HELP! I need advice

[champagne]

I have this really bad situation going on. I have a boyfriend and a best friend. My boy friend really trusts me and is in love with me deeply, we've been together for 2 and a half years, and me and my best friend have been friends for 11 years. She was seeing this guy who she really was feeling for about a year. They are not together, I mean he does his own thing and she does hers, so there is no type of commitment there what so ever. But she does care about him alot. Well the other night me and this man were chillin and one thing led to another and we ended up having sex. The problem is that it was so passionate and so awesome. We felt perfect together. Well his sister walked in and found out. She also talks to my friend.

 

So I don't know if I should tell my friend before she finds out from the sister, or if I should just let a little time pass and see how it all works out. And I don't even think that my friend will care because she is seeing like 5 other guys. But now after he had me he don't want anything to do with her and she is wondering why.

 

So what would you do. I know it sounds bad, but I never did anything so devious before and it's not even like me at all to do that, but it felt so right even though it was so wrong.

[Tony T]

Oh, great. Not only do you have sex with a guy your friend is seeing but you do so in such a place that your friend's sister can walk in a see you. Wow, you really know how to plan things.

 

You have lost a friend either way. You can tell her now or you can wait until her sister tells her. I promise you, she will fine out someway and even if she's seeing a thousand other guys, she's not going to consider you a friend any longer.

 

I hope your sex was as awesome as you say because you screwed yourself out of a best friend as well.

 

You don't seem to care what your boyfriend thinks about this so I guess you really don't care if you lose him or not...but you will.

 

Things like this don't happen inadvertantly, even if you're drunk out of your mind. People are in control of sexual situation. There's a price for everything.

 

I wish I had better news for you. Forgive yourself and do whatever you want. No matter, the result will be the same.

[champagne]

well Tony, I'd have to call you wrong on this one. I told my friend, she don't care. She is a little pissed off, but thats all.

Oh, great. Not only do you have sex with a guy your friend is seeing but you do so in such a place that your friend's sister can walk in a see you. Wow, you really know how to plan things.

 

You have lost a friend either way. You can tell her now or you can wait until her sister tells her. I promise you, she will fine out someway and even if she's seeing a thousand other guys, she's not going to consider you a friend any longer.

Well Tony, I'd have to say that I shouldn't have asked for advice from you because I don't care if my boyfriend finds out. And my friend has so many other guys that she is seeing that I really doubt she'll care. And I didn't plan on his sister coming home, and I never said that I had an excuse for doing this. It was wrong, but so right. Therefore you should read these things a little more thorough before the advice part comes.

[Tony T]

Well, that's just dandy.

 

But I will never find anything positive about screwing the people my friends are dating. Of course, you and I have a whole different set of philosophies and morals.

 

And don't bet for a minute your friend isn't really pissed. She doesn't want you to know. She's probably in total shock. This unconscious defense mechanism in psychology is called reaction formation. Look it up.

 

You are a trip.

[champagne]

No Tony, there is not really anything positive about the whole situation. It's just that she really don't care. I'm telling you. I think the thing that she's mad about is the whole fact that she was not there too. And to let you I'm 20 years old, and you sound a little older than myself, but I am sure that you are no angel yourself. I don't like what happened, but I can't do much now. All I wanted to do was tell someone, and I figured that the best solution would to tell a bunch of people I don't know and probably never will know!

 

And thank you, I personally like being a "trip".

Well, that's just dandy. But I will never find anything positive about screwing the people my friends are dating. Of course, you and I have a whole different set of philosophies and morals. And don't bet for a minute your friend isn't really pissed. She doesn't want you to know. She's probably in total shock. This unconscious defense mechanism in psychology is called reaction formation. Look it up. You are a trip.

[sparkle]

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU? This is one of the more pathetic things I've heard. You must really have NO self-esteem whatsoever.

 

Because if you did, you wouldn't be going out with someone for TWO AND A HALF YEARS. Talk about being so insecure about yourself that you just can't let go. And talk about being so inconsiderate with people's feelings.

 

You said, "My boy friend really trusts me and is in love with me deeply, we've been together for 2 and a half years..."

 

When you go out with someone, make sure it's someone that YOU LIKE and that YOU WANT TO BE WITH. Who told you otherwise???

 

You go on to say, "I'd have to say that I shouldn't have asked for advice from you because I don't care if my boyfriend finds out."

 

If you don't care if your boyfriend finds out, why are you with him in the first place? Is it because you know you can't do better, and so you're stuck to him? Because I'm sure he's a great guy.

 

And you also say, "And my friend has so many other guys that she is seeing that I really doubt she'll care."

 

If you knew that she wouldn't care and wouldn't get upset about it and all of a sudden you have this nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, why write such a desperate post in the first place?? Did you forget that you said, "HELP! I need advice", and "I have this really bad situation" etc etc?

Therefore you should read these things a little more thorough before the advice part comes."

Whether you wrote me a book about it or whether I read only the first post you wrote, my opinion/advice would still be the same. Do your boyfriend a favor and break up with him. He deserves better!

and I figured that the best solution would to tell a bunch of people I don't know and probably never will know!"

Actually...I heard my friends telling me about their guy friend who got some girl to sleep with him in an instant...and it seemed like a coincidence, but then I looked up your IP address..and what do you know! I'm in the same city as you! What a small world.

[Marzipan]

Champagne,

 

Well if you're friend really doesn care then I guess no harm done huh? What about your boyfriend, are you going to tell him now? What about hurting him, have you thought that one through or have you already told him? I think either way you wind up hurting somebody, whether it's intentional or not. It doesn't make you a bad person. It's good that you were fially honest with your friend, it shows that you aren't a coward and that your friendship is worth something to you. You were willing to sacrifice your friendship in order to tell your friend the truth and in the end you ended up okay. I commend you on that but you still need to tell your boyfriend and make a decision about who you want to be with because you will wind up hurting him.

 

Good luck.

 

Marzipan

[champagne]

Sure buddy! I'm not even in a city first of all, and second, he's been trying to get it for a long time. So therefore you aint #####! Oh! And another thing- I told my man last night and he forgave me, so pretty much I got the best of both worlds, so don't player hate on me because your get the slack that I can.

 

And the final thing is that you do not even know the amount of self esteem that I have. It's actually a great amount. I never even thought of it being a self esteem thing. I'm perfectly comfortable with myself and my sexuality. So don't hate; congratulate!=)

WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH YOU? This is one of the more pathetic things I've heard. You must really have NO self-esteem whatsoever. Because if you did, you wouldn't be going out with someone for TWO AND A HALF YEARS. Talk about being so insecure about yourself that you just can't let go. And talk about being so inconsiderate with people's feelings. You said, "My boy friend really trusts me and is in love with me deeply, we've been together for 2 and a half years..." When you go out with someone, make sure it's someone that YOU LIKE and that YOU WANT TO BE WITH. Who told you otherwise??? You go on to say, "I'd have to say that I shouldn't have asked for advice from you because I don't care if my boyfriend finds out."

 

If you don't care if your boyfriend finds out, why are you with him in the first place? Is it because you know you can't do better, and so you're stuck to him? Because I'm sure he's a great guy. And you also say, "And my friend has so many other guys that she is seeing that I really doubt she'll care." If you knew that she wouldn't care and wouldn't get upset about it and all of a sudden you have this nonchalant attitude about the whole thing, why write such a desperate post in the first place?? Did you forget that you said, "HELP! I need advice", and "I have this really bad situation" etc etc? Whether you wrote me a book about it or whether I read only the first post you wrote, my opinion/advice would still be the same. Do your boyfriend a favor and break up with him. He deserves better! Actually...I heard my friends telling me about their guy friend who got some girl to sleep with him in an instant...and it seemed like a coincidence, but then I looked up your IP address..and what do you know! I'm in the same city as you! What a small world.

[champagne]

Yes, I told my man about it. He forgave me, but I don't know if I should stay with him. He wants me to, but I don't think that I need to be tied down at this point in my life (which is obvious). So that is my next issue. But thanks for asking and giving me POSITIVE feedback.

Well if you're friend really doesn care then I guess no harm done huh? What about your boyfriend, are you going to tell him now? What about hurting him, have you thought that one through or have you already told him? I think either way you wind up hurting somebody, whether it's intentional or not. It doesn't make you a bad person. It's good that you were fially honest with your friend, it shows that you aren't a coward and that your friendship is worth something to you. You were willing to sacrifice your friendship in order to tell your friend the truth and in the end you ended up okay. I commend you on that but you still need to tell your boyfriend and make a decision about who you want to be with because you will wind up hurting him. Good luck. Marzipan