How to cope with dating with general anxiety disorder

[michael1152]

Hey. I'm gay. 39. I've been messaging anither guy for a weeks who's 39. But e works a lot and he lives just over 1 hour north of me.

We had a 2 hour video chat and lots of messaging. We're were meant to meet tomorrow night, but now he says he might have to cover a shift.

I'm overthinking as he doesn't drive, but says he used to go by train to see an ex, on a 5 hour jouney, but he had more time and a student loan then to afford travel. I don't know if he's making excuses not to see me as now he says he is ill, which is true. I've heard his bad throat., iver the phone last night.

The other thing is he seems to have a very jokey sense of.humor and doesn't seem.to he serious much! I can tell we like each other but I've always been an oberthinker, was really looking forward to seeing him tomorrow night, and he did want tonsee me before Christmas, but now days he might be busy for 2 weeks! I just never can trust anyone what they say anymore, but he dies seem very genuine!

[basil67]

Given your title, it sounds like you have a diagnosis.   Do you have a therapist?  If so, what strategies do they recommend?

Anyway, if his throat sounds bad, it means he actually is ill.   And even if he's a great guy, what are the logistics of dating him when he lives an hour away?  How long would public transport take?   Would you be OK with doing the bulk of the driving?

Edited December 16, 2024 by basil67

[michael1152]

Hmmm yep Things just make me anxious. Like a few days ago.on texts. He couldn't leave me alone. And voice notes,  and now he has gone quite quiet for 3 days. And the public transport.from him to get 1 hour away from.me, on a bus would be 2 hours and 20 mind! I have a gut instinct this may be not worth it, as well as him only having 2 days off to do other things.

[basil67]

If you were responding to his messages and he's now gone quiet, next him 

[michael1152]

What does next him mean?

[basil67]

It means to move on so you can meet the next guy

[ExpatInItaly]

This is why it's not a good idea to over-invest in messaging and calls before you even meet. 

Exchanging a few is fine, to get a sense of who the person is and to make a plan. But more than that is execessive when you have never met. It builds up false intimacy. It's better to wait and have extended conversations in person, and to see if the other party even follows through on meeting. 

Given that it's the holidays and he's busy and there is distance? I would put all of this on the shelf for now. Re-visit the idea of meeting after the New Year, if you are still interested. It doesn't sound like anything will materialize before then anyway.