recovery

[lqsnm]

Hi, I would love to share my recent break up experience, I was dating this girl a little more than 1 year, but it was LDR. And 1st week of October she told me she needs break from relationship considering our problems during last September, and this break did not last too much, because in the beginning I was failing to understand that she was already finished it in her mind so I could not manage to stay away for a long time, and when I went silent 2-3 days she was texting me and saying nonsense. stuff to just "catch up" as she was saying. This lasted till the mid of October like this talking once in 2-3 days, and when that day arrived on mid October, I called her to just say stop this games and lets finish this relationship, and even I offered to visit her and talk face to face and in the beginning she was saying yes and then no. I saw this is not going anywhere, after cutting this call (on which I was extremely emotional), texted her to say I am stepping out of this for a while, as I saw that I dont have energy left to fight for this relationship anymore.

So more or less 4 weeks passed on November I texted her to have a closure and finish relationship in good way, and we had a call (very long one) and finally broke up, and even on that call she rejected to talk to me face to face. As I was ready to travel to her just talk and come back day after or even on the same day, but according to her it would not been good for any of us.  Reason why we ended up this relationship was my neediness according to her, and now time has passed I can reflect how anxiously attached I was to her during our relationship.But strange thing was this is my 3rd relationship and first time in my life I was extremely needy or insecure in my life and I was not able to control it, even though I tried to communicate what was making me uncomfortable, she was still continuing to do it, almost everyday during relationship I had to hear her joking about a different guy and idea of dating different person if I was not in her life, or many jokes about breaking up. Well many of you might say it is just a joke as she was saying, but it was not anything less than damage to my self esteem. And I am not here to talk bad about her, obviously I should have managed to control my emotions better but week after week I was feeling less significant as a person and it was making me crazy since I havent had anything like this before, and because of that my insecurities were rising up which means seeking more validation and more dramas. Anyway, we broke up (without any drama because time I took kinda helped me process my emotions) and she was saying we still stay friends and etc (we were close friends before dating) and in my opinion there is no such thing exist being a friend with your ex, obviously you can keep the respect and be happy for the experience but friendship never made any sense to me.

Anyway, since then I havent contacted her (almost 50 days), and not because of I want to bring her back or something, just to find the power in me to move on, and when I remember how needy and anxious I was during this relationship, staying off contact motivates me to regain my self respect that I lost during this relationship, we still follow each other on social media, she keeps watching my stories, and somehow every time when I see any story from her it kinda make me sad, so I stayed off from instagram for 2 weeks or so, but somehow I dont know why I used it again today, and did the same mistake of stalking (btw she still has posts with me on her account), and even I posted some pics of me that I was planning to post in the past (mainly just to see if she is going to like the post or not),  that is the reason why today I realised I am failing to move on, not contacting her does not mean I have moved on completely (for sure there are some days I almost feel nothing about break up) but remaining days she is always in my mind, and I dont know how to deal with it? Is it just the time? Will I care less and less after every month passed? I have tried to focus more on my self since she left me, working out, traveling, being more social but somehow I see this every time that healing process is not linear process. In the end you survive, but I kinda miss my mental state on which I dont overthink.

[Gebidozo]

I don’t know what else your purported neediness and anxiety consisted of, but reacting strongly to her tasteless jokes about who she’d be with if she weren’t with you isn’t a sign of anxiety, it’s a sign of being uncomfortable with your partner doing something idiotic and hurtful. Furthermore, I’m not sure she was joking.

You should definitely stop following her on social media. Don’t contact her and don’t worry about what happened during your relationship. It’s your job not to be needy and anxious now.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, lqsnm said:

almost everyday during relationship I had to hear her joking about a different guy and idea of dating different person if I was not in her life, or many jokes about breaking up. Well many of you might say it is just a joke

Absolutely not. It is immature, disrespectful and a sure sign that she didn't take you seriously. This is just not how a decent girlfriend behaves, so please do not pin this all on your "neediness." Anyone in the right mind would have a probem with their partner being so thoughtless and inconsiderate. 

9 hours ago, lqsnm said:

emaining days she is always in my mind, and I dont know how to deal with it?

You need to get her off your social media for good. There is no reason to keep her there anymore. It is only preventing you from really letting go. 

I am sorry you're struggling. However, when you move through the worst of the pain, you will see that you deserve better. And you will find a better girl for you. This one was beneath you.