My bf(42M) hates cars and insists on using public transit

[confusedandazed]

I have always been aware of my bf's dislike of cars, but since moving to here to CA, his hatred has seemed to grow worse. Hardly a day goes by where he doesn't say something negative in regards to cars. He thinks they're an unnecessary expense and bad for the environment, even electric ones. He has begged me to sell my 2020 Camry(which is paid off) and just use public transit and/or walk. He created a detailed spreadsheet trying to prove how much I will save each month if I get rid of my car. I pay for all car-related expenses (I work in software) so it really doesn't affect him financially whatsoever. When we need to go to the grocery store/target/sams club, we walk or ride the bus. (average weekend for us involves walking average 7-10 miles) I don't mind the walking or using public transit w/ him, but more recently after a promotion at work, I'd like to trade in my camry for a nicer, AWD vehicle. I love driving in the mountains and want to try car camping. He is very against this and gets upset when I talk about it. He won't stop me, but sometimes I wonder if it is worth the stress. Also, as a young female in my early 30s, I don't feel safe riding public transit alone. He says I'm being paranoid and "scared of the world". In my area, there have been several stabbings and shootings in busses/trains over the past year.

Also, I'd love to visit some state parks and hiking trails around the area, but he only wants to visit the ones that we can bike to(yes, we're talking biking 50 or so miles) or that are accessible by bus, which is kind of limiting, especially during certain times of the year. We both enjoying backpacking, so some trails/parks are only accessible by car.

He doesn't have a car and is encouraging his teenage sons to live the same lifestyle. It's about the "unnecessary expense" more than anything else...I've never heard of anyone being like this in my life. How should I handle this situation? I don't understand why he hates them SO much.

[basil67]

I'd like to say hates them so much because of their impact on the environment and the cost.   Question is though, does he otherwise live a green lifestyle?  Buying used clothes and household goods?   Does he work in an industry which has minimal environmental impact?  Is his house set up with solar panels?  Does he reject fossil fuels for heating?  Because if he doesn't do these things, then he's a big fat hypocrite!

How to handle it? I'm guessing that you've been tactfully defending your choices and yet he persists.  Now is time to be blunt.  "I am fed up with this conversation.  I like to have a car.  I am going to keep driving a car.  I am going to buy a new AWD car.  And you can STFU"

[Gebidozo]

His arguments against cars aren’t very convincing, but that’s not even the point. It’s your right to like and use cars just as it is his right to dislike and avoid them. Even when you do something together, he shouldn’t always be the one who gets it his way. But when it’s about your own activities, he should really tone it down. He has expressed his opinion once, you know it, he knows that your opinion is different, end of story. He can’t keep putting stress on you telling you how bad cars are every time you want to use one. You should tell him directly that if he wants to be with you he must accept it that cars are part of your life.

[ShyViolet]

You need to be more blunt and tell him that you don't plan on getting rid of your car, and that it's time for him to STOP telling you what to do, and not to bring it up again.  This guy sounds exhausting.  Anyone who is weirdly obsessed with one particular topic and won't stop preaching about it to anyone around them is not someone who a lot of people will put up with for very long.  I'd be very blunt with him and tell him to stop lecturing you about this, period.  If he can't respect that, maybe you and him are not compatible for living together.