do any woman marry for Companionship alone without sex

[Foxhall]

Well, some of you are familiar with me ( I was a frequent poster for a few years- not so much now)- I dont think any of my previous postings are relevant to this topic. My love life in short- I’ve had a few women over the years- recently I spent too long in the wrong relationship and effectively blew the chance of a reunion with my former love, the love of my life and all that,

 

Anyway, leaving the above aside, where I’m at now is I am 44 (relatively young but noticing am not as young as I used to be and the hot attractive younger women, well, are for the majority of the time out of my reach. The last few months have seen me trying to get back out there again with limited success or no success thus far, the online world has moved on since I was last there and I seem to be struggling in terms of photo attractiveness- getting swiped left instead of right 9 times out of 10 etc. I’ve also tried a few real life plays and secured a couple of dates but nothing has developed.

From a sexual perspective I am only attracted to pretty younger women , I am happy to date average looking women of a similar age to me , and while I can enjoy their companionship , I am not remotely interested sexually in them,

A recent date a woman slightly older than me wanted to initiate a sexual encounter and I just found it stressful and exhausting and could not wait to leave. I don’t think it’s a physical problem, I am a relatively fit guy, I still have sexual interest in a younger woman with whom I have a type of friends with benefits arrangement with ,although she is engaged to another and has no interest in a long-term relationship.

I guess the question I am asking is are there any women out there who will marry or be someone’s long term partner for companionship alone and not have any need for sex. I find that women of a similar age to me are quite interested in sex , but they tend to be at least slightly overweight, not especially attractive , and as I said above, I find that type of physical encounter a strain. I am only interested sexually in younger women with toned figures etc.

I would be prepared to marry someone for companionship alone, I enjoy talking to women and going on dates , spending time with them and all that but I have no interest in going to bed with them.

So, I don’t know- any advice for me- or am I confined to a life of bachelorhood.

Thank you for taking the time to read

[basil67]

The problem with your attraction is that it's staying stagnant while you're getting older.  I worry that if you do find a slim attractive 34yo, she's going to get older.  Will you then lose attraction to her because her body will change over the years?   

If you're going to have a relationship which is simply about companionship, what are you going to do about sex?   Would you still be thinking about sex with younger, more attractive women?  

[Gebidozo]

If you marry for companionship, how are you going to satisfy your sexual needs? You can’t live with one woman “for companionship” while secretly dreaming about younger women with toned bodies. I hope you aren’t planning to cheat, because that never works. Also, I doubt there are many women who would marry someone knowing that he isn’t interested in them sexually. Why would a woman subject herself to that?

Why don’t you just find a younger woman to whom you are sexually attracted? Say, a 30-35 year old one. Of course, she won’t stay young forever, but you do realize that, right? You can still enjoy her youth for a while, and she’ll always be younger than you.

In any case, don’t date and marry anyone you aren’t sexually interested in. That will invariably lead to all sorts of disaster.

 

Edited December 30, 2024 by Gebidozo

[BaileyB]

Are there women who have chosen for whatever reason to stay in a sexless marriage - most definitely. 

Would I begin a new relationship with a man who is not attracted to me and does not want to have a sexual relationship - absolutely not. 

I’m most definitely not going to marry a man who is only attracted to younger women with hard bodies… as you have not matured, I would think that most women have and they are unlikely to chose a man with this kind of preference. 

Edited December 30, 2024 by BaileyB

[Alpacalia]

Foxers! I think you're 100% honest about your situation and I thank you for that.

I'm going to reply, not as a woman but as someone that believes in people no matter if they're male or female.

I think my question to you would be like, what do you actually want? Cos it sounds like what you really want is a relationship with someone who is over 10 years younger.

I mean I'm sorry if I sound like a sarcastic b**** here, but it sounds like you only want to date models who are younger then you who's the perfect personal trainer otherwise you're not interested in having sex with them. 

You have very specific physical preferences and you also value sexual attraction a lot in a relationship. That's completely valid! However, it may limit your options in terms of finding a compatible long-term partner because physical beauty fades, a lot different things can interfere with your sexual relationship, and you'll be aging as well. 

I would also recommend that you try to look beneath the surface. Yes, beauty and attraction are a huge part of life, but they shouldn't be a foundation of a partnership. It's great to appreciate physical beauty but doormen to earth and find people that can inspire and challenge you in different ways. 

Don't give up on your dreams, I think you'll find someone just by being honest about what you want and also being open to varied experiences.

[Foxhall]

On 12/29/2024 at 10:34 PM, basil67 said:

If you're going to have a relationship which is simply about companionship, what are you going to do about sex?   Would you still be thinking about sex with younger, more attractive women?

Honestly Yes, 

the younger woman I mentioned in my post,

I met her over 12 years ago- she is now 37,

she rejected my advances at first,  but a few years after approached me about a transactional arrangement- that she would give me occasional sexual encounters in return for business supports,

we now meet about four times a year for such encounters and have a reasonable friendship in the form of some phone calls and texts otherwise,

From my point of view it is enjoyable it keeps me young and she will likely still look good when shes 50 +,

sex without love though does not fulfil me either,

Is it fair that I would still see this woman if in a relationship with another- that is a different question- but I can justify it on the basis of getting a raw deal from a few women over the years- and in that sense I dont or would not feel guilty. Maybe I will change my view if I meet the right companion and love her enough not to look elsewhere.

 

[Foxhall]

On 12/30/2024 at 12:52 AM, Gebidozo said:

n any case, don’t date and marry anyone you aren’t sexually interested in. That will invariably lead to all sorts of disaster.

 

I take your point. For now I will probably keep trying for another while to meet someone who I also find sexually attractive along with enjoying their company,

but if that does not happen, maybe just finding a companion without sex I am thinking could be the future.

[Foxhall]

On 12/30/2024 at 4:59 AM, Alpacalia said:

Don't give up on your dreams, I think you'll find someone just by being honest about what you want and also being open to varied experiences.

Thank You, Youve always given me great advice (if only Id listened two years ago to you)

the only positive at this point-I think I am ready to leave that behind or almost gotten to a point of moving on,

the main issue at the moment is the only women who are interested in a relationship are ones I am not sexually attracted to,

but Yes I will not give up just yet- people I have asked in real life say the same- no one is encouraging me on this companion type idea,

so will give it more time.

 

 

Edited December 31, 2024 by Foxhall

[Foxhall]

On 12/30/2024 at 4:09 AM, BaileyB said:

Would I begin a new relationship with a man who is not attracted to me and does not want to have a sexual relationship - absolutely not. 

Fair enough- I am interested in hearing a woman's perspective on the companion idea.

[fadi20]

Your post is very honest and introspective. It's clear you're grappling with some complex feelings and desires. Here are a few thoughts:

1. Self-Reflection: It's great that you're aware of your preferences and limitations. However, it might be worth exploring why you feel this way. Sometimes, our preferences can be influenced by societal standards or past experiences.
2. Open Communication: If you're looking for a long-term partner, it's crucial to be open and honest about your needs and expectations. There are people who might be looking for companionship without a strong emphasis on physical intimacy.
3. Broaden Your Horizons: While physical attraction is important, emotional and intellectual connections can also be deeply fulfilling. You might find that someone who doesn't fit your initial "type" can still bring a lot of joy and satisfaction to your life.
4. Professional guidance: Consider speaking with a therapist or counselor. They can help you navigate these feelings and provide strategies for finding a fulfilling relationship.

Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all answer to relationships. It's about finding what works best for you and being open to possibilities.

[stillafool]

How young are you talking about?  20s or 30s?

[S2B]

If you are really upfront at the very beginning of any possible relationship and include your sexual encounters arrangement situation for exchange of business - then it should be fair to that person considering you to date.

anything less than full transparency isn’t fair to the person you should be presenting it to.

[NuevoYorko]

I feel like you kind of have to erase your current mindset and start with a clean slate.   There are several scenarios that would probably work for you if you could find women who would be happy with them as well.  That said, you would be a sorry partner for a woman who loved you fully but who was not physically attractive to you.  That would be torture for the woman.   

Why don't you forget about what type of woman are the "only" ones you find sexually attractive.   It would help if you weren't categorizing woman into "fat and old" and "young and hot" compartments.   

And they proceed to do what the rest of people looking for love do:   seek a woman who you really like, who is sexually attractive to you, and who feels the same way about you.   

You said your FWB will probably still be attractive at 50, so evidently you are able to be attracted to women who are not young.   There are probably women out there who can fulfill your relationship needs.

[NuevoYorko]

I also would like to ask you a question:  Do you use pornography regularly?    I do recall some of your threads from the past and looked back to see that I had remembered correctly:  you have had sexual performance issues for years.   That brought me to wondering whether your sexuality has become all about a certain type of woman and not really connected in any way to whole people.   

This is not uncommon with men whose sex lives are mostly happening with porn, or maybe webcam entertainers, where the man can pick his favorite physical type every time, and it never crosses over into relationship territory.

It doesn't really matter about the porn except that if this is the case, you probably have a simpler, if not "easier," path to a different way of having a relationship than looking for an asexual "companion" who you don't find attractive on purpose.  

That would entail changing the porn habit.

[Els]

On 12/30/2024 at 7:48 AM, Foxhall said:

I guess the question I am asking is are there any women out there who will marry or be someone’s long term partner for companionship alone and not have any need for sex

The answer to that question is probably yes, some of these women exist, especially if you are wealthy and willing to share that wealth. But for you it's a bit more complicated than that, don't you think?

Firstly, it's extremely unlikely that any woman is going to accept your FWB relationship with a third party, unless she is poly (which means that she will be sleeping with other men too). Is this something that you think you would be okay with - that she will be seeing other men?

Secondly as others have said, it's problematic that your sexual desires have not matured with you, so even if you did magically find a young woman who likes you, she will get older.

And thirdly it's bizarre that you would rather twist your life into pretzels like this instead of trying to figure out why your sexual tastes aren't developing with your age like most people's do. Yes, lots of people your age of both genders can find younger people attractive, but that doesn't usually preclude them from having healthy sexual relationships with age appropriate peers. The fact that you are dismissing this possibility right off the bat would be a red flag to just about ANY woman with a modicum of common sense, regardless of her age or need for sex.

So, I think you need to talk to a sexual therapist, because this sounds like it's way above our pay grade.

Edited December 31, 2024 by Els

[basil67]

9 hours ago, Foxhall said:

Honestly Yes, 

the younger woman I mentioned in my post,

I met her over 12 years ago- she is now 37,

she rejected my advances at first,  but a few years after approached me about a transactional arrangement- that she would give me occasional sexual encounters in return for business supports,

we now meet about four times a year for such encounters and have a reasonable friendship in the form of some phone calls and texts otherwise,

From my point of view it is enjoyable it keeps me young and she will likely still look good when shes 50 +,

sex without love though does not fulfil me either,

Is it fair that I would still see this woman if in a relationship with another- that is a different question- but I can justify it on the basis of getting a raw deal from a few women over the years- and in that sense I dont or would not feel guilty. Maybe I will change my view if I meet the right companion and love her enough not to look elsewhere.

 

So what would be the point of getting married?  Moreover, what's the benefit for your imaginary non-sexual wife?

[NuevoYorko]

9 hours ago, Foxhall said:

Is it fair that I would still see this woman if in a relationship with another- that is a different question- but I can justify it on the basis of getting a raw deal from a few women over the years- and in that sense I dont or would not feel guilty. Maybe I will change my view if I meet the right companion and love her enough not to look elsewhere.

 

I just noticed this.  This is completely unacceptable.  "A few"  women gave you a "raw deal" (which begs the question:  what did you contribute to those situations?   We all know that it generally takes two.  Pure victimhood is not common.

Anyway, you can find it within yourself to use this as justification to effectively cheat on future women in your life?

This makes me think that you are very much NOT relationship material for anyone at this time.   Please try to get some kind of professional help before dragging any other people into such a quagmire.  

[Foxhall]

37 minutes ago, basil67 said:

So what would be the point of getting married?  Moreover, what's the benefit for your imaginary non-sexual wife?

I venture I can prove to be a decent partner in a lot of ways- a good partner in almost every other way but apart from sex,

sleep in separate bedrooms.

I had a five year relationship up to this year,

In the first three years I did not enjoy the sex but I managed ok for the sake of the relationship,

eventually I lost interest completely in the last year- I dont think that was the main reason for the break up but it was probably a factor.

[Foxhall]

2 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

I also would like to ask you a question:  Do you use pornography regularly?

Pornography- never had any interest being honest,

I have engaged in some activities which you might consider questionable- I will disclose as perhaps it is related to the problem,

I have engaged over the years erotic massage services and in a few instances developed real life friendships with some of the ladies working in that industry,

those women tend to be physically very beautiful  , and emotionally actually also Ive found them good company,

but maybe their beauty has impacted on me, not finding more regular women for want of a better word, as attractive.

 

[Foxhall]

34 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said:

This makes me think that you are very much NOT relationship material for anyone at this time.

certainly my head has not been right for a relationship for most of this year,

Its only in the last six weeks or so Im trying to "get out there again"

but maybe your right- I need more time before dating again.

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, Foxhall said:

I venture I can prove to be a decent partner in a lot of ways- a good partner in almost every other way but apart from sex,

sleep in separate bedrooms.

What would be the point in marrying her?   Why not just give a free room to someone who's happy to be your companion, but you're both free to have sex with others?

[NuevoYorko]

1 minute ago, Foxhall said:

but maybe your right- I need more time before dating again.

The two most crucial aspects IMO are:  

1.   That it's okay for you do treat women poorly because you think other women have done the same to you in the past.   What past women have done doesn't give you permission to treat other people poorly; people who haven't done anything to you.

2.   You would benefit from working towards merging your sexual wants and needs with your emotional ones.   

Having a fulfilling sexual relationship within the context of a very close emotional one is the best.   

 

[S2B]

Are you taking any medication that affects your brain? 
it’s possible that some meds also affect libido. 

[Foxhall]

I do take some herbal medicines,

My preferred option is as a few people have mentioned , probably a slightly or fairly younger women - between 7 and 10 years younger,

that I also find her sexually attractive and that sex and love can be part of the relationship,

but I bear some of the scars of life- mental ones especially- and am conscious of the idea "life will not work out the way we want"  " the things we want the most always elude us"

so Im adjusting to this mindset- I will keep trying but its probably going to be difficult to land an attractive 35 year old woman (whats attractive- for me its that they are in good shape look after themselves, look hot physically and are also a nice person)

the fall back option or my Plan B is to marry someone over 40- not as physically attractive but if they are a nice person we can still build a life together just not so much a physical intimacy one- 

why marry them as opposed to a roommate- well I suppose still need to feel have that special someone who is in my corner and my rock and so on- 

a woman to look after me and so on- and that each of us has each other and that we are not lonely.

[basil67]

I've sometimes wondered what my future would look like if I found myself widowed.  I can imagine having a non-sexual male companion, but couldn't see the point in marrying him or living together if he's simply a companion/dear friend

In answer to your question, I think the only way this would happen is if you married someone who was asexual and agreed to stopping seeing sex workers.  But do you really want a celibate life?