Gf and I have been fighting a lot, am I in the wrong here?

[IhaveNoIdea199]

I just would like to know if this is normal.

My gf and i have had some fights lately. 

The problem is, every time I explain to her why i said or did what i did, she will dismiss it as me making an excuse.  It's genuinely never my intention to hurt or upset her.

The other problem is, sometimes she contributes to what caused the fight, when i gently raise this she accuses me of trying to 'gaslight her' , blame her or turn things on her.

Is this normal in a relationship? I feel like she's really harsh and unfair on me. 

For example a recent fight we had was because we ere playing a game together and during the game, she asked me if she should curl her hair when she sees me next. I told her i prefer it straight she asked me again and i said i prefer it straight. Honestly, at the time i was concentrating on the game so wasn't really giving the question much thought.

Unfortunately this turned into a big fight because she is actually naturally curly  and me saying i prefer her hair straight was really offensive to her because it indicates i don't like her natural hair. Obviously at the time i didn't even think about this, i tried to explain to her i was distracted, and i actually do love her hair curly or straight or however she styles it.

BUT NOPE, she does not accept that as an excuse.

It just sucks and feels so unfair sometimes, i know we are all different and she is entitled to how she feels, but i genuinely was distracted by the game, 

When things got heated i also told her how, i would prefer if she does not ask me such questions during gaming because i can't concentrate / answer properly and BOOM = NOPE UR TURNING THINGS AROUND ON ME, UR BLAMING ME ETC.

What the hell am i meant to do? 

Am i in the wrong here? I feel so confused and upset, i never maent to hurt her but things like this keep happening all the time. Maybe it's my fauilt for not thinking more carefully before answering her questions? 

edit - I also want to add, as soon as i realise i said the wrong thing i immediately apologise, give her reassurance and tell her what i was meant to say, but its never enough.

Edited December 23, 2024 by IhaveNoIdea199

[basil67]

Based on your one example of her hair styling, her question was setting you up to fail.  And her response about you 'gaslighting' her or not would not be acceptable to me.   I also hope that you didn't apologise for giving a genuine answer to her question, because you did nothing wrong.

If you're going to stay with her, you're going to have to learn to stand up for yourself.   

[Gebidozo]

She asked you a question, you gave her an honest answer. You shouldn’t apologize for something that wasn’t wrong. This is just giving her green light to keep bullying you.

[ShyViolet]

No I don't think you're in the wrong here.  It sounds like she keeps picking fights with you over nothing and she's being very immature.  And she keeps throwing around the term "gaslighting" in order to refuse to take accountability for her part in picking these fights.  She sounds exhausting to be around, I'm honestly not sure why you are putting up with this.  If she's going to act like an immature child, constantly picking fights and being unpleasant to be around most of the time, then it's time to put an end to this.