freckles3131 Posted January 8, 2006 Share Posted January 8, 2006 Some of mine and his family are not supportive of us being back together.....some comments, "She is not the one for you" or..."If he loved you why didn't he stay" etc....The relationship we did have for 3 yrs. was unhealthy...and my family/friends saw how devastated I was after we broke up..his family saw him unhappy and thus not treating me 100% lovingly. It has been a 2 YEAR break.....we have both learned ALOT...both have grown and changed. Both of us feel good/happy/that this is "right" that we are getting it done right this time. We both have gone through alot of introspective and gained alot self-awareness over the past 2 yrs..... When faced with the adversity...does one try to "explain" all of that? Or just say, "oh well, it's our choice/our decision and leave it at that? My response has been....(to family mostly) You KNOW how much I've grown, I have been alone and happy for 2 yrs. do you think I would take this lightly? We both have grown changed etc..etc.... His response is more..."Oh well, think what you want." end of story. Is his simple response the way to go?(does that show more of a confidence than trying to "explain" or essentially coming across as "making excuses" in their eyes? His thought is "oh well, the proof will be in the pudding and WE know what we know....we are happy. We believe. And that's all that matters" Anyone else dealing with this? Anyone have any thoughts as a neutral party? How would you "tell people" you were back? (when there is a negative past history) Link to post Share on other sites
Zetter Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 I didn't get back with my wife, but we talked about it. During these talks, she was afraid that my friends would think poorly of her after we got back together and it would effect our relationship going forward. My friends thought she was cruel and crazy, and that would have made things strange. When my wife and I were considering reconciling, I called my good friends and talked to them a while about it. They were there for me during the tough times and they were entitled to hear my reasons for potentially reconciling. I basically told them that they were entitled to their personal opinions of my wife, but if we remained married, I didn't want to hear anything negative about her, and secondarily if they disrespected her it would change my relationship with them. Each one of them respected me and my decision. My wife and I did not end up together again, but I can tell you that good friends will not let your "significant other"relationship effect your relationship with them. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted January 9, 2006 Share Posted January 9, 2006 Your family & friends are concerned for you. They saw what you went through & no doubt went through a lot of it with you. It's very understandable that they are reluctant to encourage you to go back to what they see was an unhappy place. In customer service there's an adage that a satisfied customer may tell one, possibly two, people of their experience, but an unhappy customer will tell as many as possible. Of course I don't know the particulars of your relationship, but in all likelihood your family & friends heard a lot more that was negative than positive. This is what they're basing their feelings on. It would be nice, but you don't require or need their blessing for this reconciliation. I think your b/friend has the right attitude. I basically told them that they were entitled to their personal opinions of my wife, but if we remained married, I didn't want to hear anything negative about her, and secondarily if they disrespected her it would change my relationship with them. I would have said something similar myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author freckles3131 Posted January 9, 2006 Author Share Posted January 9, 2006 Both of you are right. Plus, I think it's how the saying goes, "Thou does protest too much" the more you say, the more it looks like "excuses" or lack of confidence in the situation. Plus, more fodder for their talking about it....the less said the better. The proof will be in the pudding. Actions speak louder than words. Plus, there is a chance in ANY relationship for potential hurt/break-up. So be it. Just gonna keep on chuggin' along...things are good/we are happy. Oh well to the lot of them! Thanks again! Link to post Share on other sites
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