What should I do?

[EuropeanGuy44]

 

Im a man from Europe in my early 40’s , my wife is Caribbean in her Mid 30’s. She is someone i love deeply and our story is a really nice One and We ended up together against all odds. We still live in different countries as we are working on the migration process for her to come to my country. She is very sweet and loving towards me in text and when We do phonecalls and videocalls . A little background before i Continue … I have Done a lot for this woman Because i love her very much . Im a very respectful man and i treat her very good every day . She has kids that adores me and its very mutual from my side and i treat them as my own and spoil them , and her , in every single way  . 

When we meet However , its very very cold from her and it catches me off guard a lot of times. There is basically No intimacy at all, No every day kisses or hugs , No sweet words , No looks or smiles , and i feel very unseen and unwanted by her overall. 

 

I try not to overreact to this and i give her a lot of space , but this is such a repetitive pattern and at some point i am thinking ”is this right” ? When i kiss her She turns her head away after a little while and She dont like to be touched at all . I Tried to bring up a few of these things in the past, but She dont see it like this at all and it only results in arguments as She thinks there is enough of everything as it is  . I know our cultures and backgrounds/upbringings are very different  … But I honestly dont know what to do and Im beginning to question a lot of things including myself as a man. I Would be happy and content with just a kiss a day or a smile at this point .

Cheating will never be an option for me .

 

Any thoughts or advices from other women Would be greatly appreciated 🙏🏼

[ExpatInItaly]

How well did you know her before you married her? How often do you see each other in person? 

What you're describing sounds like she's not that into you romantically. I hate to suggest she married you for migration/visa reasons but i will wait for you to answer my other questions before speculating further. 

[Achelois]

Hi EuropeanGuy44

I’m so sorry to break your heart but I don’t think she really loves you. It seems to me like she is interested in moving to your country one way or the other. 
This is the beginning and she is being like that, you should be in the best part of the relationship, enjoying every single moment, kissing and hugging. Sweet words, cuddles, specially because she is Caribbean, that should be natural, as she is doing on the phone and video calls. Don’t let her to use you. You sound like a nice guy and I hope you can find someone who appreciates your love and everything you do for her. 

Edited December 17, 2024 by Lyla1

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, EuropeanGuy44 said:

I try not to overreact to this

How exactly can you over react to the fact that the woman you married is cold and I affectionate toward you when you are in person? This is the very hallmark of a romantic relationship, a marriage. If your wife is avoiding and dismissing you when you are in person, that is a significant problem. 

[EuropeanGuy44]

53 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

How well did you know her before you married her? How often do you see each other in person? 

What you're describing sounds like she's not that into you romantically. I hate to suggest she married you for migration/visa reasons but i will wait for you to answer my other questions before speculating further. 

Thank you for your reply .

we had known eachother around 2 years when We decided to get Married .

we see eachother 5-6 times a year around 2 weeks at a time ok an average. 

[EuropeanGuy44]

47 minutes ago, Lyla1 said:

Hi EuropeanGuy44

I’m so sorry to break your heart but I don’t think she really loves you. It seems to me like she is interested in moving to your country one way or the other. 
This is the beginning and she is being like that, you should be in the best part of the relationship, enjoying every single moment, kissing and hugging. Sweet words, cuddles, specially because she is Caribbean, that should be natural, as she is doing on the phone and video calls. Don’t let her to use you. You sound like a nice guy and I hope you can find someone who appreciates your love and everything you do for her. 

Thank you for your reply . Much appreciated and i agree with the things you say … I just Wish it wasnt like that . 

[Achelois]

5 to 6 times per year around 2 weeks at a time should be HONEYMOON. You are still young to find the right person. 

[EuropeanGuy44]

10 minutes ago, Lyla1 said:

5 to 6 times per year around 2 weeks at a time should be HONEYMOON. You are still young to find the right person. 

Yes . It definetely Should … 

[Achelois]

How do you manage all the sexual desire? 

[EuropeanGuy44]

41 minutes ago, Lyla1 said:

How do you manage all the sexual desire? 

Well , i guess just thinking or hoping that Tmrw will be different … but its the same patterns each day . 

[ExpatInItaly]

I am not convinced that this woman married you for the right reasons. 

How did you meet someone who lives on the other side of the world? 

[ShyViolet]

Your situation is really confusing.  Did you and her EVER live in the same place?  Or you have always just seen each other 5-6 times a year?  I don't understand how you married someone not being in the same geographic place and only seeing each other a few times a year.  It really sounds like you shouldn't have married this woman.  And if now she's acting like she's not even interested in intimacy with you, and won't let you touch her, there's not much of a real marriage here.

[EuropeanGuy44]

On 12/17/2024 at 6:51 AM, EuropeanGuy44 said:

 

Im a man from Europe in my early 40’s , my wife is Caribbean in her Mid 30’s. She is someone i love deeply and our story is a really nice One and We ended up together against all odds. We still live in different countries as we are working on the migration process for her to come to my country. She is very sweet and loving towards me in text and when We do phonecalls and videocalls . A little background before i Continue … I have Done a lot for this woman Because i love her very much . Im a very respectful man and i treat her very good every day . She has kids that adores me and its very mutual from my side and i treat them as my own and spoil them , and her , in every single way  . 

When we meet However , its very very cold from her and it catches me off guard a lot of times. There is basically No intimacy at all, No every day kisses or hugs , No sweet words , No looks or smiles , and i feel very unseen and unwanted by her overall. 

 

I try not to overreact to this and i give her a lot of space , but this is such a repetitive pattern and at some point i am thinking ”is this right” ? When i kiss her She turns her head away after a little while and She dont like to be touched at all . I Tried to bring up a few of these things in the past, but She dont see it like this at all and it only results in arguments as She thinks there is enough of everything as it is  . I know our cultures and backgrounds/upbringings are very different  … But I honestly dont know what to do and Im beginning to question a lot of things including myself as a man. I Would be happy and content with just a kiss a day or a smile at this point .

Cheating will never be an option for me .

 

Any thoughts or advices from other women Would be greatly appreciated 🙏🏼

EDIT: Ive now been here in the Caribbean visiting her for a little over a week . 
Complete dryspell . No nothing . Im Starting to realize things here. I suggested we take a bath together and the response i got was ”Why , that dont make sense, its more comfortable using the shower separately”… 🤔

 

[NuevoYorko]

Well ... it seems like you know the state of things.  it's unlikely to change.  You need to decide if this is an acceptable way to move forward with your marriage.   If it's not, I think you'll need to divorce.   

[Achelois]

8 hours ago, EuropeanGuy44 said:

EDIT: Ive now been here in the Caribbean visiting her for a little over a week . 
Complete dryspell . No nothing . Im Starting to realize things here. I suggested we take a bath together and the response i got was ”Why , that dont make sense, its more comfortable using the shower separately”… 🤔

 

That lack of affection is unacceptable in a marriage, that is not the life you want to live. I’d tell her I contacted immigration to stop the process. It seems to me that it’s the only thing she cares.

She may have a partner there, waiting to move with her once she gets the visa. I just can’t understand a woman my age not wanting any affection, intimacy and love. That is the age when you get more confident, you have more experience and you know what you want. 

[EuropeanGuy44]

Thank you all very much for your feedback and advice , i appreciate it a lot . 
Need some time to reflect , i dont understand How it got to this , and I know that Im seen as a very nice kind overall good man. 

[Gaeta]

Don't you know you are being manipulated?? You must be the only person on the planet not knowing about the Caribbean marriage scam. You don't say from what Island she's from but it's easy to guess. All she wants is to immigrate to your country. It's time you wake up and start processing that divorce.

[Achelois]

On 12/22/2024 at 11:59 PM, Gaeta said:

Don't you know you are being manipulated?? You must be the only person on the planet not knowing about the Caribbean marriage scam. You don't say from what Island she's from but it's easy to guess. All she wants is to immigrate to your country. It's time you wake up and start processing that divorce.

Not everybody is like that. You’re judging people based on where they are from. This case sadly is, that lady is obviously using EuropeanGuy44, but there are also genuine couples getting in love and marrying for the right reasons, no matter where they are from. 

[Felix78]

Maybe the love is simply gone my friend. Sorry to be blunt but it does happen so you need to consider that possibility, otherwise before you know it she'll be looking elsewhere.