M33 looking to understand situation with F34 crush

[jb790]

Any advice is helpful

 

I’ll try and keep this short but it’s kinda a long story and I’d like any input 

 

I, M33 have worked with F34 since August, we are remote I am in New England, shes in FL and haven’t met in person. She is also a single mom, also a Virgo. Over the last 3 months or so, we got really close. She was pretty active in her communication and we would FaceTime usually 2-3 times a day during and after work, she would IM me on the work chat a lot and send instagram messages too. 

 

I was seeing someone else we’ll call her Sam, but about a month and a half ago, I realized I was starting to have feelings for her so I dialed back my communication. I told her I was going on a trip my the girl I was seeing and she kept texting and DM’ing me that weekend so I was starting to feel she was jealous and had feelings too. I called things off with Sam and continued talking with my crush. 

I have not been overly available, didn’t answer all of her calls or text back immediately but I did drunkenly admit to liking her in October. 

 

We made plans for us to meet in February as I was going to Florida to see my parents who live not far from her in the winter. I went down at the beginning of December to see friends and I told her I was but she thought I meant Palm beach cali no Florida so she freaked out when she found out I was near her and didn’t see her. She calls people the b word (Reddit wont let me post it) and was like “you’re in my hood b word” to which I later replied I’ll be back in a couple of months. If you stop calling me a b word we can hangout then. Im not going to take you on a date if you’re rude. She then never said b word again. 

 

So she has shown a lot of interest, I’ve met her kids via FaceTime who love me and she uses a lot of her time communicating with me. She chases any time I back off, agreed to meet up, I’ve called it a date and threatened to not take her if she continued something I didn’t like which she corrected except once she slipped up and apologized. She’s going through a rough time right now since she’s not seeing her kids on Christmas so last Thursday I got her a nice poinsettia to make her feel better and she loved it. 

 

Here’s where it goes off the rails, I thought everything was going really well just a week ago but on Tuesday when we were talking I misunderstood her and thought she said her friends think she’s ridiculous for the guys she likes. I thought she was talking about me so I texted her after we hung up and said “why do your friends think you’re ridiculous forr the guys you like” she wrote “it’s opposite, I don’t like anyone” which really threw me. I then wrote “So you don’t like me?” To which she wrote “hahaha I swear 35 changed me.” “I don’t like humans” “besides my kids 😂” so I said “is that a yes or no?” She wrote “???” Then I messed up and dropped this “lol that was so straight forward. You said you don’t like anyone so I was asking if you like me as in are interested in dating me?”

 

Her reply: “eh not answering”

 

 I wrote one thing back and she never read or replied. I played it cool at work Wednesday and was friendly but didn’t answer her slack call and didn’t reply to reels she sent. The last 2 days she hasn’t called, initiated any conversation or DM’d me. Can someone please provide insight into what they think is going on or how to proceed? Thank you in advance. 

[ShyViolet]

I'm not understanding what this whole thing is.  This is someone you have never met in person, only spent hours and hours FaceTiming and now you have some fantasy "relationship" with.  You're in the northeast and she's all the way in Florida.  You really don't know this woman and you've invested all this time and energy into this fantasy.  If you want to date someone, meet someone in your local area.  That's how dating works.

[jb790]

Just now, ShyViolet said:

I'm not understanding what this whole thing is.  This is someone you have never met in person, only spent hours and hours FaceTiming and now you have some fantasy "relationship" with.  You're in the northeast and she's all the way in Florida.  You really don't know this woman and you've invested all this time and energy into this fantasy.  If you want to date someone, meet someone in your local area.  That's how dating works.

I was planning on seeing her in person soon and my parents have a house near where she lives. I wouldn’t say it was a fantasy it’s long distance but I can see what you’re saying about not really knowing her in person but I do know her pretty well. 

[ShyViolet]

6 minutes ago, jb790 said:

I was planning on seeing her in person soon and my parents have a house near where she lives. I wouldn’t say it was a fantasy it’s long distance but I can see what you’re saying about not really knowing her in person but I do know her pretty well. 

It doesn't matter that your parents live near her..... you don't live there and from what it sounds like, you are only there a few times a year.  How often would you really be together in person?  Dating is an in-person activity, it doesn't just consist of endless FaceTiming.

[Sony12]

You are infatuated with a fantasy. You don't know this person. Yes try to meet people more local to you.

All you will do chasing this lady around is s wasting a lot of time and potential money.

[jb790]

5 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

You are infatuated with a fantasy. You don't know this person. Yes try to meet people more local to you.

All you will do chasing this lady around is s wasting a lot of time and potential money.

I mean I wasn’t really asking about the merits of a long distance relationship more so about why she’d say eh not answering. But I appreciate your reply. 

[ShyViolet]

2 minutes ago, jb790 said:

I mean I wasn’t really asking about the merits of a long distance relationship more so about why she’d say eh not answering. But I appreciate your reply. 

Maybe because this is a person you have never met, so you have never developed a real, true connection with her.  You think you have but it's not real.  And so that's why it doesn't take much for it to fall apart, and it's so easy for her to do a 180 and start going cold.

[Sony12]

6 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Maybe because this is a person you have never met, so you have never developed a real, true connection with her.  You think you have but it's not real.  And so that's why it doesn't take much for it to fall apart, and it's so easy for her to do a 180 and start going cold.

Yep. Online connections where the two people haven't met can putter out at any moment. All it takes is a slight misunderstanding or something that happens in the person's real life that takes up their focus for a period of time. Plus at any point they can start talking with someone more local to them that they will automatically place above the non local person simply because they would be more convenient to meet.

[Gebidozo]

You have built up a whole fantasy relationship with a person you don’t know at all. Then, at the slightest provocation, this “relationship” crashed like the house of cards that it was. This is what happens when people invest their time and emotions into something that isn’t real.

Having video conversations three times per day (!) with a person you’ve never seen, basically a stranger, strikes me as somewhat insane. I would find this quantity of hands-off, virtual communication with someone who isn’t even your proper romantic partner alarming and creepy.

This is not a long-distance relationship. Long-distance relationship is when people meet, have strong feelings for each other, initiate a romance, and then circumstances force them to be apart for a while. LDR’s can work only between two people whose relationship has already stood the test of time, who have already established full trust and smooth communication.

[smackie9]

I think with the pressure from her friends, shes having doubts, which is perfectly normal in situations like these. That being said, just let her know she maybe having doubts, but that you hope to get to meet her in February and see how things go. Just play it by ear.

[jb790]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

I think with the pressure from her friends, shes having doubts, which is perfectly normal in situations like these. That being said, just let her know she maybe having doubts, but that you hope to get to meet her in February and see how things go. Just play it by ear.

I think that’s a good plan I appreciate the input!