Past consensual degrading sex. Now feel disgusted and violated

[howtodeal]

I broke up with my emotionally abuse boyfriend almost a year ago. The only way the he liked to have sex was very degrading. He always had to have anal sex while calling me a dirty whore. He would always say that he loved feeling like he was violating my body. I went along with it because that is what he liked and I did that back then. He even enjoyed rape porn, which I found out soon before I broke up with him.

 

I now feel disgusted when I think about having sex. I feel like it is violating my body.

 

I used to be a pretty sexual person with my boyfriends, but now I can't get over how he made me felt. I'm not quite sure who to get over this and want to enjoy even a heathly sexual relationship with somebody.

[fatherlucien]

First off; a clear warning, I've never been in a abusive relationship and can only sympathize with your pain.

 

That said, perhaps some advice:

1) Love makes sex better but not nec. vice versa.

2) For a while it may be best to be your own partner (if you catch my drift), so that when/if you decide to resume anal/oral/vaginal/whatever else activity, you will know your limits and preferences.

3) Abuse victims feeling like they need to be abused, seek out abusive relationships, if you start to feel worthless or in need of punishment, please go see a shrink ASAP. You'll feel better and it may even save your life!

4) Disgust, regret, worry, sorrow. All of these are negative emotions that most of us wish to avoid. However, very few people realize that these emotions do not have to rule you. The secret is this: accept it. When you are disgusted, be disgusted until it subsides. Permit it to exist but do not feed it or deny it and it will go for good. When sad, be sad. do not think of things sadder or things happier but let the sadness take you and soon you will see that without some emotion be it contrary or supplimentry, that negative emotion will fade into the wind. Meditation, prayer and other forms of calming the mind makes this pratice even more effective. (note: I'm not trying to push my religion, so for the atheists, you can meditate, the theists can pray to their God and for those who can't believe, they can take my word for it as is or make a choice between that of which I've already presented).

5) Lastly, be happy.