Looking for support and resources after a big break up

[rockhound310]

Hi all, and thank you for taking the time to read my thread

I just joined the site after looking for some support resources and advice, as I have no idea where to go from here. I am originally from the West Coast, yet moved to the East Coast in 2021. I had to move abruptly when the mother of my daughter decided to move to the East Coast to pursue a love interest (which has been positive for her, and they are married with 2 more children now). I was upset at first due to having to leave my beautiful home, many belongings, and just take what I could in my vehicle, find a new place, new job, new start - I did it successfully for the most part with a few bumps along the way. Either way, that's how I got to the part of the US i am in now. 

After a first rough year here, I met. a girl on a dating app, and it started very good, a lot of love and lot of giving. We gave everything to each other, including co-buying some nice things as we "built our new life together". She, going through a divorce from her still husband, had been separated the same amount of time I was single and re-building, she too was rebuilding. We combined forces and all of a sudden felt like we were wealthy, with 2 big earners, unlike what I had experienced ever before; a power couple. We were awesome!

Then, after about a year, she seemed different, self-sabotaging everything and felt like she was trying to get me to leave at the slightest glitch. I didn't, and stuck by her. She went through several series of manic / depressive symptoms, and we were arguing a lot during this time because everyday was different, scary, and police started getting involved. She was arrested after a public episode that was terrifying, and she realized she needed help. Turns out, she is Bipolar II, and she realized she has been that way her whole life, but just didn't affect her life as it has now. She is now finally after 2 years on medication for bipolar disorder. 

Another hard topic is the kids... I have a daughter and she has a son; both of whom now don't get to see each other because her son had been hurtful to my daughter enough times for her to ask to not see him. So, now her son hasn't been coming over, and she had been with me except when she has her son; this mainly because I asked for family counseling for them, and she refuses.

Long story short, she moved down south to live with her family, as a 39 year old parent of a 6 year old, and is giving her son to his father full-time. She says she is severely mentally ill and needs help; I get it, that is hard. But, as a result, I have been ghosted by her, her family, and anyone involved. Radio silence, no help, no-one cares. 

A few months ago, we were living in our large home, new beautiful truck, had just inherited some good nest-egg money, and was about to start a business. In a matter of weeks, she completely disengages from me, little talk, no emotion, and found she was talking to other men, several. I called her out on it, and she just got more silent, and hid everything from me. Even if I asked for some clue of what was going on, no answer, no help or clarity; she just said she's mentally ill.

This week, we argued about how we have to sell the house, the truck is being repo'd, same with our travel trailer, pretty much all is going away. She hasn't worked and won't try, and just sulks and says it's all gonna go. Well, it is now going after I gave all my inheritance, I am working a lot and I have dumped almost $100k this year into the relationship and saving things as she choses to not work and not try any longer. 

I am living in our travel trailer in the snow in a campground over winter in the north east USA, in negative temps, in a trailer. She is down south with her family. She took the house keys so I can not get the rest of my belongings (my most valuable things are there), she took the truck (which will be repo'd any day), and she blocked my access to pay the payments on the trailer (my current / new living spot), so I will need emergency housing any week now. So, I went from having "it all", to now having no home, no car, and no family within 3000 miles, no friends here really. I do have a job and joint custody of my daughter, a lot of stuff I already had stored in the trailer for a rainy day, and a cute puppy we adopted 6 months ago. I work hard to support my daughter with child support and a home when she is with me, and can continue to do so; I will just need housing ASAP. My family, although not close by is helping me also if needed. 

I am in North New Jersey, and am awaiting the moment when they come to take the trailer, and I will need to move my things and go. But where? Does anyone know a good resource in this area that I can reach out to for temporary help, maybe a few weeks worth of housing (I can pay for). I started looking for rentals, and i will continue to do that, but it's happening so fast and all at once, I am scared I will be stranded any day.

I guess I could use some friends here, a guiding light or simple kind gesture, potential for a trailer I can buy and not be worried about repossession, and hopefully a place to live that isn't scrutinizing my credit issues from this, or the fact I have a dog. I am hoping to recover from this quickly so i don't lose more or need to sell / give things away out of desperation. I assume I have about 1-2 weeks left here, maybe a month maximum. The saddest part for me, is i called her family to ask for help on her behalf regarding losing our assets and housing, and they have no help or advice for me, except "guess you need to move on". Literally, no word from the woman I had been engaged to for over a year, and her family avoiding the conversation with me to just look the other. way and walk; nothing to see here, just go, we have no answers for you, sorry buddy that's life... Jarring and ruthless, cruel and cowardly. So cowardly, especially after I gave so much to have them turn and not care at all, as if they planned to take from me and time it perfectly so I would experience the most suffering.

Edited December 29, 2024 by rockhound310

[basil67]

6 hours ago, rockhound310 said:

She took the house keys so I can not get the rest of my belongings (my most valuable things are there), she took the truck (which will be repo'd any day), and she blocked my access to pay the payments on the trailer

Sounds like you've had a very rough time.  As your financial situation is the most important part, that's where I'm going to focus

• You've made mention of two beautiful homes.  Were they rented or does at least one of them form part of your assets?
• She can't legally stop you from getting your belongings.  Report her to the police for theft
• Who's name was the truck in?  If it was yours, again, this is theft
• How can she block your access to make payments on the trailer?  What have you done about finding another way to make payments?

 

[ShyViolet]

You bought a house with a woman you were not married to?  Not a smart move at all.  How long had you been with her when you bought the house together?

I'm not sure why you keep contacting her family.  She's your ex, you shouldn't be in contact with her family members.  That's weird.  And they are making it clear to you that they think it's inappropriate of you to contact them.