Is it Fair for me M/31 Be Upset About My Girlfriend's 27/F Past Hookup With My Friend? it Happened Before We Were Together, but I Found Out After We Became Exclusive.

[OfftheYak]

I met my girlfriend over a year ago through a mutual friend's party. We hit it off, went on a date shortly after, and are in a relationship to this day. She is sweet, has a great job, and overall is a great girlfriend. The thing is that a year before me meeting her I found out that she hooked up with one of my good friends. Obviously, this shouldn't be a big deal as it was before I met her, but if I am being truthful it does bother me. When she did find out that I was good friends with him, she never mentioned anything and I found out months later from catching up with my friend. When I rationalize everything I logically feel like I shouldn't be upset, but emotionally I am.

Do I have any right to be bothered? Did my girlfriend or mutual friend that set me up with her owe me a heads up?

[scbrandon]

We all have pasts, accept it and move on if you are into her or let it paralyze you and ruin a potentially good thing 

[BaileyB]

Personally, I wouldn’t end the relationship because of this if she has been a good girlfriend to you. 

I would have a discussion with her about honesty and transparency because this is not something that you should have learned from your friend. I understand her hesitation, but this is something that she should have told you.

I would also have a discussion with her to clarify your expectations related to both partner’s maintaining appropriate relationship boundaries… by that I mean, it’s ok to see him together but I would expect that she does not have any contact with him in private out of respect for you and your relationship.  

[scbrandon]

26 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Personally, I wouldn’t end the relationship because of this if she has been a good girlfriend to you. 

I would have a discussion with her about honesty and transparency because this is not something that you should have learned from your friend. I understand her hesitation, but this is something that she should have told you.

I would also have a discussion with her to clarify your expectations related to both partner’s maintaining appropriate relationship boundaries… by that I mean, it’s ok to see him together but I would expect that she does not have any contact with him in private out of respect for you and your relationship.  

A very mature response, could not agree more!

[Gebidozo]

Are you upset because it happened, or because she didn’t tell you it happened?

If it’s the first, try to get over it. It’s unpleasant, but there is nothing you can do, your GF’s past is outside of your control.

If it’s the second, explain to her that you feel that the two of you should be more transparent with each other. Hopefully she agrees, because actually she doesn’t have to tell you such stuff.

[Gaeta]

It's normal she did not want to tell you. This is her private life before you. 

It's NOT normal that your friend openned his mouth! What was he trying to do? You and her had been together 1 year, you have a good relationship, and he opens his mouth about a past hookup for what exactly? 

If I EVER come across a man I had a hookup with I hope he's mature and gentleman enough to not run to my boyfriend like a 15 year old with a secret. 

 

[scbrandon]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

It's normal she did not want to tell you. This is her private life before you. 

It's NOT normal that your friend openned his mouth! What was he trying to do? You and her had been together 1 year, you have a good relationship, and he opens his mouth about a past hookup for what exactly? 

If I EVER come across a man I had a hookup with I hope he's mature and gentleman enough to not run to my boyfriend like a 15 year old with a secret. 

 

Exactly.  The immaturity of that is striking!

[smackie9]

How you feel is normal because when you fall in love you have this image of your lover only being with you. It just shows you have strong feelings for her and care about her. This like all things, will pass. If it's will make you feel a little better, just talk to her about how you feel. It should bring you closer, not blow things apart. Sharing is caring. Be real with her.