Do I Have a Right To Be Jealous??

[Lila]

A few months ago my boyfriend filed a request at his job to be transferred to a different office that is closer to his home. He just found out today that he is going to be transferred in 2 weeks to the location where his former classmate/friend works who he used to mess with, but never seriously dated. NOt in the same office, but same building. Although they don't speak regularly, she recently got his friend a summer job at her office, so basiaclly he views her as a aqauintance/business connection. So he tells me that he can't be enemies with her.

 

While we were broken up for a month, he messed around with her, no sex. He told me that she sort of has a thing for him, but that he is not interested her in that way. He has not had any contact with her since we have been together. But I just don't ike the idea of them working at the same building and being able to bumpo into eachother. I already told him that I find them doing lunch or hanging out unacceptable. He says that he is not planning on having any contact with her except for hi/bye small talk.

 

I just forsee a bad situation if we have an argument and she happens to be around and they talk. I know I am probably being paranoid and over jealous, but I cant't help but to feel wierd about this whole situation.

 

Any advice or insights would be very much appreciated. Thank you.

[Tony T]

You cannot live on a daily basis with this kind of insecurity. You have to understand that this current situation is TOTALLY IRRELEVANT to how you are feeling. I hate to be the one to break the news to you, but your guy probably sees dozens of attractive, well built, kind, sweet, flirtatious and available females on a daily basis. My guess would be that if he were inclined to cheat on you or break up and see someone else, he would venture that with someone brand new.

 

Also, in the BREAKING NEWS category, until the day you die any man you may be involved with will be exposed to dozens of delicious, attractive, lovely babes on a continuing basis....like around half the people out there are female.

 

So if you can't accept this fact and be OK with it, you will drive yourself crazy.

 

This is not a jealousy issue at all. It's a distrust issue regarding your boyfriend. If you don't trust him you need to find another boyfriend. If you can't get this lady friend situation out of your mind, either seek counselling or leave this guy.

 

But no matter who you are seeing, there will be women in his past. If you guy gets together with this old flame, it was meant to be. Yes, it will hurt but what the hell are you going to do...post surveillance cameras all over his work building and in his car.

 

Give up control of your boyfriend and know he's going to do you right. If he chums up to this old flame and ends it with you, that will be very sad but it's something you have absolutely no control over. There are lots of men out there.

 

Stop the worrying or get yourself some help as soon as possible.

[midori]

I agree with the basic gist of Tony's advice. The real issue you're grappling with is trust. But I can sympathize with your misgivings about this other woman's intentions. Even if your boyfriend is completely trustworthy and above the board a friendship with someone who would like nothing better than to see him break up with you so she can have him for herself would be a worrisome thing. But I'd take heart in that your boyfriend seems to know what the deal is where this woman is concerned. He acknowledges that she's got a thing for him -- so he' s not going to get bamboozled by her.

 

What if the two of you did have a fight, and what if he then bumped into her just as they both headed out for lunch? He sounds like he's smart enough to take anything she says about his love life with a handful of salt. And if he chose to go along with what she was offering, it would only be because he wanted to, not because he was tricked or didn't see her coming.