stopped talking because once we went camping as Fwb and she thought i was hitting on this other girl which i was not, but she didnt say anything until she hooked up with another guy in a different tent and i said why did you bring me along if you werent gonna be with me. then she mentioned the other girl gaslighting me for no reason, blamed me and blocked me, about 3 weeks later i missed her and i took her to a festival and we kinda started to go out again but now as a couple for like 2 months. this whole time she was always secretive of her phone i always suspected she wasnt loyal to me because she would lie and we would only see each other like twice a week because she lived a little far.

 

fast foward when i broke up with her last year we went to a rave, we went together with her friends i was gonna take her home and she said "my friends are going to leave me at my house" which i knew it was bullshit and she ended up going to another party without me then 15 mins later she kissed another girl for a selfie and i got pissed and broke up with her. then instantly gaslighting me through text. we stopped talking for like 2 weeks and she started messaging me and we started to reconnected we went to another rave "before we actually started talking about getting back together) and she kissed another girl infront of me got pissed left her there. next day i had to apologize for leaving her there and we agreed to have an opened relashionship. tbh i only agreed cause i didnt want to lose her. my only condition was that i didnt want her to do anythign with someone else infront of me. which fastfoward to 6 months later i went to pick her up for a date she told me be here at 8 and she was making out with some dude infront of her house, i dumped her again. she sent me romantic video like 2 weeks later on my birthday fell for it and we started going out again. she apologize and said the guy she was making out here followed her home and insisted and i know her, and i know if she doesnt want to she doesnt let anyone do that, so i figured she did it on purpose, SHE never takes accontability for anything, never said my fault only blamed the guy, so we got back together more serious and became a couple,

 

thats when the real trouble start thats where i want to know if it really was my fault because she kept saying i didn't appreciate her and i was lucky to have her. she also said to unfollow every girl on instagram because why are you following them. she looked through my phone, her phone was always on do not disturbed when she was with me, her ex (her baby daddy) would somtimes spend the night at her house because of her daughter which she always said stop being jealous, she asked for my live location on whatsapp alot because she didnt trust when i never gave her reasons to do so, she yelled at me and got angry for every little thing, like once i sent her my location instead of live location by accident and she went off. so this weekend she went to a rave with her friends which she originally invited me to then univted me for some reasons which was suspicious to me and she told me to pick her up at 4am after it was done, i went out that night with some friends and she got mad because i didnt send live location the whole night, when she was ready to go home she said "babe im going to sleep over at my friends house. so i was like okey i trust you, and then 2 hours later she was spamming my phone to come pick her up, i didnt pick up because it was 4am and i was asleep and she got so mad, because she said if you love someone you always thinking about them and theres no way i didnt pick up at 4-5 am (note also some things she got mad over which is the part where i want to ask you guys if it was really my fault) i would sometimes not answer my phone when i was watching tv or playing games, and she got mad because she thinks i didnt care about her, and what if it was an emergecy she cant count on me. when im not the type of person thats always on the phone, max i would answer her back like after 20 mins.

 

so tonight we broke up, i went pick her up to go get some coffee and she was already mad when i picked her up because i didnt pick her up from the rave at 4 am the day earlier, so we went to get some donuts i parked in the wrong spot by accident and thats when she went off completely i even got so scared she started saying if its not one thing its another thing with you, you're a narcist and dont care about peoples feelings she started calling me a dumbass a f***ing idiot, to take her back to my house, and to this point i was so done, so i took her back to her house, before we got there she said let me get out here to get some donuts for my daughter so i went back, and thats where i parked the car so she could go out and she completely went off even harder, i started telling her to look how you are behaving then she started saying "there you go again acting like a victim if i dont scream then you dont know im hurting"(she said this soooo loud all the neighbours came outside to check, she got out of the car, took a bottle of beer for 1 gallon smashed it on the floor as hard as she could (her 3 year old daughter was in the back seat the whole time she was going off) slammed my car door insanely hard took her daughter and left, and i was just in shock at what i just witnessed the neighbours thought i hit her or something so i left. i go home and she calls me tell her she forgot her baby towels. when i get home she started going off saying youre not gonna find someone better than me i can't belive how many times i told you to treat me right and to pick up your phone blah blah i never want to see you again. and i told her "i could say alot of things but im not going too i hope you realize all i did for you(I PAID FOR EVERYTHING LITERALLY FOR EVERYTHING, trips concerts, her groseries, presents, everytime we went out i paid) i will always love you but i cant anymore i really wish you luck, im not gonna block you incase you need anything. so another note she does drugs, she smokes weed everyday and also does other hard drugs sometimes. she has mental issues i offered to pay for her therapy but she kept postponing it.

 

and this is where i went to know am i really to blame for this? all this time i kept thinking she was a narcists now im not sure if its really my fault, for being "uninterested" as she said when i gave her all the attention she was my everything i just wasnt on the phone all the time. i already miss her and its only been a couple of hours and i worry about her so much, because i know she is unstable, takes drugs and drinks a lot. Im afraid she will end up in trouble but i cant do it anymore, we talked about living together. all the plans . but i feel she treats me worse than dirt. i left some stuff so it wouldnt be too long but i would really love your feedback redditors im going insane for falling in love so hard with someone younger than me

[Gebidozo]

No, it’s not your fault that you weren’t on the phone 24/7, and it’s not your fault that she is obviously an emotional abuser. It is, however, your fault that you were tolerating her abusive behavior for so long and kept going back to her.

Well, now she is out of your life, use the opportunity and don’t repeat your mistakes. Break off all contact with her, fill your life with work, friends, hobbies, anything and everything but her.  You don’t miss her, you miss the high of being in love, but you’ll experience that again with someone normal and caring.

Also, her high “body count” and her age have little or nothing to do with her toxic character. There are plenty of young women with high “body counts” that are mature, loyal, and not abusive.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, chingito22 said:

i would really love your feedback redditors

Psst  - this isn't Reddit. 

Anyway, please get away from this woman. She is a trainwreck and has zero respect for you. And please spend some time on your own asking yourself where your boundaries and self-worth disappeared to, man. There is something inside you that needs attention, given how lomg you stayed in this dysfunction and how much mistreatment you accepted. 

1 hour ago, chingito22 said:

so another note she does drugs, she smokes weed everyday and also does other hard drugs sometimes

Does her child live with her? Is this woman the primary caretaker? If so, I hope you consider reporting this. It's dangerous for a child to be in that environment. 

[fadi20]

First and foremost, I want to acknowledge how difficult and emotionally draining your situation must be. It sounds like you are caught in a tumultuous relationship with many ups and downs. Based on what you've shared, here are some points to consider:

• Gaslighting and Manipulation: It's clear that your partner has exhibited manipulative behaviors, such as gaslighting and blaming you for things that were not your fault. This is a serious issue and can severely impact your mental health and self-esteem.
• Trust Issues: Your relationship has been marked by a lack of trust on both sides. Her secrecy and demands for your live location, combined with her actions, indicate a fundamental lack of mutual trust.
• Responsibility and Accountability: It seems that your partner does not take responsibility for her actions and often shifts the blame onto you. This lack of accountability can create a toxic environment in any relationship.
• Respect and Treatment: From your account, it sounds like you have been treated poorly and subjected to verbal abuse. No one deserves to be called names or made to feel inadequate.
• External Influences: Her use of drugs and the involvement of her ex-partner complicate the situation further. These factors can exacerbate the instability in the relationship.
• Your Well-being: It's important to prioritize your own mental and emotional well-being. Being in a relationship where you are constantly walking on eggshells and feeling responsible for the other person's behavior can take a heavy toll on you.
• Moving Forward: Ending the relationship, while painful, might be the healthiest choice for both you and your partner. Focusing on your own healing and building a support system can help you navigate this difficult time.

It's normal to miss someone after a breakup, even if the relationship was toxic. However, remind yourself of the reasons why you ended it and the negative impact it had on you. Take time to reflect on what you want and need in a relationship and use this experience to grow and learn.

Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you feel valued, respected, and loved. If you ever feel overwhelmed, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can provide you with additional tools and perspectives to cope with this situation.

Stay strong, and take care of yourself.

[chingito22]

Thank you guys so much for the feedback, I sometimes do ask myself that, how do I let it get this far, did i really fall inlove with her just because of her appearance and mutual interest?

[fadi20]

2 hours ago, chingito22 said:

I sometimes do ask myself that, how do I let it get this far, did i really fall inlove with her just because of her appearance and mutual interest?

It's natural to reflect on what drew you into the relationship and how things progressed. Attraction can start with appearance and shared interests, but the deeper emotional connections and dynamics that develop over time often reveal more about the relationship's foundation.

It's important to remember that being in a challenging relationship doesn't reflect a flaw in you. Relationships can be complicated, and emotions can cloud our judgment. What's crucial now is acknowledging what you've learned from this experience and focusing on what you truly want in a healthy, supportive partnership.

Self-reflection is a valuable tool for growth. Consider the following:

What qualities do you truly value in a partner?

How do you want to be treated in a relationship?

What boundaries are important to you to maintain your well-being?

It's okay to have made mistakes or to have been in a difficult situation. The key is learning from it and using that knowledge to make better choices for yourself in the future.

[ShyViolet]

Why on earth are you even asking if you're the one that's in the wrong here.  This woman is a disaster.... she does drugs, goes to raves, stays out till 4am, smashing beer bottles, having screaming fits, and she has a 3 year old child???  Child protective services should probably be called at this point.  This is not someone you should be wasting your time with.  Why would you even consider dating a person like this?