The Lonely 'Thing'

[basscatcher]

Inspiring! I can only pray that I too will find peace with all of my situations. NOT just Charlie.

[riobikini]

NMS,

 

Re:

"I guess this means that we'll now get to follow some more active threads in the dating section from you? "

 

Actually, I have guarded thoughts about dating anyone, -at least, right away.

 

I am not ready for 'dates' -and I know that.

 

I will, however, continue to be present at as many social functions, as always....and will probably pair up with various companions for that purpose, but certainly not in 'dating' mode.

 

Do I hate men? (Laugh) Never!

 

I could never hate them, generally-speaking., -actually, I am quite in love with the entire other gender.

 

And if one of them were to introduce himself in just the right way, again, -I am still just human enough to consider going another round.

 

But (Smile) -I'd probably do a complete background check on him and send him to a therapist, first, to rule out risk of a few wee problems I have been fooled by in the recent past.

 

 

-Rio

[riobikini]

Pada:

"Inspiring! I can only pray that I too will find peace with all of my situations. NOT just Charlie."

 

...and Pada, a lot of us are praying that prayer with you.

 

Yours,

-Rio

[riobikini]

Looking around the board and seeing a few who were here when I first came onto the boards in November.

 

Most have begun accepting their loss and healing as well as can be expected, given their varied individual circumstances.

 

So am I.

 

I attempted to look back on my first posts and the start of this thread, but it was still way too painful, so I just scanned through it -and I realized something: there's nothing wrong with looking back on your life, -it just depends on what you're focusing on, and the distance between you and the pain.

 

I don't want to be in that state of confusion again, feeling that hurt, that emotional, nor have all that negative disruption in my life -if I view it- I want to view it from a far, far distance.

 

When I do look back, it's in hopes of understanding my own failures and learning something valuable from them, -but not to beat myself up, and even though responsibility for the break belongs to us both, it's certainly not to begin a wild campaign of blaming anyone.

 

It really is all about accepting it.

 

I really don't know how much the arrival of spring has to do with it, but I figure it must have some impact on the whole concept of moving forward.

 

I'm glad that I'm at the stage I am at the beginning of the new season, -it's a positive thing- it kind of 'goes' with what's happening, -the 'renewing' of things.

 

I almost feel lucky....(Smile).

 

-Rio

[riobikini]

I hardly think about 'him', at all, anymore.

 

And that's a good thing. I almost feel guilty. Almost.

 

I'm (happily) surprised at how smoothly things are going, now.

 

Just a few months ago, I was soooo headf*cked.

 

Doing so well in the aftermath has caused me to think, though, about why it is that some might still be a little less further along in the the recovery phase than others.

 

One of the things I talked to someone about recently, was the way we sometimes feel guilty for letting go, even though we know we're ready to move on down the road.

 

Why the secret guilt feelings?

 

Because some believe that the length of time they grieve and maintain a death's grip on the memory of an ex is the way we show the world how deeply we loved them.

 

Wrong.

 

Grieving over it, going through the recovery -whatever length of time it takes- should not be extended just to prove you truly cared.

 

If you're ready to move on, -then you're ready to move on. Don't get hung up on proving the value of a relationship that has already gone south. It doesn't make you a 'better' person, -it just becomes unnecessary punishment.

 

And don't you think you've suffered enough?

 

One more thing, on a not-so-entirely different subject: remember that 'forgiveness' is something that is actually done on a daily basis, -not once and done, over and gone.

 

It's an exercise in your understanding and acceptance of a situation up until a certain point, then it progresses to another level of understanding and acceptance, -actively, and perpetually, although not always consciously bearing on the front-burner of your mind.

 

One, for instance, is that you may forgive some things now, that you did not understand clearly a few weeks or months ago....and a few months from now, you may have to forgive them again, in a 'stand-alone' moment with the very same issue, because you have a greater understanding of it than before.

 

It's progressive.

 

And, at some point, it becomes a character-builder we can refer to as a resource, -not an 'issue'.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio