Did She Cheat ? It's Been a Long Process.

[natetaysom]

It's been a long slow process of trying to get information out of my wife about something that may have happened a few years ago in 2021. Back then we were going through sorta a rough time in our marriage. I was working long hours, and she also worked too. She would work after our ...... was off of school on like a swing shift with a local store as a cashier/self check out helper.

Well long story short, back then I notice that she started to get friendly with a guy online, which at first was not a huge deal. But as a few months go by, I can see that her online comments to were getting more and more "friendly". After I did some digger myself, I found out the guy was a traveling worker that had been at the store she works at doing some upgrades to the store. I begin to look on our phone records that she also had been sends lots of txts back to a number that was out of state. Then on day she left a comment on one of his online pages and he told her that it would be better if she would get a seperate texting app. to txt from now on.
After that I could tell what was going on. Because she never did send any more text's to the out of state number, or comment on this guys online page. Till one night, her phone just happen to ping with a message and it was sitting on a table next to me. It was just a simple message asking what she was doing right now.
Well, that's when I let her know I sorta knew that something is going on. And spelled some things out about us. She admitted that she meet this guy at work, and a relationship with him was just starting to get warmed up. And it was because how things were going with us at the time.

I asked her at the time, how far it has gone with him, and she just said " It hasn't really gone anywhere" " This just sorta really just started and nothing has happen between them" "She didn't have sex with him or anything like that". She went on to tell that she hadn't meet him in private or nothing. Well, right then she sent a txt to him cutting him off from her. And a few days later he did get moved across the country. We got our marriage and life right again and everythingss been good since then. That was all back in 2021.

Cut to just the other day. We were drinking, and letting lose about alot of our past adventure's with partners long before we got married, stuff we never talked about before. We were laughing about past lovers. Then I did bring out about the guy that was at her store back in 2021. She was like "Oh him, we were just having those troubles with us. And he was a little younger, and was muscular and hot " " And he has started to flirt and pay attention to her alot" which " Made her feel special again".
Then I asked her how far did it really.... go with him? I told her that I just wanted to know and it was along time ago, and water under the bridge. She would almost say something then stop. Then I asked if he ever asked her out? She said "Yes". Then I ask her was it back to his place? " She said "Yes".

I asked her did you go? She didn't answer right away, then " Yes. I went to he's house" Then I asked her then what? have far did it go. She just said "It didn't go far, he invited me in and did try to get "close" with her, but she stopped everything before anything happen with him".
Right then she just told me to not to worry about the past and she then just changed the subject to something else. It's been along process and getting more out of my wife about what happen back then. But more is coming out. And the more that comes out it sounds like in my mind that something did happen with her and him. What do you guys think?

[Sony12]

In all honesty it's possible something happened physically between them and also possible it didn't. Only your wife and this gentleman knows. If she agreed to go back to his place she was at least thinking about doing at least something with him. But she also could have had second thoughts once she got there.

At the same time saying they didn't have sex is a very gray area as there are other things they could have done without having actual intercourse and some people don't consider that sex. For instance making out and a woman giving a younger guy a blowjob is a very common thing that happens when they go back to one of their places and it isn't technically 'intercourse'.

Ask her if they did anything at all physically. As it's easy to get around 'no we didn't have sex'. Because that can still be true even if they did do 'some' stuff.

 

 

Edited January 2 by Sony12

[Chris1953]

Of course they came into physical contact, they're not children, they're grown people, what else would they do in his house.??
She tells you little by little because she has remorse and her insides are eating away at her, press her a little more and she'll tell you that they kissed and then hugged and then had sex.

[Foxhall]

There is no doubt she was banging him for a little while- Do you want people to tell you it did not happen,

you know in your heart it did,

you were going through a difficult period in the relationship- she can be forgiven for a little fall from grace,

all good again between you now- leave it that way and be happy you have her back.

[Felix78]

Honestly (and talking from personal experience) based on what you said, she probably did cheat.

Is it really a big deal to you if she did? If not, let it go and don't tie yourself in knots over it. She's with you now and it sounds like you're in a better place.

If it is a big deal, and you really want the truth, then you could do what I did with my wife when I suspected she'd cheated on me.

A few years ago she went out with her boss a few times, she kept saying it was work related but it all seemed a bit odd. They kept texting each other and she was acting secretive, I just knew something was up. it went on for a few weeks, then it abruptly stopped. I had strong suspicions and I sensed that in a way she wanted to tell me about it, to get it off her chest, but she was afraid of the consequences. Perhaps your wife is in a similar frame of mind, otherwise she wouldn't have told you about going to that guy's house. But you blew it by asking all those questions and being so persistent, she must have sensed your jealousy and stopped herself from telling the whole truth.

I knew that sort of thing wouldn't work with my wife, so instead I gradually led her to believe that the thought of her sleeping with another guy was a turn-on to me. I introduced it into our sex sessions  as a fantasy scenario, and she went along with it. Initially I used fictional men or celebrities, but later I started using people we both knew personally. When I felt she trusted enough that this was a genuine kink of mine, I told her during sex that it would be such a turn-on for me to find out she's cheated on me in the past. In the heat of the moment, the whole truth came out about the affair she'd had with her boss. Everything turned out to be exactly as I'd imagined it. She even seemed to relish telling me about it.

I never told her that it had all been an elaborate plan to get her to confess. Even after sex had finished, I just played it cool, asking a few more casual questions, and she happily gave me a few more details. Turns out, she ended it out of guilt and fear of being found out. 

To this day, she still believes I have a cuckold fetish, but I've been using those scenarios less and less, because in truth they don't turn me on. Every now and then I bring up her boss in conversation, just to gauge whether she's thinking of restarting the affair, but being careful not to sound too inquisitive. She always says nothing else has happened and I have no reason to think she's lying. Besides her boss has now had her, so he's probably moved on to someone else.

As for her infidelity, I struggled with it initially, but I've had a lot of time to think about it and ultimately I've made my peace with it. She has a high libido, I knew this when I married her and it suited me when I was young and full of testosterone. These days I struggle to satisfy her and I know she masturbates daily, so it's no big surprise that when the opportunity presented itself, with a man in a position of power and whom she found attractive, she went for it. I've had similar thoughts about women at my work, and the only reason I never acted on those thoughts is that I'm not attractive enough for any of them to actually want to sleep with me. But it's not because I hold any major belief in monogamy, which in truth I think is given too much value by western society. We all have fantasies about other people. Some of us never have the opportunity to act upon them. Of the people who do get that opportunity, some choose to use it and some don't. My wife did, but even if she hadn't, it wouldn't have changed the fact that she was being unfaithful in her head all the time. God knows who she thinks about when she masturbates, but I know one thing for sure - it ain't me. I masturbate to porn and look at other women all the time. We're all unfaithful in our heads. The fact that for a few weeks she let another man stick her penis in her vagina doesn't cancel out any of the wonderful things she does for me on a daily basis. She has chosen to remain my companion, in spite of all my faults and shortcomings, and I don't take that for granted.

Maybe focus on that, instead of obsessing over what may or may not have happened between your wife and some guy who's now gone from her life anyway.

Best of luck.

Edited January 5 by Felix78