LDR should I end my friendship with my male bf for the Man I love

[bykrgirl2021]

He doesn't have friendships with the opposite sex. I do, and to make it more complicated my male bf and I did sleep together once several years ago. We agreed our friendship was more important and we didn't want to lose it later down the line so we never crossed that boundary again. Now the man I love is uncomfortable with me having this friendship. What should I do? 

[basil67]

Most of us can't sustain friendships with ex lovers because it gets weird in the relationship.   You're going to have to make a choice between your boyfriend or your friend

[BaileyB]

I don’t think your boyfriend is being unreasonable. As basil said, most people don’t continue to have close relationships with their ex’s because it gets hard when new people come into the equation.

Normally, I would say that you have the right to be friends with whomever you chose as long as you maintain an appropriate and respectable boundary. But, there is a history here that would make anyone uncomfortable. If you love this man, then you owe him the respect as your partner to not engage in relationships with other men that make him uncomfortable. 

Edited December 30, 2024 by BaileyB

[Gebidozo]

Always a tough call, this one.

In my opinion, it’s all about the degree of friendship. How close is your friendship with that man? If it’s exchanging text messages, meeting each other while other people are present, etc., then I think your new BF could accept that. If it’s one-on-one meetings, especially in each other’s houses, I’d be uncomfortable, and I imagine so would be he.

Perhaps you could tone down your friendship a bit, to show some goodwill to your new BF while still keeping contact with your friend.

I don’t think your BF has the right to demands who you should be friends with, but if he’s feeling uncomfortable you might want to compromise a bit.

 

[Foxhall]

Partners/lovers come and go but friends tend to stay around longer,

your man should learn to accept your friendship with the long term friend and I would not give him that power over you that he can decide on your friendships. 

choosing is off the table- your lover does not get to have a choice in this.