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This guy was super interested in me but now I spoiled everything

Tysca

By Tysca,
in Long-Distance Relationships

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Tysca

Tysca

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I am dating a guy from 3 months … it’s a long distance … I met him after doing one month of face time.. first date was okayish .. he tried to be touchy and I was not so comfortable . But we connected so well between dates.. this guy was super obsessed with me calling me 10-12 hours of video calls.. our online chemistry was awesome .

Then on second date I went to his place and our vibe was awesome , I stayed in his city for 10 days and everything was awesome . We shared kiss , hugs and little physical stuff here and there.

Then in between second and third date we talked on face time day and night and it was awesome . Again he came to meet me after a second date and on our third date it went so horrible. He tried to do physical touch and I did not reciprocate. I just got repelled may be because of hormones and bad weather or some stress. We did not even hold hands and even the communication was very bad. I was acting very cool so in short I messed it up. And even said to him that I am confused whether I am physically attracted or not.

Now the guy is hurt and not talking to me like before . He is not even calling me once in a whole day . I told him I can come to meet him but he said he is not sure he is able to reciprocate this time and he will let me know if I should come or not. He got normal in between but now again he has not called me from last three days and he said he is not able to forget how I treated him.

I know I messed up 😭😭😭 is there something I can do which can improve the situation . this guy was super interested in me but now I spoiled everything. 

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basil67

basil67

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54 minutes ago, Tysca said:

I just got repelled may be because of hormones and bad weather or some stress.

None of these things make sense in an early relationship when you're really into each other.  However, being repelled is a normal reaction when you're not into the person you're dating.  Trust your body's instincts and end it

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Gebidozo

Gebidozo

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It’s hard to understand why you say you spoiled everything when you felt you weren’t attracted to the guy and rebuked his advances. If that’s how you felt about it, what was there to spoil?

The guy sounds pushy and frankly a bit insane from your descriptions. 10-12 hours of video calls? “Overkill” doesn’t even begin to describe it. Clearly, he has put a lot of pressure on you.

Anyway, the bottom line is that you aren’t physically attracted to him. You’re just not, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Stop panicking, take a break, and next time you date someone again please don’t let them stress you out like this. Only go out with guys you’re attracted to, and only agree to things you really want to do.

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Tysca

Tysca

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@Gebidozo No we had good chemistry on second date. I initiated all kisses and hugs and we got intimate. We are talking 10-12 hours video calls from last 3 months non stop and I am emotionally attached to him so I want to meet one last time but now he seems to have given up and lost interest.

 

he is not talking to me from 3 days . He is saying earlier communication style dint worked so now he needs to change the communication style and when I said I can come to meet him he Is straightaway saying he is not sure whether he is able to reciprocate or not

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Tysca

Tysca

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@basil67

No we had good chemistry on second date. I initiated all kisses and hugs and we got intimate. We are talking 10-12 hours video calls from last 3 months non stop and I am emotionally attached to him so I want to meet one last time but now he seems to have given up and lost interest.

 

he is not talking to me from 3 days . He is saying earlier communication style dint worked so now he needs to change the communication style and when I said I can come to meet him he Is straightaway saying he is not sure whether he is able to reciprocate or not

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Gebidozo

Gebidozo

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5 minutes ago, Tysca said:

@Gebidozo No we had good chemistry on second date. I initiated all kisses and hugs and we got intimate. We are talking 10-12 hours video calls from last 3 months non stop and I am emotionally attached to him so I want to meet one last time but now he seems to have given up and lost interest.

 

he is not talking to me from 3 days . He is saying earlier communication style dint worked so now he needs to change the communication style and when I said I can come to meet him he Is straightaway saying he is not sure whether he is able to reciprocate or not

Why would you want to meet “one last time”? For what? So you’re confused, you were attracted to him and then you weren’t attracted to him. That happens you told him that and he understandably broke it off. I would break it off too if a woman told me she wasn’t sure whether she was attracted to me or not. He doesn’t want to meet anymore, just let him go.

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Tysca

Tysca

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@Gebidozo no upon reaching home he said let’s take a break for two days and the again our communication was normal. I made him understand that it was just because of hormones and bad weather and stress. He got agreed to meet me and our communication got reduced but we were communicating but again when he said he is not sure he is able to reciprocate this time or not I reminded him again all the things happened in our last meeting and now again he is giving me silent treatment. In between he also said it’s good we don’t backed out and still working on it. He even made plans with his cousin and me to visit in new year but when he asked me not to come I told him why don’t he take some time and think more about it and now he is not talking to me from last three days but he is liking my Instagram pics. If he is moving on then why he is liking my pics . He even called me so many times after reaching home but recently again he is giving me silent treatment. 
I want to meet because we had insane chemistry in second visit so I want to reassure before calling things off as I am very much emotionally connected to him 😫😫😭😭😭😭 please help me

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Gebidozo

Gebidozo

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How can you call this “insane chemistry” if you didn’t even want the guy to touch you the next time? Do you understand what “insane chemistry” is? It’s when two people can’t get their hands off each other for several years. What you felt for that guy was just a short burst of attraction that subsided quickly. That would never happen if the attraction were truly strong and lasting.

How can you be “very much emotionally connected” to a person you barely know? Emotional connection is something you mutually build over years. You’re panicking over something that hasn’t even started properly, let alone had any meaning or depth besides the obvious unhealthy infatuation.

Your profile says your age is between 25 and 34. You should be mature enough to realize that your entire description of what transpired between you and that guys sounds like a fleeting high school romance. Please calm down and try to see things in perspective.

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Tysca

Tysca

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I am 34 yr old. Whatever the case I want the last date for surity or closing things off as I am talking to this guy for day and night. Why this guy is liking my pics on instagram

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Gebidozo

Gebidozo

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4 minutes ago, Tysca said:

I am 34 yr old. Whatever the case I want the last date for surity or closing things off as I am talking to this guy for day and night. Why this guy is liking my pics on instagram

Frankly, I’m very surprised that you’re 34. Wondering over who likes whose pictures on Instagram is the mindset of a high school student. As are your ideas about what chemistry and emotional connection are.

If you want to meet him one last time, please tell him it’s going to be the last time, and see if he agrees to that. If he doesn’t, stop bothering him. If his liking of your pictures bothers you, block him.

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Tysca

Tysca

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@Gebidozo ok so if he agrees on meeting but says he will not be able to reciprocate, should I meet or not? And he is directly saying he is taking me for granted. Also it’s not like he has clearly communicated that he is breaking up or things not working out. We both just stopped talking from last three days. I asked him multiple times let me know if this is not working out , then he said he will let me know if that’s the case.

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basil67

basil67

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1 hour ago, Tysca said:

 I made him understand that it was just because of hormones and bad weather and stress. 

If this is truly the reason, then you've just shown him that you're going to be weird and standoffish when there's hormones, bad weather and stress.  This isn't good!   And your use of the word "just" makes it sound like you're minimising it.  

At this point, you've apologised so there's nothing more you can do except give him space to consider everything.  Stop bothering him about letting you know if this isn't working out.  

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Gebidozo

Gebidozo

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2 minutes ago, Tysca said:

@Gebidozo ok so if he agrees on meeting but says he will not be able to reciprocate, should I meet or not? And he is directly saying he is taking me for granted. Also it’s not like he has clearly communicated that he is breaking up or things not working out. We both just stopped talking from last three days. I asked him multiple times let me know if this is not working out , then he said he will let me know if that’s the case.

Reciprocate what? You want to have one last meeting so that you can break up with him face to face, right? Then what is there to reciprocate?

You don’t need to wait for him to tell you whether this is working out or not. This is obviously not working out, since you aren’t really attracted to the guy.

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basil67

basil67

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1 hour ago, Tysca said:

@basil67 space you mean not talking to him or should I try to call him again because we are just not talking but he receives my call everytime I call him.

Sorry I was unclear.  You should stop calling, messaging, IG, or whatever other method you may use to be in contact.  Allow him the space to call you   If he calls, you can certainly talk to him.  

Just leave the ball in his court

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BaileyB

BaileyB

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You didn’t do anything wrong.

He wanted to have sex, and you were not ready. There is nothing wrong with that. The fact that he has now withdrawn because of this is a huge red flag to me…

As is this - 

13 hours ago, Tysca said:

this guy was super obsessed with me calling me 10-12 hours of video calls..

That would not a sign to me of a super great connection. It would be a sign to me that he not a healthy partner - because healthy people with busy lives don’t do this. 

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Tysca

Tysca

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@BaileyB no we were in the car and he was just trying to touch me. I already cleared to him that no sex before marriage and he was ok with that but all he want was kiss, holding hands and little bit physical stuff to which I repelled.

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Tysca

Tysca

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@BaileyB yes but this guy felt unloved because of my behaviour . And I also said to him that I am confused whether I am attracted to him or not.

 

Except the physical stuff our vibe was off . I said some bad words to him like how much he earns, his facial features etc . Overall this guy got the impression that I don’t like him but it is all because of the stress and PMS going on at that time.

I really want to visit him but he is saying he is not sure he is able to reciprocate or not. He is not calling me like before and giving me silent treatment.

 

I really want to visit him but not sure how. This guy is openly saying he is taking me for granted. What can I do now?

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basil67

basil67

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5 hours ago, Tysca said:

I said some bad words to him like how much he earns, his facial features etc

The previous things you said were bad, but there is truly no coming back from saying this.  It's unforgivable and should be a deal breaker for anyone who has an ounce of self esteem

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basil67

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Just now, Tysca said:

@basil67but this guy went normal in between but again he is giving me silent treatment. He is liking my pictures on Instagram still. Do you think giving him space can help

Well after that behaviour, you deserve silent treatment.  Accept your consequences graciously

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NuevoYorko

NuevoYorko

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Why did you say those things?  Did you mean what you said?  If you did, it's for the best that you don't see each other any more.  If you did not, it's still for the best that you don't see each other any more, because nobody needs that kind of game playing in a relationship and the guy is right to move on. 

 

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