Ladies, I need your input.

[Helicon5]

I recently met a beautiful woman on a dating site. We had a great conversation on the site, then decided to call each other (this was Tuesday evening). We had an amazing conversation for 2.5 hours. She had mentioned that she felt like she was getting sick. She had a cough and that maybe we could get together Thursday.

The next morning at 12:48 I texted her letting her know it was nice speaking with her and hoped she felt better. She reciprocated with a nice reply within 45 minutes and said she felt like she was getting better and that she was going to do some cleaning and organizing and had to watch her grandson for an hour. I told her I'd find a nice place where we can meet for dinner if she was able. She liked that. 

The next day (Thursday afternoon) I texted her asking her if she'd like to talk later in the evening. She told me she would, but was going out to dinner with a couple of gf's and asked if it would be okay if she could call me afterwards, which I agreed, and she did. She was at dinner a couple of hours. Again, we had another amazing 2 hour conversation. She coughed a little bit once, but was okay. She said maybe we could get together on Saturday night if she was feeling better, so I agreed.

The next day (Friday morning at 11:30) she texted me and she was rapping Christmas gifts and I retorted. 

This morning (Saturday) she texted me and said she'd have to lay low for a bit because she has walking pneumonia and she wouldn't be able to meet me until she could kick it (with a sad emoji face). Naturally I replied back with a condolence hoping she gets better soon she could enjoy Christmas. I just left it at that. 

So my question is, should I text her back tomorrow or Monday to see how she's feeling or just wait for her to contact me? The reason I'm asking is because I don't want to seem like I'm hounding her if she's not feeling well.

Thanks.

Edited December 21, 2024 by Helicon5

[Gaeta]

Of course you touch base with her and inquire on how she feels. I suggest Monday. Don't ask when she'll be ready to meet in person. Let her nurse herself back to health. If she is interested in meeting she will drop you a message after that.

 

[Calmandfocused]

About a year ago I’d had a couple of dates with a guy that went very well. I was a bit iffy about him (I wasn’t that excited by him) but I couldn’t put my finger on why. He’d done nothing wrong. 
 

About a day or 2 after our second date I got very sick with covid (which I told him) and I got a “I’m sorry to hear that” response. 
 

The man then did not contact me for a week! When he did he asked me if I was better and if I wanted to meet again. 
 

I didn’t see him again! I was turned off big time! After 2 dates he didn’t owe me anything but his reaction to me being ill gave me a glimpse into his character - I didn’t like it. 
 

Touching base with someone who you know is sick is a nice thing to do. It shows care, understanding and empathy. Don’t bombard her (she won’t appreciate that) but a daily text to enquire about her wellbeing is a nice thing to do. 
 

Don’t be the guy that turned me off. 

[happyhorizons]

2 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

About a year ago I’d had a couple of dates with a guy that went very well. I was a bit iffy about him (I wasn’t that excited by him) but I couldn’t put my finger on why. He’d done nothing wrong. 
 

About a day or 2 after our second date I got very sick with covid (which I told him) and I got a “I’m sorry to hear that” response. 
 

The man then did not contact me for a week! When he did he asked me if I was better and if I wanted to meet again. 
 

I didn’t see him again! I was turned off big time! After 2 dates he didn’t owe me anything but his reaction to me being ill gave me a glimpse into his character - I didn’t like it. 
 

Touching base with someone who you know is sick is a nice thing to do. It shows care, understanding and empathy. Don’t bombard her (she won’t appreciate that) but a daily text to enquire about her wellbeing is a nice thing to do. 
 

Don’t be the guy that turned me off. 

That is quite insensitive to say the least and shows a certain lack of respect in my view.  I am not sure this chap would make an ideal partner moving forward. 

[smackie9]

You do what you think is right. You like her, and truly have concern then yes reach out.

[Helicon5]

12 hours ago, Calmandfocused said:

About a year ago I’d had a couple of dates with a guy that went very well. I was a bit iffy about him (I wasn’t that excited by him) but I couldn’t put my finger on why. He’d done nothing wrong. 
 

About a day or 2 after our second date I got very sick with covid (which I told him) and I got a “I’m sorry to hear that” response. 
 

The man then did not contact me for a week! When he did he asked me if I was better and if I wanted to meet again. 
 

I didn’t see him again! I was turned off big time! After 2 dates he didn’t owe me anything but his reaction to me being ill gave me a glimpse into his character - I didn’t like it. 
 

Touching base with someone who you know is sick is a nice thing to do. It shows care, understanding and empathy. Don’t bombard her (she won’t appreciate that) but a daily text to enquire about her wellbeing is a nice thing to do. 
 

Don’t be the guy that turned me off. 

Yes, I agree. A week is way too long. How long before I touch base though, that's the question. We last texted yesterday morning (Saturday), so it's been almost 36 hours. I do care and I'm thinking about her. I just don't want to come off as obsessive texting every 24: hours since she's not feeling well. 

Edited December 23, 2024 by Helicon5

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Helicon5 said:

Yes, I agree. A week is way too long. How long before I touch base though, that's the question. We last texted yesterday morning (Saturday), so it's been almost 36 hours. I do care and I'm thinking about her. I just don't want to come off as obsessive texting every 24: hours since she's not feeling well. 

I dated someone for a month and half and came down with a very serious illness and and he called and texted me everyday. It was nice knowing he cared but he didn't visit or bring me anything. I think I would have appreciated some physical support or a small gesture, even if he couldn't come visit. It made me question how serious he was about our relationship.

[Calmandfocused]

8 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

Yes, I agree. A week is way too long. How long before I touch base though, that's the question. We last texted yesterday morning (Saturday), so it's been almost 36 hours. I do care and I'm thinking about her. I just don't want to come off as obsessive texting every 24: hours since she's not feeling well. 

You haven’t met her in person yet right? 
 

My advice is to enquire about her wellbeing today. Good luck! 

[Helicon5]

7 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

I dated someone for a month and half and came down with a very serious illness and and he called and texted me everyday. It was nice knowing he cared but he didn't visit or bring me anything. I think I would have appreciated some physical support or a small gesture, even if he couldn't come visit. It made me question how serious he was about our relationship.

The thing is we haven't even met in person yet. Heck I'd make a pot of chicken soup and bring it to her if we were a month into knowing each other. At this point I feel it would be too forward. Even though we had amazing conversation twice she didn't offer up her last name. I gave her mine. I mean, that doesn't matter at this point. I'm just saying she didn't. We did talk about previous dating experiences where she told me she once had a guy over for dinner at her place on their first date. Whether or not she would've made me the same offer if she wasn't sick, who knows. I may be going out on a limb, but just for the sake of argument I'm wondering if it's possible that she's faking being Ill for some reason. The thought has crossed my mind. She would have to go to the doctor to verify she has walking pneumonia. She didn't have time to get to one.

[Helicon5]

13 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

You haven’t met her in person yet right? 
 

My advice is to enquire about her wellbeing today. Good luck! 

Yes, as a matter of fact I am planning on doing that this morning. 

Did you read my last reply about the possibility of her faking it? I mean, I don't think she'd do that, but it is possible she could be for some reason. Like I said, she didn't have time to get to the doctor to verify walking pneumonia. Unless maybe she went to a walk-in clinic. One reason could be that maybe she had other prearranged plans.

Edited December 23, 2024 by Helicon5

[Calmandfocused]

It is true that the dating etiquette of today is very ill mannered, and part of that etiquette can incorporate a lot of game play and 🐂 💩.

However at this stage in the game I would give her the benefit of the doubt. She may genuinely believe she has pneumonia (although I doubt it- unless she’s a medic who can self diagnose which I also doubt) 

Go with the plan and if you get the slightest whiff of any game playing, making excuses, avoidance etc, abort mission at this point. 

[Helicon5]

1 hour ago, Calmandfocused said:

It is true that the dating etiquette of today is very ill mannered, and part of that etiquette can incorporate a lot of game play and 🐂 💩.

However at this stage in the game I would give her the benefit of the doubt. She may genuinely believe she has pneumonia (although I doubt it- unless she’s a medic who can self diagnose which I also doubt) 

Go with the plan and if you get the slightest whiff of any game playing, making excuses, avoidance etc, abort mission at this point. 

I just texted her and asked how she's feeling. Waiting on her response.

I laughed at these two symbols 🐂💩. Haha 😂 😂 😂 it's funny how you have to get creative online.

I hope she's on the up and up. You just never know anymore.

 

Edited December 23, 2024 by Helicon5

[Acacia98]

3 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

I may be going out on a limb, but just for the sake of argument I'm wondering if it's possible that she's faking being Ill for some reason. The thought has crossed my mind. She would have to go to the doctor to verify she has walking pneumonia. She didn't have time to get to one.

That occurred to me. But if I were you, I'd keep it to myself and give her the benefit of the doubt. The truth has a way of coming to light eventually.

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Helicon5 said:

The thing is we haven't even met in person yet. Heck I'd make a pot of chicken soup and bring it to her if we were a month into knowing each other. At this point I feel it would be too forward. Even though we had amazing conversation twice she didn't offer up her last name. I gave her mine. I mean, that doesn't matter at this point. I'm just saying she didn't. We did talk about previous dating experiences where she told me she once had a guy over for dinner at her place on their first date. Whether or not she would've made me the same offer if she wasn't sick, who knows. I may be going out on a limb, but just for the sake of argument I'm wondering if it's possible that she's faking being Ill for some reason. The thought has crossed my mind. She would have to go to the doctor to verify she has walking pneumonia. She didn't have time to get to one.

I was just sharing my experience with you to provide a different perspective. I think you've been considerate and supportive in your communication with her. Doesn't sound like she's faking it--I think it's a lot of trouble to go through for no reason. Plus, you've only been talking for a few days--I don't see how there'd be a motive. If she were, that's a huge red flag anyway. 

Hopefully she'll be feeling better soon and you can meet up!

[Helicon5]

It's all good. After I texted her to see how she was feeling she called me we had another great conversation. I was happily surprised that she did. She liked that I was concerned about her. It's weird, our conversations are so great and she's so sweet and wonderful I have to put pinch myself that it's real. It's like we've known each other for years. I told her that and she said 'Awwe, that so sweet, yes it does'. Hard to believe. I never thought I'd ever meet anyone like her after the 2 year hiatus I had with my narcissistic ex. Funny thing is this lady is not only the complete opposite personality wise, but she's even more beautiful. She used to do modeling. 

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions. Much appreciated. 🙂

[Calmandfocused]

Well that’s a great result. 
 

So when have you arranged to meet up for the first time? If that didn’t come up in conversation why not? 
 

Rather than get invested in someone over the phone, it’s best to see them in person ASAP. Also, keep your expectations in check. 
 

Good luck 

[Lotsgoingon]

I'm with @Helicon5, I'm bothered that you've had all this phone conversation and not live meeting.

Phone conversation can--if you're not careful--be a form of texting, meaning it can be a fun activity in and of itself and not a sign of real interest in meeting up. The length of the conversations is what bothers me. I think long conversations would be great AFTER meeting someone in person. You really have to be a skilled conversationist to know how to use phone talking as a bonding step and not just fun exploring with a stranger. 

So I would chill a bit.  Wish her well if you want. 

I think the ball's in her court to show she's serious. 

[mortensorchid]

I'd reach out (if you want to meet this woman), and if she still is busy doing other things then that's that.  If she pleads her sickness, just say "I hope you feel better, let me know when you are back to normal and we'll take it from there".  That way she won't have the sickness as an excuse. 

 

[Helicon5]

On 12/23/2024 at 2:32 PM, Lotsgoingon said:

I'm with @Helicon5, I'm bothered that you've had all this phone conversation and not live meeting.

Phone conversation can--if you're not careful--be a form of texting, meaning it can be a fun activity in and of itself and not a sign of real interest in meeting up. The length of the conversations is what bothers me. I think long conversations would be great AFTER meeting someone in person. You really have to be a skilled conversationist to know how to use phone talking as a bonding step and not just fun exploring with a stranger. 

So I would chill a bit.  Wish her well if you want. 

I think the ball's in her court to show she's serious. 

I know what you mean. After talking to her Monday morning she said she was feeling better. I texted her first on Tuesday morning and we had a brief conversation through text and she said she delivers cookies and that they were going to have dinner at 4:00. I just said 'That's nice 🙂'. I noticed she was in the middle of texting me back, but then stopped, so I waited 15 minutes or so. I thought maybe she was in the middle of baking, so I replied 'if you're in the middle of baking cookies I don't want to distract you. Just hit me up when you have time'. I didn't hear back from her after that. I wasn't about to text her first again on Christmas morning. Finally she text me on Christmas day at 1:40 and sent me a picture of a rose from her garden. I replied back and also sent her 2 pics of my sisters place where we were celebrating Christmas, and she retorted with a video of her Christmas celebration. They had a Hibachi chef come in and did a cookout on her back lanai. She was seated taking the video and I noticed she had some guy standing next to her. I think it may have been her ex husband (not sure). She told me they split up 23 years ago but still remain very close. What's odd is that she told me he's single and is dating two younger strippers. She said she doesn't agree with the fact he's dating two girls half his age and that his 34 year old daughter doesn't want anything to do with him because of it. She said there's no chance of them ever getting back together, but what I don't get is if she doesn't agree with it and his daughter doesn't want anything to do with him why does she stay so close with him? It doesn't make much sense.  Since she texted me first yesterday I decided to text her this morning and asked her if she was busy because I thought about calling her. That was  two hours ago and I haven't heard back yet. She in real estate sales, but I think only does it part time. She's home most days. I'm sure she'll get back with me. She has been consistently, for the most part. I let things go as far as pushing to get together because of Christmas. When I hear from her I'm going to mention about when she'd like to get together. Christmas is over and she's no longer sick, so there shouldn't be anymore reasons not to if she's serious like you said.